You Can’t Teach Nice

I had the good fortune this week to recommend a colleague for an open position.  She’s so wonderful – smart, a calm and efficient negotiator, and most of all, a kind team member.

As I was writing the recommendation, I thought of one of my former bosses, who had once worked in a small team at an Entertainment company.  When it came down to matching skill or personality against a job description, she mentioned offhandedly that personality always won out.  Even though they were trying to fill a specialty job, some of the most skilled people they met were actually among the worst candidates.  Arrogant.  Individualistic.  And just plain unlikeable.

Several years ago I heard Lois Frankel speak, and she mentioned she usually carries a portfolio so she can take detailed notes.  In difficult meetings, she’ll often take the time to think of a few characteristics she’d like to exude, what many would call her “brand”, or at least her brand for the meeting.  She’ll write them at the top of the page in smaller type.  As she’s taking notes, she’s able to glance at those words, simply checking in to see if she’s meeting her goal.

Friendly.

Competent.

Smart.

Articulate.

Prepared.

You get the idea.  It’s a great trick to have up your sleeve, and an especially good tactic when emotions run high.  Even if you don’t outline them for every meeting, it’s a good practice to think of how you’re working from day to day.  You never know when those qualities will help you down the line, like getting you connected with a new job.

As my former boss once laughed, “You can train someone to do a job; you can’t teach nice.”

Good Find Friday: In the Garden of Beasts

When I came back from Munich recently, a colleague recommended “In the Garden of Beasts” to me.  He picked up this historical novel by Erik Larson last Summer, and enjoyed its look at pre-World War II Berlin.

I picked it up one weekend, and finished it in just a few days (in spite of the fact that it’s over 400 pages).  The story of Ambassador William E. Dodd and his family, especially the exploits of his daughter, Martha, is fascinating and often a little stunning.  Like Janet Maslin of the New York Times, I thought it was superbly written.  If you like biographies and historical books, drop this into your book bag.  Enjoy!

I Can Wait. I Can Be Patient.

In the Pacific Northwest, we’re starting to gain several minutes of light.  Even with long strings of grey days, somehow it seems that we’re starting to come out of Winter, and the wait for Spring may be a little shorter than Punxsutawney Phil predicted.

These days, many people can become irritated simply by the idea of waiting.  We live in the world of instant. Fast. On demand.  Lee Raffel had a beautiful article describing the concept of “active waiting”.  Not a period where you simply mark time, but a constructive and intentional process.

She had a number of tips, but a few really leaped out at me.  I loved her idea to “Recognize your frustration at being obliged to wait – shake hands with your frustration and negativity.”  So many New Thought teachers seem to espouse an idea that you can somehow easily visualize or affirm your way out of the difficult periods of life, the “Winter.”  I was happy someone encouraged me to shake hands with frustration; in my world, that can be a pretty common emotion!

She goes on to encourage “…immediately make a 180 degree shift and focus on the meaningful goal you want to achieve and say, “I can wait.  I can be patient.  I can persist.”  I don’t know about you, but simply reading those words made me more calm.  More hopeful.

As the days grow longer, I plan to use Lee Raffel’s ideas throughout the Lenten season.  It really casts a new and different light on what many think of as a dull time merely waiting for the big event of Easter.  Who knows what seeds will be planted during the next 40 days?  As poet Rainer Maria Rilke wrote, “The future enters into us, in order to transform us, long before it happens.”

Good Find Friday: Jeremy Lin

OK – I admit it.  I’m jumping on the Jeremy Lin bandwagon.  How can you not root for a first-generation American who was spending his time on the New York Knicks bench and crashing on his brother’s couch until about two weeks ago?  Pretty humble for a guy who graduated from Harvard with an Economics degree.

And, oh yeah, and he shoots like this.  Over and over again.  Even his 85-year old grandma is a die hard fan.  Lincredible.  Lintense.  Linsanity!

The Alluring Lana Del Rey

Like a lot of people, I’ve been following Lana Del Rey.  Not closely, but she keeps popping up in my lunchtime Entertainment and Gossip columns.

If you don’t know her story, she released an album in January and promoted it with a performance of “Video Games” on “Saturday Night Live.”  There’s some controversy about the release, since in 2010 she released another album.  Under another name.  So it’s hard to say whether “Born to Die” is her first release or her second.

Initially the Lizzy Grant album was released to iTunes, but then her father bought back the rights.  I’ve known a lot of musicians, and even in the rare case where someone hasn’t made a good record, they rarely want it completely out of circulation.  It was an interesting choice on her part, and brought some speculation that releasing the album and then pulling it back was simply part of a PR strategy.  Starting a buzz, then essentially erasing version 1.0 of her persona.

In a way, I feel for Lana.  She’s trying to express herself, and do so with a certain amount of style, but she can’t seem to catch a break.  There are plenty of people who feel she’s fresh and unique.  On the other hand, she has plenty of detractors.  NBC news anchor, Brian Williams, called her performance “one of the worst outings in SNL history.”  Actress Juliette Lewis initially tweeted that she was “like watching a 12-year old in their bedroom when they’re pretending to sing and perform.”  Lewis quickly walked it back the next morning by deleting her prior tweet and saying, “I woke up singing a @LanaDelRey song! Such great haunting melodies! Regardless of my own taste LIVE she’s a #FreshandYummy songwriter Period.”  Hmmm…quite a reversal, Juliette!  Last week Lana even had to address whether her lips were real.

Lana’s a beautiful girl, but my jury is still out.  I have a sinking feeling that she’s a perfect reflection of some of the worst of our current culture.  Chic, initially alluring, and perhaps a little manipulative.  Maybe this is why people react to her with so much emotion.

In the future, perhaps Lana will worry a little less about her wardrobe and brand.  After all, this is an extraordinary time for inspiring, authentic women in music.  Adele.  The fantastic, and now Grammy-award winning, Susan Tedeschi from the Tedeschi Trucks Band.  Sara BareillesRosanne Cash.  And even the lovely, yet ill-fated, Whitney Houston.  In the words of essayist, John Burroughs, “The lure of the distant and the difficult is deceptive.  The great opportunity is where you are.”

Good Find Friday: Dan’s Everylove Story

This beautiful video about Dan Dewey came up on my Twitter feed this week, and I couldn’t resist posting it.  What a simple and uncommonly beautiful story.  I’ve watched it again and again, and it always bring a smile to my face.  You will be especially touched if you’ve known anyone who is chronically or terminally ill.

If you want to get involved, send Dan a Starbuck’s card.

To the ordinary, extraordinary among us – de salud, Dan!

Anything is Possible. Or Is It?

Recently I heard the story of a teacher who was asking her elementary school age class about the power of positive thinking.

“Do you believe ANYTHING is possible? If you think positive thoughts, or if you just try hard enough?” 

“Oh, yes!”

“So that means if I really want to, or if I’m trying really hard, I can become a ballerina?”

“Well, ummm, no!”

I laughed a lot when I heard this story.  She didn’t dampen the kids’ spirits, yet she exposed simplistic interpretations of either positive thinking or the law of attraction.

Heidi Grant Halvorson had a similar article recently on Huffington Post.  I loved her take on this topic.  Instead of taking the easy route of “just keep the faith”, Dr. Halvorson used new terms.  Realistic optimism.  Confident optimism.

“Unrealistic optimists are only too happy to tell you that you are “being negative” when you dare to express concerns, harbor reservations or dwell too long on obstacles that stand in the way of your goal. In truth, this kind of thinking is a necessary step in any successful endeavor, and it is not at all antithetical to confident optimism.”

I’m all for reaching for seemingly impossible goals.  However, I’m learning to marry rational thinking with creative visioning.  Stretching, but doing so with a solid foundation.  And even having a Plan B.

In the words of “Dilbert” creator, Scott Adams, “Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.”

Good Find Friday: Namath

I had a great time watching the superb documentary, “Namath“, last weekend.  It’s worth queuing up, especially since the Super Bowl is on this weekend.  I didn’t know much about Joe Namath except the basics, but I saw his interview on “60 Minutes” a couple of years ago, and found him a really likeable guy.  You will be amazed by the hilarious stories, thoughtful and sometimes painfully honest moments, and one star play after another.  Oh yes…those amazing plays.

Thanks, Joe Willie.