Category Archives: Spirituality

Lost Without Your Love

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Am I the only person who’s a little confused by Rihanna?  One minute she’s walking the red carpet and performing on an awards show.  The next, she’s exposing herself and cozying up, professionally and personally, to the man who viciously beat her, Chris Brown.  Huffington Post UK has gone so far as to ask, “Rihanna Has Forgiven Chris Brown: Are We Right to Remain Angry On Her Behalf?”

It may be easy to overlook her behavior.  After all, Rihanna is still in her twenties.  She has a reputation for partying hard.  Perhaps drugs and alcohol impair her better judgment.  I mean, what can you say about tweets like, “U know life is great when u wake up at 9 am DRUNK!!!!!”

But the underlying emotions are much more complicated.  In a recent interview with Oprah Winfrey she said about Chris, “I truly love him, so the main thing for me is that he is at peace.”  I was struck by the kindness of her words.  But then she went on, “I’m not at peace if he’s a little unhappy.”  That was the point where my jaw dropped open.

Medical intuitive Caroline Myss teaches that every decision you make either integrates you or fragments you.  Essentially you either becoming more aligned with your Higher Self, or become more disconnected.  I couldn’t help thinking about Caroline’s statement as I read Rihanna’s quote.  On the one hand, it seems like she’s trying to move forward with her life.  New people.  New situations.  On the other hand, she’s left an important piece of herself permanently linked to Chris.  Forgiving someone, and even wanting their happiness, doesn’t mean you need to remain in a dysfunctional relationship.

Maybe you haven’t been in a situation as extreme as Rihanna’s.  However, look around and see if there’s something in your own life where you’ve inadvertently left something important behind.   There’s a healthy way to acknowledge the lasting influence of someone or something without shattering your own life.  Do you have something which needs to be reclaimed?  This is the week!  Maybe you can take some inspiration from writer Yasmin Mogahed: “I was giving my heart away to everything, until there was nothing left.  As I grew spiritually, I also began to realize that I was not alone.  There were many people who lived their lives entrapped by the same repeated patterns of heartbreak and disappointment that I did.  What I learned from my own experience is that every heart can heal, and each moment is created to bring us closer to that transformative return.”

Sufficiency Is An Attitude

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Reading “Enough Already: The Power of Radical Contentment” was like a cool drink of water.  Alan Cohen uses a mix of mythological stories and personal experiences to persuasively illustrate how we can challenge the media perception that more always equates to better.  His writing style is similar to the tone in his radio show on Hay House Radio -thoughtful and conversational.  I’d encourage you to read a chapter and mull it over before you continue.  Don’t rush through this book – there is so much to savor in each section that you can easily use each of them independently.

I had many favorites in the large array of topics, starting with the first chapter, “Enough Already.”  Alan presents a bold yet simple statement: Sufficiency is an attitude.   This concept is beyond radical contentment; it’s almost heretical in our over-marketed American society.  However, readjusting our focus can show types of abundance we may not have considered – the person who lets us through in traffic, a task which may not take as much time as you thought, and an unexpectedly mild day in the heat of Summer.  He challenges us to accept whatever circumstances are currently in our life and declare them Good.

I also loved Alan’s thoughts about the importance of prayer, and different techniques of prayer.  As Kathianne Lewis at the Center for Spiritual Living likes to say, “Prayer can change a situation, but more importantly, it changes us.”  Alan provides several practical ways to deepen this part of your spiritual journey, including focusing on the emotional qualities you’d like to experience, rather than praying for a particular outcome.  If you’d like to find out more on this topic, I’d highly recommend “Handle with Prayer.”  In his prior work, Alan provides comforting and compelling prayer samples at the end of each chapter.

I’m excited about implementing the ideas in “Enough Already”.  As Alan reminds us via Isaac Bashevis Singer, “Life is God’s novel. Let Him write it.”

FTC disclosure: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Hay House for review purposes.   

A Mindful Nation: #TimRyan

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I saw a fascinating program recently about Fairfield, Iowa, where residents are devoted to meditation.  When I heard about Congressman Tim Ryan’s new book, it seemed like a natural companion to this story.  I was intrigued by the title, so I requested a complimentary copy from Hay House as part of their blogger program.

“A Mindful Nation: How a Simple Practice Can Help us Reduce Stress, Improve Performance, and Recapture the American Spirit” is a well written book covering a broad range of topics.  Congressman Ryan discusses everything from introducing meditation in schools to the outdated medical practice model. His interviews with veterans and their families are especially poignant.  Although heartbreaking at times, they only reiterate how useful mindfulness can be in training the whole person – both in preparation for war and civilian life after service.

No matter how familiar you are with this topic, Mr. Ryan gives you quick “What You Can Do” lists at the end of each chapter and plenty of practical “how’s”:

  • How to spark mindfulness (pg. 17)
  • How to get started (page 42)
  • How to disengage from negative situations (page 69)

One caution: don’t overlook this book by thinking, “Well, I’m not a political person” or “Sitting still is so boring – I could never do that.”  You will have insights into your actions and the environment around you even if you only select certain chapters.

I was especially interested in his observations about ways stress affects the body, and the transformative effect of using intention.  Listen to his description of his old morning routine.  Sound familiar? “Mindfulness helped me become aware of how my body and mind reacted to the stress of daily life, to get in touch with how my built-in survival mechanism could go into high gear when it had no valid reason to.  I could feel myself tense up if someone told me something I didn’t want to hear.  I would lose focus during a conversation because I was fretting about something that happened hours before.  I looked at my BlackBerry messages first thing in the morning and got thrown into a tailspin before I even got out of bed.”

Imagine growing up with awareness of your actions and their effect on others. In this book, Fred Rogers (a/k/a “Mr. Rogers”) inspired me to envision a world where these ideas are commonplace. “If we can teach children that feelings are mentionable and manageable, we will have done a great service for mental health.”

The New You

Posted on by Michelle Mains

One day I was listening to the Dr. Pat show, and she had Dr. John DeMartini on.  A woman called in for advice, but went on and on.  If you haven’t had a chance to hear John DeMartini, he’s a pretty upbeat guy.  Each time John tried to interrupt her with a positive suggestion, she would find a way of talking over him.  At one point in exasperation he said to her, “You are not your story!”  And I thought, “Hmmm…I doubt it.  I think having a story IS her story.”

We all have a story.  Some are little stories of the moment, or the year.  But others take hold of us, and before we know it can become themes in our life, even archetypes. The Fixer. The Clown. The Bank.

Author Sonia Choquette encourages us to drop the story, both the ones that are working and the ones which may be a little harder to admit.  I loved her fresh idea that you could view habits as a story you’ve outgrown.  I’m all for processing experiences in a deep way, but maybe some things should just easily and naturally fade or fall away.

Get a new story – let go of the old story. Holding on to the belief that you are only made up of old experiences disconnects you from Divine Guidance and Higher Vibration. Rather than letting your past define you, view it as a story you’ve outgrown or become tired of and invent a new story for yourself. Create a new you, one who experiences synchronicities, magical moments, Divine assistance, and happy endings. Don’t define yourself by others impressions and judgments. Define yourself as Spirit and invent a story that includes boundless help from Spirit.  Notice how attached you are to your old tired story of pain, suffering, frustration and victimhood.  Notice how often you recreate this miserable version of you when speaking or connecting with others. Do yourself and those around you a favor and retire the old story. It has “bad vibes” and cuts you off from higher guidance and positive vibrations.

If you celebrate Easter, this may be the week to embrace a new story.  To get started, I will leave you with a prayer from Ernest Holmes:

I now lift up my whole thought to the inflow of Divine Strength and infinite Wisdom.
I know that I am in a silent partnership with God-today, tomorrow and every day.
I accept the creative action and direction of the Spirit within me.
I know that new doorways are opened, that new opportunities for self-expression are now presenting themselves.
New ideas are coming into my mind.
I am meeting new situations.
I expect to accomplish and achieve.
Divine Intelligence flows through me, inspiring me, directing me into ever more worthwhile goals of creative endeavor.
God guides me in every way and new horizons of joyous living continually open up before me.
I accept the fullness of Life this moment.
And so it is!

Overwhelm the World: #TrayvonMartin

Posted on by Michelle Mains

When I have the chance, I like to listen online to the Noontime Holy Eucharist at Trinity Wall Street.  I’ve enjoyed getting to know each of their pastors.  They all have their own style; their own way of relating to the congregation and the world.

One of my favorites is Father Mark Bozzuti-Jones.  He seamlessly quotes Rumi and talks about Jeremy Lin.  He quietly encourages patience and wisdom, and then breaks up the Message with a joke.  If there’s one word to describe him, it would be “relevant”.

I was listening yesterday to Reverend Emily Bloemker describe her evolution with the Trayvon Martin story.  Casually seeing the headlines. Hearing friends start to discuss it.  And then seeing the groundswell in the media and among the congregation.  She eloquently reminded believers that they had an obligation to strive for righteousness, and at the same time, point out when justice had not occurred in the world.  Her comments were straightforward and heartfelt.

I was interested to see National Hoodie Day trending on my Twitter feed on Sunday.  Interestingly, at one point someone remarked that the more they Tweeted about it, the more followers they lost.  As a longtime leader in current events and social justice, I wasn’t surprised to see Trinity’s response.  On Sunday, Father Mark wore a hoodie while conducting the service, and even put the hood up at one point in a special observance.

In the last 24 hours, Father Mark hasn’t been alone.  Rallies have broken out across the nation, and many people have worn a hoodie in support of Trayvon Martin’s family, including one of my favorite political analysts, Donna Brazile.  Along with her picture, she tweeted, “Stand for justice, march for freedom, work for peace and reconciliation.”

In my own world, I’ve had a small taste of the intolerance which drove the Martin shooting.  I have a neighbor who decided to vandalize my property since he didn’t like the height of the hedge between our yards.  Yes; something that petty.  When I heard the story about George Zimmerman taking matters into his own hands, I had a sense of the fear and ignorance which drives this behavior.  Even with good intentions, “self-appointed” is often a bad idea.  Whether it’s the guy next door who’s decided he lives in a covenant neighborhood, or someone who has created a neighborhood watch and has an idea that safety involves pulling a gun on an unarmed 17-year old with Skittles.

I can only hope that good will somehow come from this terrible situation.  In the meantime, I am praying for comfort and peace for Trayvon’s family, who will be missing someone at their Easter table this year.

May everyone who is on the move protesting be encouraged by the words of South African activitist Bishop Desmond Tutu.  This is the time to listen to someone who dealt with years of injustice in our contemporary world, and yet rose above it.  “Do your little bit of good where you are; it’s those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world.”

Good Find Friday: Dan’s Everylove Story

Posted on by Michelle Mains

This beautiful video about Dan Dewey came up on my Twitter feed this week, and I couldn’t resist posting it.  What a simple and uncommonly beautiful story.  I’ve watched it again and again, and it always bring a smile to my face.  You will be especially touched if you’ve known anyone who is chronically or terminally ill.

If you want to get involved, send Dan a Starbuck’s card.

To the ordinary, extraordinary among us – de salud, Dan!

What I Would Like Instead

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Last month Laurie Puhn had an interesting article on Huffington Post about “10 Habits of Happy Couples.”  Normally I would have flipped through the slideshow in minutes, but I found myself hovering over #3, “Complain with Impact.”  Laurie gives concrete examples for all of her tips, but #3 reminded me of a phrase I heard late last year: What I would like instead is…

This concept from The Center for Non-Violent Communication sounds really simple, and yet it can be challenging to do, and do well.

“What I Would Like Instead” requires you to stop complaining for 5 minutes and think about your own needs and desires.

“What I Would Like Instead” demands that you actually make a decision other than “You just need to change”, and then also be articulate and confident enough to express it.

“What I Would Like Instead” makes you stop along the way to consider your own behavior. Is it possible you may be making things worse by your actions or inaction?  If you want peaceful interactions, are you acting peacefully?

Over the weekend I had a chance to listen to the New Year’s Eve service from the Center for Spiritual Living, and Kathianne Lewis mentioned that about 85% of resolutions are broken by February.  Not surprising; right?  The good news is that we’re already getting a second chance – yesterday was Chinese New Year’s.  If you’ve broken all your resolutions or haven’t enacted a single good intention, this might be a good practice to take on for the next 30 days.  In the words of actress Emma Thompson, “Any problem, big or small, within a family always seems to start with bad communication.  Someone isn’t listening.”

Love Doesn’t Go in Neat Steps

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I loved the title of “Love, God and the Art of French Cooking“.  I took my first trip to Paris in the Spring of 2011, and it seemed so romantic – the thought of combining the wonderful qualities found in French cooking with spiritual lessons.  I was eager to receive my copy from Hay House as part of their blogger program.  Unfortunately, it was a different experience altogether.  The title alludes to a charming concept which does not catch fire.

Love, God and the Art of French Cooking is the painful story of author James Twyman’s dysfunctional love life, with some conversations with chef Roger Dufau, the owner of bed and breakfast, Drew House, included.  It is those conversations which are the most appealing and heart-warming parts of the book.  Roger casually imparts his outlook on life with depth, humor and a quiet authenticity.  He reminded me of the best of European culture: sophisticated yet earthy, with a wonderful appreciation of simple pleasures.

I couldn’t wait to spend time with Roger.  He had so many gems:

  • On love: Love usually doesn’t go in neat steps – it’s rarely so well organized.
  • On spirituality: I learned so much from that man <renowned chef Alain Dutournier>, and to me, he is a great example of what it means to be spiritual without being pious.
  • On living a life of service, and living life with purpose (my favorite): When God gives us something to do for the world, it’s vital that we pay attention.

If you’re looking for something which tells a personal story with more than few culinary adventures thrown in, I highly recommend any of Ruth Reichl’s books.  If you happened to see Woody Allen’s darling “Midnight in Paris” this Fall and would like to create your own homage to French cooking, try some of the recipes in Ina Garten’s wonderful  “Barefoot in Paris: French Food You Can Make At Home”.  Cooking while listening to “Ma Vie En Rose” is optional…

Bon appetit!

Good Find Friday: The New Year’s Vow

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Debbie Ford had a really nice article on Heal Your Life this week.  I found her ideas in “The Vow” especially poignant.  They seemed like a wonderful way to kick off themes for 2012.  Hopefully you’ll find yourself in a line or two.  Enjoy!

My life is worth a billion blessings to all those I meet on my journey.

I am the heaven and all that exists in the sky above.

I am the vastness of my greatest thought and the infinite power that sources and sustains the entire universe.

On this day, I will remember who I am, what I am here for and why I chose the experiences that have come into my path this past year.

Today, I promise to leave the smallness of my darkest thoughts and melt with open arms into the never-ending, all-powerful love of my highest self.

Today, I surrender into the open arms of the new year, allowing each day of the upcoming year to surprise, comfort and nourish my soul’s deepest desires.

I vow to return to the spark of the divine and use my power to light up the world.

This year, I will give to others what I want back for myself.

If I want love, I will find ways to love each and every person I come across.

If I want peace, I will think peaceful thoughts, say peaceful words and pray for peace for all those who are living in chaos, including myself.

If I want success, I will work diligently to help those around me succeed. I will stay focused, do my absolute best and seek excellence in everything I do.

If I want respect, I will begin by respecting life and all that comes with it. I will respect those around me and those who work hard to make this planet a better place. I will respect the earth, my body, my past and the gifts that I hold and I will surrender judgment for reverence.

In this New Year, I trust that what I give to the world will be given back to me.

Comparison is the Thief of Joy

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Joel Osteen had a wonderful message this week.  I thought it was a simple reminder about keeping your enthusiasm about life, but it ended up as so much more.

In passing, he mentioned that one of the things which could create a dismal outlook was comparison to other people.  It reminded me of a conversation I had with a friend earlier this year.  We were astonished how people who were probably in our common income bracket could take multiple exotic vacations, live in a new construction home, and replace their cars with brand new luxury vehicles every other year.  After a while he shrugged his shoulders and said, “Well, comparison is the thief of joy.”  (Attributed to Teddy Roosevelt.)

Agapi Stassinopoulous published a great essay on this topic on Huffington Post.  In her article, she mentioned how ingrained comparisons were when she was working as an actress.  On the one hand, constantly comparing herself to others seemed a necessary evil.  When she gave it more thought, it was more evil than necessary.  She was able to step back and understand that it was deeply narcissistic, and in the end, rarely productive.

In this week’s broadcast, Joel stated, “You will never stay passionate as long as you are comparing your life to someone else’s.  Your co-worker’s husband looks like he stepped out of GQ; your husband looks like he stepped out of DQ (Dairy Queen)!”  He went on with similar, funny comparisons, but ended with some amazing truths.  “I don’t have the power to enjoy your life.  We are uniquely designed to run our own race.  The life you have has been perfectly matched for you.”

It made me realize all the experiences which I’ve treasured; situations which have made me who I am.  And interestingly, none of them were exotic vacations, a new construction home, or a luxury car.

It might be easy in the coming weeks to be jealous of the expenditures you see going on around you.  Instead, like Joel Osteen, I invite you to stop the sideways glance out the window and rekindle passion for your own life.  In the words of Anne de Lenclos, “Today a new sun rises for me; everything lives, everything is animated, everything seems to speak to me of my passion, everything invites me to cherish it.”