Category Archives: Organizing

What’s My Theme: I Love a Project

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I was watching a retrospective about Lucille Ball, and her co-star Gale Gordon told a funny story about how Lucy often bore no resemblance to her onscreen characters.  Rather than being absent minded and a laugh a minute, she was usually on task.  Her famously strong work ethic only became more pronounced following her divorce from Desi Arnaz.  He reminisced about cutting up with the cast and crew while they waited for Lucy to finish in the make-up chair.  Things would be loose on the set until the door flew open.  “And then Madame would hit the floor…,” he smiled and trailed off, shaking his head at the memory.

This story inspired the topic for May, “What’s My Theme?”  Like Lucy, my friends will tell you that I love a project.  My calendar usually includes many active contract negotiations at work, reorganizing at home, and lots of creative writing.  Do your days have the same kind of variety? Projects shouldn’t be vanilla, boring and neutral; they should be alive with your talents and imagination.  Clearing out your closet or making dinner is only dull if you approach it that way.  However, there can be a shadow side if your project love results in endlessly churning one responsibility after another.

Years ago I worked with a woman who was hyper, hyper productive.  I was in constant admiration of how quickly she would return email.  She had an uncanny ability to process data, think through options quickly, and propose several solutions.  She seemed so inventive.  So engaged.  It was really remarkable how many plates she could keep spinning.  For a while.

I began to see how her initiatives started with a lot of enthusiasm, but few had long-term impact.  Her team picked up on the same trend and began to dread the endless stream of requests.  Since she could process through hundreds of emails a day, she thought it would be a breeze for everyone else.  It never occurred to her that no one really enjoyed working through note after note she lobbed and hammered over the net.  Instead of seeing her assignments as meticulous attention to detail, they viewed her as petty and unrelenting.  Her insecurity about never having enough accomplishments pushed her to constantly kick-off more and more projects. After a while, people began to avoid working with her.

In the story above, I give Lucille Ball all the credit in the world.  There may be people who were disappointed by her behavior after having pre-conceived notions about how fun she would be.  But let’s be clear – there’s a time to get to work.  Lucy was keenly aware of her responsibilities after she bought Desi Arnaz out of his share of Desilu and became the first woman to lead a studio.  Whether you’re negotiating a contract or remodeling a kitchen, all projects have moments which call for diligence and discipline.

This week, you may be walking a fine line between Project Manager and Firestarter.  I’m confident you’ll find your own perfect blend of either following through or knowing when to rest and be satisfied with the results at hand.  There’s no need to power through life like a 1-speed blender.  I’m inspired by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, “When you waste a moment, you have killed it in a sense, squandering an irreplaceable opportunity.  But when you use the moment properly, filling it with purpose and productivity, it lives on forever.”

My Bag Is Too Heavy

Posted on by Michelle Mains

About a year ago I got a new job, so I took myself out for a little celebratory shopping.  I saw an affordable messenger bag at one of the mall stores and justified it with, “I may need to take my computer to meetings more often.  It would be great to have a bag in the office that’s always ready to go.”

So I bought the messenger and left it at the office.  Where it sat.  Day after day.  On the one hand, I was right about needing it.  On the other hand, though, I started to feel a little guilty about how rarely I used it.

Time went by and I got a nylon briefcase from Sherpani to use as a boarding bag when I travel.  It’s light as a feather, and has a lot of organization.  But the oddest thing happened.  I picked up my messenger one day to go to a meeting, and was stunned how heavy it was.  It’s a beautiful fabric, but it’s literally twice the weight of the Sherpani.  My computer was already heavy enough.  Why was I weighing myself down, even if I only used the messenger occasionally?

My story is a simple illustration, but Mary Morrissey shared a similar idea in her OmTimes article, “You Deserve Your Dream: Building Self-Confidence to Meet Your Goals.”

Stepping into your dream life is nearly impossible if you’re carrying deadweight.  When you bring your past problems and the belief that you’re unlovable along with you, you have no room for new possibilities.  Set your obstacles free by acknowledging them and then releasing them, knowing that they no longer serve you.

This week, are you facing a situation like I was?  For me, the deadweight was literal.  However, making the change was as easy as putting the messenger bag which was just fine a year ago into the charity bin.  Can you do something equally simple?

Let me get you started.  Those great ideas that you have written on a post-it note, or a little notebook?  Maybe it’s time to consolidate them in one place so you can get started writing your first book.  Or this may be the week you finally look into joining that softball league that’s going to start up in a few months.  Do you need to go a little deeper?  How about being able to finally find peace with a resentment you’ve been carrying?

Christians celebrated Fat Tuesday last week and started their Lenten walk.  Many people make a habit of giving up something meaningful, but I like to think of Lent in a broader way, where we also let go of things holding us back as Mary Morrissey suggests.  Even if you don’t celebrate Lent, this is a natural time of the year to consider what is meant to remain behind, buried in the dark days of Winter.  Take a few minutes to look around your world – are you carrying something too heavy into your future?  Something where you find it difficult to say: This is for my Good?  Remember the idea of novelist Marcel Proust, “The real voyage of discovery consists not in making new landscapes, but in having new eyes.”

Good Find Friday: The Charity Bin

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Are you determined to get more organized in 2013?  Do you want to declutter but don’t seem to have the time or energy to empty a whole room at once?  Let me give you a tip I learned from Feng Shui practioner Terah Kathryn Collins.

Terah is what I consider an “organic” declutterer.  She laughs about randomly walking through the house and thinking, “Why is that book out on the coffee table?  We haven’t read it in years!” or “Why is this sweater still in my closet?  It’s not me anymore.” Terah’s trick is to keep an empty plastic bin in an out of the way place.  (I keep mine in the garage.)  Rather than working on huge clean-outs every month or quarterly, she casually throws things in the bin that no longer match their lifestyle.  When the bin is filled up, it’s time to go to your favorite charity for a drop-off.

Give this simple method a try this year.  It sounds too easy to be transformational, but I can assure you it’s an elegant doorway into creating lasting, peaceful change in your home.  Small starts of letting go of one thing at a time can lead to a space which is only filled with your favorite things.  Remember Terah’s idea: “If you only surround yourself with things that you truly love, all heaven will break through in your life.”

Are You Buying Clutter?

Posted on by Michelle Mains

We’re down to the last shopping days before Christmas – how are you doing?  Does your gift list have some unexpected creep?  Maybe you’re like several friends of mine who hate shopping.  They sometimes impulse shop just so they can cross someone’s name off and get out of the crowds.

Since December rolled around, the stories about holiday decorating and giving have been piling up.  A friend told me last week that she loves having more than one tree around the house.  It’s become a nice idea over the last few years.  Have a second tree in the family room, where you spend most of your time.  Or let your kids have their own baby tree.  But then she casually mentioned she has 7 trees.  SEVEN.  It turns out she can’t say no to her kids when they complain when she wants to do any purging, so they just keep adding.  And of course all those trees need to have lights.  And ornaments.  And, and, and…I think you get the idea.

And then there’s the colleague who has a wonderful large, close family.  She feels compelled to buy for everyone.  Every sister, brother, their spouses and all of their children.  She’s always worried that one person will like their gift more than someone else, so she spends hours at the mall and specialty stores.  The funny thing is that she admitted that the place they really connect is their holiday meal table.  The presents and time around the tree are almost an afterthought.

This year, take a few minutes of quiet time before you hit the stores.  Let this be the year you start some new habits.  When someone provides a surprise gift, allow yourself to give an enthusiastic “Thank you!” and a polite thank you note, and skip the pressure of reciprocating.  Give yourself permission to find personal and meaningful presents for a select few, rather than feeling like you need to clean out your bank account for everyone in the office by December 24.  And don’t drive yourself crazy with an imaginary ledger where you keep everything “even”.

Interestingly, I’ve had a few friends quit Facebook in the last couple of weeks because they thought it was getting in the way of authentic connections.  The next time you’re feeling pressured to buy, take a moment to reconsider.  I can assure you that spending 20 minutes over a $3 cup of coffee is going to mean more than a generic gift pack from Starbucks.  Keep the advice of organizer Aby Garvey in mind, “Clutter control starts at the cash register.”

Who’s Your Major Domo?

Posted on by Michelle Mains

A couple of weeks ago a letter from new parents started making the rounds of the gossip columns.  It was originally routed to Facebook friends as a wish list following the birth of their baby.  When I saw the story, it seemed like a good idea.  After helping care for a friend who had cancer for three years, I knew it was sometimes necessary to be prescriptive in your “asks”.  (After all, is it really a good idea to bring a terminally ill cancer patient pork chops stuffed with bacon and bleu cheese for dinner?) But as I clicked over to read the article, I was startled.

Due to its length, I won’t reprint it in its entirety, but let me give you a few excerpts:

  • Come over at about 2 in the afternoon, hold the baby while I have a hot shower, put me to bed with the baby and then complete one or more household chores, such as: fold laundry, scoop the litter box, take [our dog] for a well deserved walk or run around the neighborhood or park, clean the kitchen or the bathroom, vacuum.
  • Come over in your work clothes and vacuum, dust, clean the litter box, and then leave quietly.  It might be too tiring for me to chat and entertain, but it will renew my soul to get some rest knowing I will wake up to a clean, organized space.
  • Come over to fold laundry or clean and give [Parent] a break so she can go enjoy some r&r, go to a coffee shop, a bar, or something else fun.  Vacuum and fold more laundry.  Clean the litter box.

As you can tell by the article’s user comments, I wasn’t the only person put off by the implied message of “don’t dare come over unless you also clean my house”.  (I think it hit me on a personal note since I cleaned houses in college.  Most of my employers were women who were either pregnant or had recently had their second baby.  It’s hard to imagine not speaking to the Mother, or being asked to babysit her child while she did “something fun” like go out to a bar.)

It may be easy to poke fun at this letter, but it’s a good illustration of what happens when the self-care concept meets entitlement.  Let’s take a second look.  Imagine if the parents had invited compassionate care, at whatever level someone could give?  Or if they sent the letter only to a few people who they knew could meet their needs, instead of email blasting a list of demands to all their Contacts?

You may feel pushed to check off your To Do list during the holidays, but take a breath (and maybe chuckle at the memory of this letter) before you start suddenly issuing edicts to everyone like your personal assistant.  Connecting with people authentically is always more important than having an empty litter box and a clean refrigerator.  No matter how packed your schedule is in December, remember the words of Mother Theresa, “Let no one ever come to you without leaving better and happier.  Be the living expression of God’s kindness; kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in your smile.” 

Good Find Friday: Gretchen Rubin – Happier At Home

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I hope you’ve had a chance to visit Gretchen Rubin’s site, The Happiness Project.  If you haven’t, take a minute to check her out.  Her ideas are fun and accessible; she’s a delight.

This week I wanted to share the wonderful “12 Tips For a Happier Home” from her new book, Happier At Home.  I want to throw in a special endorsement for #2.  I’m a big sports fan, but I find I rarely miss listening to the play-by-play and all the ads thrown in for good measure.  Start to actively use your remote mute button – it may change your life. :)

I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted from all the crazy this election year. Let’s turn the corner, take a deep breath this weekend, and start using Gretchen’s practical tips.  Enjoy!

  1. Turn routines into games. My evening tidy-up, while not quite a “game,” is kind of fun and quite relaxing.
  2. Control the level of noise. I’m much calmer when there’s no TV or music playing in the background.  (Except at night. Weirdly, my husband and I fall asleep to all-news radio.)
  3. Organize space so it’s attractive, well organized, and well lit. One of my most important Secrets of Adulthood: Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  4. Plan times each day for relaxing activities. Why is this so hard for adults?
  5. Encourage a feeling of belonging, e.g., by displaying children’s work and pictures. I have a resolution to Cultivate a shrine.
  6. Consider children’s reactions when making an unavoidable change. I do better with routines and predictability. I don’t react well when there’s a sudden change in the schedule.
  7. Balance indoor and outdoor activities. Just going outside into the sunlight gives a mood boost.
  8. Make sure there’s plenty of time to get things done without rushing. This makes a huge difference in my day-to-day happiness. In Happier at Home, I write a lot about my struggle to create an unhurried atmosphere at home.
  9. Provide opportunities for curiosity and creativity.
  10. Speak in a calm voice. This is a big issue in my home. We talk all the time about “a kind voice,” “a mean voice.”
  11. Explain the behavior you’d like to see in a clear, respectful way. Not “Settle down,” but “Sit in your chair with your feet under your desk.” Not “I could use a little help around here,” but “Please unload the dishwasher so we can get the dirty dishes out of the sink.”
  12. Meet people’s basic needs. Children and adults need to eat, drink, go to the bathroom, rest, and spend time outside.

Good Find Friday: Disaster Preparedness

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Between the first official day of Winter this week and Hurricane Sandy, this is probably the best Friday to talk about disaster preparedness.

Take a minute to check out the links below, and then take some action this weekend and at least get a 3 day kit together.  If you run into some nasty weather before Spring, hopefully you won’t be like the Connecticut woman who admitted her carpets were squishing and flood waters were rising outside her bathroom window before she decided to honor the mandatory evacuation order.  In the Pacific Northwest, we’re passing our 19th day of rain and the first river overflows – who knows what’s next.  Make sure you always have some tuna, trail mix and fresh water on hand, and put your Grab and Go file with your emergency supplies.

And don’t forget to check on your neighbors!  As actor Edward James Olmos said from the streets of South Central Los Angeles following the riots, “Take your broom and clean up the glass on your front walk and sidewalk.  And when you’re done, go to your neighbor’s house and help them clean up the glass.  If you have a broom today, you have a job!”  :)

Build an Emergency Kit

Making Emergency Property Repairs

Hurricane Insurance Claims

Power Outage Food Safety

Cooking Without Power

This…Is Nothing!

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Last week a friend of mine was having a terrible time at work.  Something had gone wrong with his computer credentials, and now everything was a mess.  He had trouble getting into his in-box, his sent messages were delayed, and even his online meeting call number stability was flawed.  He had so many problems that it reminded me of the movie “Wag the Dog.”  It’s a complicated story, but Dustin Hoffman plays a movie producer who keeps minimizing everyone else’s issues.  No matter what challenge someone identifies, he comes back with a story like, “This…is nothing!  I remember when I once shot a movie for six months without having the rights secured.  THAT was something!  This? This is nothing!”

It’s a hilarious running gag, and it broke the tension and made my friend start laughing when I reminded him about that picture.  I told him, “In the future, everything will seem so minor.  Every time someone starts complaining, you’ll think to yourself, “Oh yeah? Well remember when my email didn’t work for a week and I couldn’t attend any conference calls I scheduled?  That was something!  What you’re describing is nothing!”

I thought about this story over the weekend as I was doing some much needed Fall clean-up in the yard.  Here’s what occurred to me:

I have a lot of leaves to rake up, but that’s nothing, since I have the health to easily work in the yard for several hours.

I have a lot to do today, but that’s nothing, since I have the right garden tools for the job.

I’m having trouble with the retaining wall rotting out, but that’s nothing since I have a capable landscaper lined up to help me.

I’m not happy about the unexpected cost of the retaining wall, but I have some savings to cover the charge.  I remember when I didn’t have room on a credit card, let alone additional funds when the credit card bill came in.

This week, you may be facing some problems or unexpected inconveniences.  It’s easy to complain, but before you do, think of other problems you’ve faced and how you’ve gotten through them.  Re-orient your view.  You may end up laughing, “Oh, this?  This…is nothing!”

Good Find Friday: Pack Your Charger

Posted on by Michelle Mains

OK – last big weekend to officially travel before school kicks in for real, football season starts, and everyone gets serious about their day-to-day schedule!

I’ve adopted one travel tip I heard last year, and highly recommend it to you: Pack your cell phone charger in your carry-on bag.  It sounds overly simplistic, but it could be a life-saver if a flight is delayed or cancelled.  Having easy access to your charger to juice up your phone could mean the difference between making the next flight out (and checking in online) or staying the night after unsuccessfully racing from one ticket desk to another.

Thanking you in advance for turning your phone off when the flight attendants ask you to…  :D

Good Find Friday: School Supply Donations

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I just found out that Sleep Country has a program running through Labor Day where they’re accepting donations of school supplies for foster kids.   If you don’t have time to shop but want to participate, they even have an online option.

Think about getting involved in their program, or finding something similar in your neighborhood.  This is a great way to help the community whether or not you have children.  If you have kids, you can use this program to start their orientation to giving back.  Don’t worry about buying the whole checklist – even giving an extra box of pencils or spiral notebooks will help a girl or boy on the list.

Labor Day is just around the corner.  Do some good this week!