Category Archives: Work

What Would a Wise and Very Patient Person Do?

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I was checking out the She Works Tumblr, and someone had posted new advice: “What Would a Wise and Very Patient Person Do?”  Have you ever stopped to ask yourself that elegant question in the midst of a tough negotiation or a heated conversation?  True confession: I haven’t either!  This idea is a perfect way to pause before jumping in, and fits with this month’s theme about work of “stories I would tell the 23 year old me.”

Most people will tell you that communication is key to success, but how do you do it well?  Here are 5 practical ideas if you’re new to the workplace.  They’re also best practices if you’re volunteering (from a political campaign to your neighborhood PTA):

  1. Have the 1′, 5′ and 10′ version.  It’s good to be passionate.  It’s not so good when you dive into the weeds about your topic and no one can follow what you’re saying.  No matter how long your presentation is supposed to be, prepare a one minute, five minute, and ten minute version. Don’t think of it as getting cut off or minimized.  Instead, be confident that you can get your message across in a clear and complete way, even if time is short.  Know how to get to “just the headlines”; fill in the color later.  By the way – that long, crowded elevator ride with your VP where you stop on every floor?  Heads up – you may have just had your annual review in those three minutes, so think on your feet.
  2. Land the Plane.  Save the ability to improvise for 15 minutes about any topic for your local Toastmasters meeting. Instead, before you start talking consider, “What is the one thing I want people to know?”  Starting from the end will help if the conversation veers off track, even if it’s a positive discussion.  Know how to get back to your key point(s) and land the plane.
  3. Your Mail Has Just Been Forwarded.  Have you ever received an email that demanded a response?  A tough reply may be called for, but think twice before you angrily hit “send”.  In this era, we’re all one click away from being the bad example on TMZ, Gawker or even the New York Times.  Even if things don’t get that far, do you really want your VP to read the mail where you had a tantrum?  Put that note in your Drafts folder and sleep on it.
  4. You Have Not Because You Ask Not.  Is the project stuck because you don’t truly understand the next steps?  Take a few minutes to think about possible solutions.  Going into a meeting or sending an email with clear “asks” doesn’t need to be overbearing and dictatorial.  Clarify what is yours to do…and what belongs to someone else.
  5. Finish.  As I mentioned in Play With the Big Kids, I’ve met a lot of fun and charismatic people.  Their presentations are usually loaded with enthusiasm.  Unfortunately, they often don’t figure out the details about how they can accomplish their goal, and their big idea ultimately falls flat.  Be different.  Be the person who sees things over the finish line. If you love your project, other people will too!

Your words matter.  This week, instill them with your unique passion, personality and intelligence!

Play With The Big Kids

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Are you new on the job this month?  You may be a little overwhelmed by all the people you’re meeting.  Here’s an idea to sort through your encounters – Decide early that you’ve come to play with the big kids.

There are all kinds of big kids.  The most obvious ones have big titles.  It’s natural to want face time with high ranking people at your company.  But a word of caution: trying to get the attention of a high powered executive doesn’t mean that you’ve connected with the best person for your career.

Then there’s the kid with the big laugh.  Charismatic people with bright personalities can be a lot of fun.  Many meetings need a little lightness, but some of these kids don’t know when to quit cracking jokes.  Everything is really funny…until you miss your deadline because you’ve been goofing off.

And there are also kids with a big brain.  Intelligence is often core to success.  However, listening to someone run through the minutae of every company policy is tedious and exhausting, no matter how smart they are.

The big kids who have been most helpful to me haven’t fit simple categories.  They also weren’t the most noticeable people.  Over time, I gravitated away from the examples above and looked for big kids who aligned with my job as well as my personality.  Maybe people like this will be helpful on your professional development path, too:

  • I learned how to read a contract by working for a young attorney who explained every section to me – a task that our VP, as much as she liked me, didn’t have time to do. 
  • I increased my listening skills by observing him in meetings.  As the Production team walked through creative concepts, I began to understand how we could create a strong contract without squeezing all the creativity and fun out of the project.
  • I improved my presentations by spending time with Sales people.  The Account Executives presented all the time, and had great tips for content and style.
  • I became a better negotiator by working with a seasoned Business Development executive.  He taught me basic skills like how to create an agenda and use meeting time well.  Most importantly, he taught me how to be comfortable with silence.  When I hear someone talking endlessly, I remember the hours we spent together where he demonstrated the incredible power of knowing when to simply let words stand on their own.
  • I became more thoughtful about my responses and controlling my emotions by studying teachers like Louise Hay and Florence Scovel Shinn.  They are some of the big kids of New Thought.  Their ideas didn’t fit in a traditional business paradigm, but I’ve found that what I do during off hours is as important as what happens on the job.  Bring your whole self to work.

As you begin to develop or redefine your work circle, think of the qualities you’d like to attract.  It’s a cliché but true – like attracts like.  While you’re building your set, don’t forget that people may be admiring some of your qualities. Are you kind, skilled in a particular area, or simply present with people as they speak?  You may be someone else’s style icon.  This week, be the big kid!

Don’t

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Do you know someone who’s graduating in June?  This month’s series, “Stories for your first workplace,” is for them.  My friends often hear me tell stories about work where I’ll joke, “What I would tell the 23 year old me is…”  Over the next few weeks, I’ll share ideas for anyone heading out to their first full-time job, switching jobs, or going back to work full time.  And these concepts are relevant even if you’re not 23!

A couple of weeks ago, I ran across a Tumblr with business advice from prominent women.  It’s worth a click since it’s filled with practical as well as poetic ideas. They’ve even opened it up so you can add you’re your own sign to the mix.  Just a warning – some of the posts are defensive and negative.  Breeze past the bitterness; you don’t need to take that with you.

Here are some of my favorites:

“Enjoy what you do, do what you enjoy.”

“Do more of what makes you awesome.”

“Life is about moments.  Don’t wait for them, create them.”

“To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”

The one that made me laugh the loudest?  “Do you think Beyonce gChats?  Focus.”

I nodded my head in agreement with much of the advice, but one of the signs really caught my eye.  It simply said, “Don’t.”  When I read, “Don’t”, several people flashed in my mind.  Here are a couple of stories I would tell the 23 year old me:

  • Don’t.  Someone should have mentioned “don’t” to the Summer intern who couldn’t get to her VP’s meeting on time.  When asked why she showed up 20 minutes late but with a Starbucks in hand, she confidently announced that she “just wasn’t a morning person.”  Unfortunately for her, the VP decided she wasn’t a full-time person, either.  At the end of the internship, she didn’t get an offer for full-time employment.
  • Don’t.  This is what the women should have said after looking in the mirror before leaving for a professional event.  Skinny jeans, sky high heels and oversized hoop earrings are beautiful…when you’re clubbing.  At 8:30 in the morning, she inadvertently gave the impression she was desperately trolling for dates.
  • Don’t.  The guy should have thought this before he published posts on Facebook about his weekend drinking binges.  With your nearest and dearest, some of these stories can be kind of funny.  But he forgot he was posting in front of his manager and 30 other work “friends”.  You probably won’t be surprised when I tell you he was passed over the next time prestige assignments were handed out.

As you start your week, you’ll find many moments on your job where you can practice discernment.  It’s not about waiting for a booming voice on high.  Before you act, you will hear your soul whispering, “Don’t”.

What’s My Theme: I Give A Shout-Out

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Shortly after I bought my house, I had some pretty serious plumbing issues.  I arrived at work totally stressed out one morning, and immediately and unintentionally unloaded on the first person I saw in the kitchen.  It ended up being a Divine Connection.  She rolled her eyes in agreement, quietly laughed and said, “Oh – don’t worry about it.  I had similar problems when we remodeled our house.  Let me give you the name of a wonderful plumbing company in Seattle.  I went to school with the owner’s son.  When you call them, be sure to use my name!”  You can imagine my relief.  And she was right – the company was filled with professional people who couldn’t have been more helpful.

Do you have a similar theme?  Are you the person who naturally has the hook-up?  I love knowing these go-to people.  You casually mention you’re going on a trip and they immediately say, “Who’s taking care of your animals?  I know a fantastic kennel.”  Someone with toddlers joins the team and you’ll overhear their conversation, “I’ll call your wife with names of some babysitters.  We knew some great families when we lived on that side of town.”

These actions are more than being friendly or a good neighbor.  Sociologists will tell you that you’re exhibiting the habits of a “social connector,” a concept popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book, “The Tipping Point: How Little Things Make a Big Difference.”  Social connectors have so many superb qualities.  If you’re looking for a new theme, a social connector may be worth emulating.

Social connectors work in a kind way with everyone from the clerk at the grocery store to the VP at the office.  It would be easy to minimize this quality as personal style, but don’t breeze past this important attribute.  In this context, style is everything.  Social connectors have an effortless nature which is the polar opposite of the grasping, chasing pace of networking.  It wouldn’t occur to them to frantically collect mounds of business cards at every event they attend.  They create authentic relationships, one step at a time.

Another hallmark of social connectors is their positive generosity.  Over and over again, you’ll provide feedback and hear responses like, “Oh – aren’t the people at that kennel great?  They’re so caring,” or “I always loved having that babysitter over.  She’s such a sweet girl!”  Conversely, have you ever run into some who keeps reminding you how much you “owe them” for using “their” referrals?  It can give you second thoughts about taking someone up on their offer.  Instead, social connectors are the personification of “paying it forward”.  They’re thrilled when everything ends on a positive note.

This week, find one or two places where you can be the social connector.  Where can you deeply listen to someone else’s conversation and connect them with just the right person?  Where can you give the shout-out?  In the beautiful words of Thich Nhat Hanh, “I vow to offer joy to one person in the morning, and to help to relieve the grief of one person in the afternoon.”

What’s My Theme: I Put On a Happy Face

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I heard a story about a coach who started her practice by giving a friends and family rate to clients.  “Maya,” a smart, engaging entrepreneur who had a multi-level marketing business, was one of her first consultations.  They were having a great time getting to know one another, but different parts of Maya’s story didn’t seem to add up.  Midway through their session the Coach quietly said, “You’re a faker.”

Maya hit the roof.  “What?!  How can you say that to me?  Authenticity is one of my highest priorities!  I have integrity in everything I do! That’s totally wrong!”

The Coach was taken aback.  “Oh, I’m so sorry.  I didn’t mean that you were inauthentic.  I mean you try to make everything all right, no matter how challenging things are.  You have a hard time admitting when you’re facing something tough – that’s why you fake it.  Why do you feel like you always have to put on a happy face?”

Maya was surprised, but she immediately understood the Coach’s feedback.  She was a little embarassed.  And then annoyed.  And ultimately humbled.  As she went through different areas of her life, she knew the Coach was right.  She also understood that it meant coming clean in places where she had put on the happy face.  This was an especially challenging task since she was in business with her family.  Over the next month, she had meeting after meeting with the family explaining the details of the business, even the ones that weren’t so pretty.

I think we all have Maya’s theme someplace in our life.  Maya was the strong, competent businesswoman to her affiliates.  In an effort to encourage them when business was down, she would gloss over financial realities which were their common concern.  At home, she was the playful little sister.  However, she felt compelled to cheer everyone up as her parents’ marriage disintegrated.  And she was the fun-loving adventurer to her friends.  Even when things didn’t go as planned, she had to reassure the rest of the group about how much fun they were having.  From the outside looking in, her life seemed to be working, but ultimately she was exhausted.

This week, take a look at your world and see where you may be putting on a happy face.  It’s a little different than being positive in the face of adversity and recognizing the cyclic nature of life. (As Joel Osteen likes to joke, “This problem didn’t come to stay, it came to pass!”)  Putting on a happy face means that you’re fearful about being honest.  You’re afraid what might happen if you faced the truth.  And you’re worried about what will happen next if you admit what’s really going on.

Be brave!  You may have some difficult moments, but working through problems when they’re small is so much better than facing a harsh reality that could have been avoided.  I’ll leave you with an affirmation from one of my favorite authors, Sandra Anne Taylor: “I expect the best, and I am equipped to deal with the rest!”

What’s My Theme: I Play It Cool

Posted on by Michelle Mains

Have you ever found yourself in the middle of a heated situation where emotions keep escalating?  This is what happened to me over the last few weeks.  In spite of the tension, my colleague, “Jay”, showed an incredible amount of poise.  You could say his theme was: “I play it cool”.

Many people are incorporating the practice of detachment into their spiritual lives.  It’s true that we often hold on much too tightly to our ideal outcome.  However, detachment may become so watered down that it results in apathy like my earlier column, “Too Motivated By the Miracle.”  Is there anyone in your world who doesn’t take much action?  Instead they insist dreamily, “If it’s meant to be…it will be.”  It’s wonderful to state your intention and be open to what comes next.  However, if you have no interest in what actually shows up, are you too detached?  Have you missed an opportunity to direct your gifts, intellect and passion?

Jay demonstrated detachment beautifully.  Day after day, week after week, the work scenarios would change.  The project manager was a spur of the moment, free spirit.  She was light on details and couldn’t understand Jay’s growing frustration with the churn.  After all, everything would eventually come together – right?

There were a few tense moments, but Jay never lost his temper. As I thought back, I recalled one hard project after another we’ve encountered.  They all had the same hallmarks – his behavior was consistently positive.  His actions quietly showed: “I know what’s important.”  “I know who I am and stay in peace, no matter what’s going on around me.”  “I ride the wave.  I respond to circumstances instead of fighting them.”

My blood pressure levels dropped as his calm, direct responses trickled in.  Let’s be honest – most of us start to fly off the handle when people are pushy.  Instead, the dynamics were reshaped and constantly transformed.  Here are a few examples:

  • Deadline moved up a week?  Let me see what I can do to finish this early.
  • Documents need to modified and reviewed again?  I only have time to make a few small changes, but it will keep us on track.
  • Hiring a new vendor?  Next time use someone pre-approved, but here are some talking points about our policies in the meantime.  Let me know how things go.

Alternately, think about the questions above with answers like, “How could you do this to me!” or “Why are you even suggesting that!”  Being outrageous may be colorful in the moment, but it rarely solves problems.  Instead of remembering brilliant solutions, the only story people tell is, “Wow – that guy is really a screamer.”  Jay was the opposite – as the emails piled up, he would often catch me in the hall, shake his head and make a quick joke about the latest development, and then peacefully move on with his day.

This week, I encourage you to find your own best expression of detachment.  No matter what comes your way, resolve to stay cool!  Remember the counsel of sculptor Auguste Rodin, “Patience is also a form of action.”

What’s My Theme: I Love a Project

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I was watching a retrospective about Lucille Ball, and her co-star Gale Gordon told a funny story about how Lucy often bore no resemblance to her onscreen characters.  Rather than being absent minded and a laugh a minute, she was usually on task.  Her famously strong work ethic only became more pronounced following her divorce from Desi Arnaz.  He reminisced about cutting up with the cast and crew while they waited for Lucy to finish in the make-up chair.  Things would be loose on the set until the door flew open.  “And then Madame would hit the floor…,” he smiled and trailed off, shaking his head at the memory.

This story inspired the topic for May, “What’s My Theme?”  Like Lucy, my friends will tell you that I love a project.  My calendar usually includes many active contract negotiations at work, reorganizing at home, and lots of creative writing.  Do your days have the same kind of variety? Projects shouldn’t be vanilla, boring and neutral; they should be alive with your talents and imagination.  Clearing out your closet or making dinner is only dull if you approach it that way.  However, there can be a shadow side if your project love results in endlessly churning one responsibility after another.

Years ago I worked with a woman who was hyper, hyper productive.  I was in constant admiration of how quickly she would return email.  She had an uncanny ability to process data, think through options quickly, and propose several solutions.  She seemed so inventive.  So engaged.  It was really remarkable how many plates she could keep spinning.  For a while.

I began to see how her initiatives started with a lot of enthusiasm, but few had long-term impact.  Her team picked up on the same trend and began to dread the endless stream of requests.  Since she could process through hundreds of emails a day, she thought it would be a breeze for everyone else.  It never occurred to her that no one really enjoyed working through note after note she lobbed and hammered over the net.  Instead of seeing her assignments as meticulous attention to detail, they viewed her as petty and unrelenting.  Her insecurity about never having enough accomplishments pushed her to constantly kick-off more and more projects. After a while, people began to avoid working with her.

In the story above, I give Lucille Ball all the credit in the world.  There may be people who were disappointed by her behavior after having pre-conceived notions about how fun she would be.  But let’s be clear – there’s a time to get to work.  Lucy was keenly aware of her responsibilities after she bought Desi Arnaz out of his share of Desilu and became the first woman to lead a studio.  Whether you’re negotiating a contract or remodeling a kitchen, all projects have moments which call for diligence and discipline.

This week, you may be walking a fine line between Project Manager and Firestarter.  I’m confident you’ll find your own perfect blend of either following through or knowing when to rest and be satisfied with the results at hand.  There’s no need to power through life like a 1-speed blender.  I’m inspired by Rabbi Menachem Mendel Schneerson, “When you waste a moment, you have killed it in a sense, squandering an irreplaceable opportunity.  But when you use the moment properly, filling it with purpose and productivity, it lives on forever.”

The Beautiful Miss

Posted on by Michelle Mains

I was watching QVC the other day, and one of the show hosts was talking about dressing around her figure problems after she had a baby.  She said, “I thought I was doing pretty well the first year back from maternity leave, and then one of the guys passed me in the cafeteria.  He called out – “Hey, when’s the new baby due?”  I thought – oh, no!  Back to Pilates class for me!”  (As you’ve probably figured out, she wasn’t pregnant.)

Talk about the beautiful miss!  Luckily it was clear to the host that her co-worker wasn’t trying to be insensitive.  Instead of waiting for offense, she was able to laugh it off.  She just had a few more pounds around her middle than usual, and he blurted out the first thing that came into his head.

Have you ever found yourself in a similar situation?  Sometimes things are simply awkward, and you’re not sure what to say.  On a more serious note, you may be so stunned by someone’s news that you’re speechless trying to process.  Worse yet, perhaps someone is deliberately putting you on the spot.

What do you say when things are still in flux?  When situations are still developing, and you have no idea what the future holds?  Perhaps having the right words at the right time simply means communicating as authentically as possible, embracing ambiguity instead of trying to avoid it.  Culturally we’re oriented to the quick fix.  However, it’s all right to recognize that you don’t have to have the perfect answer in seconds.  Nervous chatter is the junk food of communication – it fills space, but rarely satisfies. 

I wanted to end this series by giving you some elegant responses I’ve heard in the last few months.  They appeal to me since they are “bridge” statements.  None of them are a complete or final answer.  They give plenty of space for the other person to respond as the situation unfolds:

  • To a man whose mother has been diagnosed with breast cancer: “I don’t know what the future holds, but I am here for you.”
  • During a contentious negotiation: “We agree on x and y.  Why don’t we give z some thought and reconvene on Friday?”
  • For a couple who found out their child was abusing drugs: “That’s a really difficult situation.  Will you let me know how things go with your first counseling visit this week?”

This week I’m going to employ the “WAIT” (“Why Am I Talking?”) tactic.  Before I jump in with a snappy comeback or outworn cliche, I’m going to take a breath.  I want my comments to be welcome and well received.   In the gentle words of Tenzin Gyatso, the 14th Dalai Lama, “Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible.”

My Say = My Way

Posted on by Michelle Mains

My friend, “Suzanne”, fell in love early and thought she was set for life.  Her husband, “Matt”, was a great guy. Well, most of the time.  Matt had a mistaken impression that Suzanne’s offhand comment, “I want you to be happy” meant “Feel free to do whatever you want.  If you’re happy, that’s all that matters.”  For Matt, being happy translated into spending long hours at the office, and out at dinners and events with clients.  He gave Suzanne whatever time and energy was left, which wasn’t much.  Their relationship cratered in short order.

Talking in the car one day about her starter marriage, she made an interesting comment.  “The problem in my marriage is that I didn’t have a voice,” she said defiantly.

I understood the importance of having an equal voice in the partnership.  At the same time, I was concerned about the way she was rewriting history.  Her husband was a very stubborn guy, not given to much compromise.  I worried about her romanticizing the situation.

We talked some more, and then I said, “Suzanne, if you had had a bigger voice in your marriage, you would have gotten divorced even earlier.”

I could tell she was stunned.  But after thinking about it for a couple of minutes, she reluctantly agreed.

Have you ever run into people with a similar belief?  Regrettably many people have gone too far and convinced themselves that simply speaking their truth is all that is needed in a situation.  As a professional negotiator, I can assure you that’s rarely the case.  Somehow people have forgotten that your opening presentation is just that – the opening.  There’s often a fair amount of listening and compromising that goes on before a contract gets signed.  I’ve almost never seen situations where my say = my way.

Think of the couple in “Speaking the Truth in Divine Timing” trying to discuss vacation plans.  Can you imagine the wife suggesting going to Hawaii and expecting to be met by her husband responding, “Oh yes.  Just go ahead and plan whatever you want.  After all, you’re speaking your truth!”

It may be a silly illustration above, but a couple of themes came forward as we talked more.  They’re worth remembering, whether you’re negotiating a big deal or a week long vacation.

There’s a joke about the electoral process in Chicago: “Vote early and often”.  In the first blush of love, Suzanne let her husband dominate conversations with his confidence and enthusiasm.  She often lacked the right words at the right time, waiting until she thought of the perfect expression hours or days later.  She usually wasn’t successful reviving the conversation; Matt thought everything was settled.  As the years progressed, once she voiced her opinion, it wasn’t a whisper, it was a roar.

Also, in forcing her point with Matt, Suzanne forgot to leave room for a better idea, even if it wasn’t her ideal scene.  After all, Matt was a sharp guy.  He was fantastic about finding clever and amicable solutions.  But having been turned down over small things time and again, Suzanne refused to give an inch to Matt’s suggestions.  She began to see even the smallest compromise as selling out.  The bitter root of resentment began to grow, and it bore fruit in every area: their words, their actions and everything in their home had the same bitterness.

I’m sorry things didn’t work out for Suzanne, but she’s found her true voice, and it’s a beautiful one.  This week, think about using the ideas above before you issue an ultimatum.  In the words of Winston Churchill, “Criticism may not be agreeable, but it is necessary.  It fulfills the same function as pain in the human body.  It calls attention to an unhealthy state of things.”

Speaking the Truth in Divine Timing

Posted on by Michelle Mains

One of the gals at the office, “Linda,” got married a year ago, and we were catching up about married life over lunch.  “I finally learned not to talk to my husband about anything serious after 9:00.”

“Really – what’s the problem?” I asked, fearing the worst.

“Oh – it’s not as bad as it sounds.  He just doesn’t listen to me at that time of night.  He’s tired, he’s ready to watch SportsCenter and just go to bed.  I think I’m finally getting the hang of it, though.”

“You are?” I said.   “What’s the trick?”

“I give him time to process.  I usually warn him a couple of days ahead.  I’ll say – We’re sitting down on Tuesday night and discussing vacation over dinner.  In 10 minutes we work out vacation plans that would have taken us a week in half-baked hallway conversations.  I like having things resolved, and he gets to crash at night.  It’s the perfect arrangement,” she laughed.

Linda makes a good point, and she gave me the theme for this month: The right words at the right time.  Speaking your truth is a popular topic.  Getting things off your chest can be important, but it’s only half the battle.  Iyanla Vanzant uses a four question process before having a heart-to-heart conversation:

  • Does something need to be said?
  • Does something need to be said by me?
  • Does something need to be said by me right now?
  • Can I say it in a way that I would like to hear it?

When I first heard this method, I struggled with the last question.  After a while, it hit me – it’s probably more important to speak your truth in a way the other person can hear it.

This is what happened to Linda.  She’s a natural night owl, so she wanted to have long, intricate conversations as she was hitting her stride after sundown.  Her husband, on the other hand, is winding down the minute the dinner dishes are done.  They needed to find some common ground for communication, especially when it was a sensitive subject.

Linda’s open-minded, intentional approach also gave them a chance to really listen to each other and have a dialogue.  Can you imagine the response Linda would have received if she insisted that they go to Hawaii at 10:00 at night?  She may have thought she was suggesting a romantic, relaxing vacation while her husband felt badgered and manipulated into a high ticket, big decision as he was trying to go to bed.  Or can you see the spontaneous, bitter argument they might have had if he was adamant about going camping instead?  Since they weren’t rushing or having a sniper conversation in the hallway, they could amicably and even gently work through contentious points before they became hardened grievances.

This week, consider asking for some Divine guidance about not only what to say, but how and when to say it.  Ask for help in sending your message in a way that can be fully received by the other person.  Here’s a quick 5-sentence affirmative prayer to take with you:

I affirm that I am communicating authentically, with grace and ease.

The right time for this conversation is making itself apparent, and I am so grateful.

I am open to the highest solution, even if it isn’t what I have in mind right now. 

Everyone involved will be blessed and satisfied by the outcome.

And so it is.