Good Find Friday: Hay House Worldwide Summit #hhworldsummit

Would you like to learn from some of the best New Thought authors and teachers in the world…for free?  Check out the Hay House Worldwide Summit.  From June 1 – 10, you’ll have access to sessions with over 100 teachers.

Want to get a taste of what you’ll hear?  Listen to pre-event video interviews with Louise Hay, Doreen Virtue, Dr. Wayne Dyer, and Cheryl Richardson.  And don’t forget to check out their download packages including free gifts through May 31.

I know I’ll be inspired, and I’m sure you will too.  Enjoy!

What’s My Theme: I Put On a Happy Face

I heard a story about a coach who started her practice by giving a friends and family rate to clients.  “Maya,” a smart, engaging entrepreneur who had a multi-level marketing business, was one of her first consultations.  They were having a great time getting to know one another, but different parts of Maya’s story didn’t seem to add up.  Midway through their session the Coach quietly said, “You’re a faker.”

Maya hit the roof.  “What?!  How can you say that to me?  Authenticity is one of my highest priorities!  I have integrity in everything I do! That’s totally wrong!”

The Coach was taken aback.  “Oh, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean that you were inauthentic.  I mean you try to make everything all right, no matter how challenging things are.  You have a hard time admitting when you’re facing something tough – that’s why you fake it.  Why do you feel like you always have to put on a happy face?”

Maya was surprised, but she immediately understood the Coach’s feedback.  She was a little embarassed.  And then annoyed.  And ultimately humbled.  As she went through different areas of her life, she knew the Coach was right.  She also understood that it meant coming clean in places where she had put on the happy face.  This was an especially challenging task since she was in business with her family.  Over the next month, she had meeting after meeting with the family explaining the details of the business, even the ones that weren’t so pretty.

I think we all have Maya’s theme someplace in our life.  Maya was the strong, competent businesswoman to her affiliates.  In an effort to encourage them when business was down, she would gloss over financial realities which were their common concern.  At home, she was the playful little sister.  However, she felt compelled to cheer everyone up as her parents’ marriage disintegrated.  And she was the fun-loving adventurer to her friends.  Even when things didn’t go as planned, she had to reassure the rest of the group about how much fun they were having.  From the outside looking in, her life seemed to be working, but ultimately she was exhausted.

This week, take a look at your world and see where you may be putting on a happy face.  It’s a little different than being positive in the face of adversity and recognizing the cyclic nature of life. (As Joel Osteen likes to joke, “This problem didn’t come to stay, it came to pass!”)  Putting on a happy face means that you’re fearful about being honest.  You’re afraid what might happen if you faced the truth.  And you’re worried about what will happen next if you admit what’s really going on.

Be brave!  You may have some difficult moments, but working through problems when they’re small is so much better than facing a harsh reality that could have been avoided.  I’ll leave you with an affirmation from one of my favorite authors, Sandra Anne Taylor: “I expect the best, and I am equipped to deal with the rest!”

Good Find Friday: Alice Russell

Why is there smoke coming out of my computer speakers?  Because I’m playing the new CD by Alice Russell, “To Dust”.  If you like Adele, KT Tunstall or Annie Lennox, you’ll love Alice’s smoky, soulful vocals.

I think your sing-a-long Summertime soundtrack just arrived.  Enjoy!

What’s My Theme: I Play It Cool

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a heated situation where emotions keep escalating?  This is what happened to me over the last few weeks.  In spite of the tension, my colleague, “Jay”, showed an incredible amount of poise.  You could say his theme was: “I play it cool”.

Many people are incorporating the practice of detachment into their spiritual lives.  It’s true that we often hold on much too tightly to our ideal outcome.  However, detachment may become so watered down that it results in apathy like my earlier column, “Too Motivated By the Miracle.”  Is there anyone in your world who doesn’t take much action?  Instead they insist dreamily, “If it’s meant to be…it will be.”  It’s wonderful to state your intention and be open to what comes next.  However, if you have no interest in what actually shows up, are you too detached?  Have you missed an opportunity to direct your gifts, intellect and passion?

Jay demonstrated detachment beautifully.  Day after day, week after week, the work scenarios would change.  The project manager was a spur of the moment, free spirit.  She was light on details and couldn’t understand Jay’s growing frustration with the churn.  After all, everything would eventually come together – right?

There were a few tense moments, but Jay never lost his temper. As I thought back, I recalled one hard project after another we’ve encountered.  They all had the same hallmarks – his behavior was consistently positive.  His actions quietly showed: “I know what’s important.”  “I know who I am and stay in peace, no matter what’s going on around me.”  “I ride the wave.  I respond to circumstances instead of fighting them.”

My blood pressure levels dropped as his calm, direct responses trickled in.  Let’s be honest – most of us start to fly off the handle when people are pushy.  Instead, the dynamics were reshaped and constantly transformed.  Here are a few examples:

  • Deadline moved up a week?  Let me see what I can do to finish this early.
  • Documents need to modified and reviewed again?  I only have time to make a few small changes, but it will keep us on track.
  • Hiring a new vendor?  Next time use someone pre-approved, but here are some talking points about our policies in the meantime.  Let me know how things go.

Alternately, think about the questions above with answers like, “How could you do this to me!” or “Why are you even suggesting that!”  Being outrageous may be colorful in the moment, but it rarely solves problems.  Instead of remembering brilliant solutions, the only story people tell is, “Wow – that guy is really a screamer.”  Jay was the opposite – as the emails piled up, he would often catch me in the hall, shake his head and make a quick joke about the latest development, and then peacefully move on with his day.

This week, I encourage you to find your own best expression of detachment.  No matter what comes your way, resolve to stay cool!  Remember the counsel of sculptor Auguste Rodin, “Patience is also a form of action.”

Good Find Friday: Mother’s Day Recipes

Are you ready for Mother’s Day on Sunday?  Or maybe you have a Mom or wife who takes the weekend off and breakfast is up to you?  Or maybe your Mom lives far away like mine does, and you get all the pancakes to yourself!

There are a lot of good recipes to try in the links below.  If you’re erring on the lighter side of things, how about the four berry salad or make ahead blueberry cornmeal muffins from Whole Living?  Or if you have a bridal or baby shower this Summer, you may want to bookmark the Lemon Curd Tart at Williams-Sonoma.  If you’re trying to impress without making a big fuss, try the Goat Cheese and Leek Quiche from Whole Foods – it’s a snap and easily customizable.  (I like to add some red pepper for color and texture.)

Fresh produce is starting to pop, so be sure to check out the farm stands that may be opening in your city.  And love yo Mama – she loves you!

Enjoy!

Food Network – Mother’s Day Recipes

Whole Living – Mother’s Day Brunch using seasonal foods

Epicurious – Brunch Cocktails

Whole Foods Goat Cheese and Leek Quiche

Williams Sonoma Mother’s Day Brunch

What’s My Theme: I Love a Project

I was watching a retrospective about Lucille Ball, and her co-star Gale Gordon told a funny story about how Lucy often bore no resemblance to her onscreen characters.  Rather than being absent minded and a laugh a minute, she was usually on task.  Her famously strong work ethic only became more pronounced following her divorce from Desi Arnaz.  He reminisced about cutting up with the cast and crew while they waited for Lucy to finish in the make-up chair.  Things would be loose on the set until the door flew open.  “And then Madame would hit the floor…,” he smiled and trailed off, shaking his head at the memory.

This story inspired the topic for May, “What’s My Theme?”  Like Lucy, my friends will tell you that I love a project.  My calendar usually includes many active contract negotiations at work, reorganizing at home, and lots of creative writing.  Do your days have the same kind of variety? Projects shouldn’t be vanilla, boring and neutral; they should be alive with your talents and imagination.  Clearing out your closet or making dinner is only dull if you approach it that way.  However, there can be a shadow side if your project love results in endlessly churning one responsibility after another.

Years ago I worked with a woman who was hyper, hyper productive.  I was in constant admiration of how quickly she would return email.  She had an uncanny ability to process data, think through options quickly, and propose several solutions.  She seemed so inventive.  So engaged.  It was really remarkable how many plates she could keep spinning.  For a while.

I began to see how her initiatives started with a lot of enthusiasm, but few had long-term impact.  Her team picked up on the same trend and began to dread the endless stream of requests.  Since she could process through hundreds of emails a day, she thought it would be a breeze for everyone else.  It never occurred to her that no one really enjoyed working through note after note she lobbed and hammered over the net.  Instead of seeing her assignments as meticulous attention to detail, they viewed her as petty and unrelenting.  Her insecurity about never having enough accomplishments pushed her to constantly kick-off more and more projects. After a while, people began to avoid working with her.

In the story above, I give Lucille Ball all the credit in the world.  There may be people who were disappointed by her behavior after having pre-conceived notions about how fun she would be.  But let’s be clear – there’s a time to get to work.  Lucy was keenly aware of her responsibilities after she bought Desi Arnaz out of his share of Desilu and became the first woman to lead a studio.  Whether you’re negotiating a contract or remodeling a kitchen, all projects have moments which call for diligence and discipline.

This week, you may be walking a fine line between Project Manager and Firestarter.  I’m confident you’ll find your own perfect blend of either following through or knowing when to rest and be satisfied with the results at hand.  There’s no need to power through life like a 1-speed blender.  I’m inspired by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, “When you waste a moment, you have killed it in a sense, squandering an irreplaceable opportunity.  But when you use the moment properly, filling it with purpose and productivity, it lives on forever.”

Good Find Friday: Cinco de Mayo Recipes

It’s the first weekend of May AND it’s supposed to be an unheard of 77 degrees on Sunday.  (Last year Seattle didn’t go above 60 degrees until June.)  That kind of weather means a fiesta for sure on Cinco de Mayo.  And yes, you can get the party started a little early if you’re watching the Kentucky Derby on Saturday.

Here’s a fun fact – the Kentucky Derby winner always receives a big blanket of pink lilies.  Either serve a pink colored dessert on Saturday, or simply fire up a pitcher of the delicious Pink Grapefruit Margaritas from the Barefoot Contessa and just keep pouring into Sunday. (Kidding, kidding.)  I’m keeping it simple this weekend by grilling up some chicken and throwing together fresh salsa and guacamole for street tacos.

Enjoy!

Epicurious Tacos and Salsas

Williams-Sonoma Cinco de Mayo Taco Party

Mexico One Plate At a Time Recipes (Rick Bayless)

Barefoot Contessa Pink Grapefruit Margaritas

Southern Living Kentucky Derby Party Recipes

The Beautiful Miss

I was watching QVC the other day, and one of the show hosts was talking about dressing around her figure problems after she had a baby.  She said, “I thought I was doing pretty well the first year back from maternity leave, and then one of the guys passed me in the cafeteria.  He called out – “Hey, when’s the new baby due?”  I thought – oh, no!  Back to Pilates class for me!”  (As you’ve probably figured out, she wasn’t pregnant.)

Talk about the beautiful miss!  Luckily it was clear to the host that her co-worker wasn’t trying to be insensitive.  Instead of waiting for offense, she was able to laugh it off.  She just had a few more pounds around her middle than usual, and he blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?  Sometimes things are simply awkward, and you’re not sure what to say.  On a more serious note, you may be so stunned by someone’s news that you’re speechless trying to process.  Worse yet, perhaps someone is deliberately putting you on the spot.

What do you say when things are still in flux?  When situations are still developing, and you have no idea what the future holds?  Perhaps having the right words at the right time simply means communicating as authentically as possible, embracing ambiguity instead of trying to avoid it.  Culturally we’re oriented to the quick fix.  However, it’s all right to recognize that you don’t have to have the perfect answer in seconds.  Nervous chatter is the junk food of communication – it fills space, but rarely satisfies. 

I wanted to end this series by giving you some elegant responses I’ve heard in the last few months.  They appeal to me since they are “bridge” statements.  None of them are a complete or final answer.  They give plenty of space for the other person to respond as the situation unfolds:

  • To a man whose mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer: “I don’t know what the future holds, but I am here for you.”
  • During a contentious negotiation: “We agree on x and y.  Why don’t we give z some thought and reconvene on Friday?”
  • For a couple who found out their child was abusing drugs: “That’s a really difficult situation.  Will you let me know how things go with your first counseling visit this week?”

This week I’m going to employ the “WAIT” (“Why Am I Talking?”) tactic.  Before I jump in with a snappy comeback or outworn cliche, I’m going to take a breath.  I want my comments to be welcome and well received.   In the gentle words of Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, “Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible.”

Good Find Friday: Tilda Swinton Ebertfest 2013

I don’t know about you, but I’m worn out after the last couple of weeks.  So emotional!  Just when I was about to throw up my hands, this delightful video of Tilda Swinton showed up on my Twitter feed.  It was so joyous that I had to watch it again and again.  Most of all, I loved watching Roger Ebert’s widow, Chaz, looking beautiful as she danced along.

If you’re feeling drained, here’s 6 minutes to fill you back up.  As Tilda said, “No observers!”

Would You Say That To Me?

One of my colleagues has a teen-age daughter.  She’s a beautiful girl.  Smart and fun, she has a warm, friendly personality, but she’s really struggling trying to keep up.

Her Mom mentioned one week that the mantra had become, “I’m ugly.  I’ll never be as pretty as Jordan.”

Next week: “I just can’t learn geometry!  I’m so stupid.  I’m never going to pass this class.”

And the week after that: “I never get invited to the best parties.  I guess I’m just not cool enough for the right people to like me.”

Did you have a similar adolescence?  I moaned as the stories kept coming in.  For a while, her Mom tried to comfort her.  But suddenly, she threw up her hands.  I was a little shocked – “What did you do instead?” I asked.  “I told her to knock it off.  I said – would you say that to me?”

“What did she say?”  I said.  My colleague answered: “Well, what could she say?  Of course she wouldn’t talk that way to me.  I told her if she wouldn’t talk that way to me then she shouldn’t talk that way to herself.  I realize she’s just complaining to her parents night after night, but I have to think there’s more to it.  If this is what she’s saying, what is she truly thinking?  She’s not perfect, but it’s hardly as bad as she’s making it sound.”

Do you find yourself getting into a loop like her daughter, even when things aren’t terrible?  Here are some of the everyday phrases I hear from people:

  • I wish I could go to Europe.  I never have enough money to take a great vacation.
  • I’d love to improve my golf game.  But I’m always too busy at work.
  • Well, I guess it’s back to the Gulag.  That’s what I call the office.

Can you imagine if you made similar assertions over someone else’s life?  Think of seeing beautiful travel pictures but saying to your friend, “Well, forget it – you’ll never be able to take a trip like that.”  Or saying to your brother, “I’d be happy to meet you at the driving range for a bucket of balls, but I know you haven’t done a good enough job at work today to leave at 6:00.  Why don’t you just stay at your desk?”  It may sound ridiculous, but mindless babbling can become your reality when you least expect it.

As I listened these casual statements, I thought how small changes could make such a difference.  How about – “I wish I could go to Europe.  I don’t have enough money this year, but I know a great vacation is coming.”  Or, “I’d love to improve my golf game.  I’m so busy at my job that I’ll have to make sure I book time for Saturday before the week gets away from me.”  And for that last bullet above?  Just drop it – don’t curse your workplace.

This week, I encourage you to turn some of that negative internal chatter around with affirmations, or better yet, stop before you speak it.  In the words of Mother Teresa, “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless.”