I had lunch with a colleague I hadn’t seen in a while, and it was good to catch up. But I noticed that our conversation slid downhill and became like the joke on Seinfeld about Festivus, the day of airing grievances. Were the emotions genuine? Yes. Effective? Not really! An hour later, no problems were solved. Can you relate?
In the October series, Showcase Your Authentic Voice at Work, we’re discussing how you can combine being genuine with excellent communication skills. Getting wound up about issues isn’t a failing—it’s human. But what misses the mark is thinking clapbacks and put-downs are the only way to show authenticity.
Before a throwdown happens, redirect all that emotion in productive ways. (Notice the goal is to be productive, not generate false positivity.) For instance, temper how you convey or address grievances by using sophisticated qualities like compassion and wise judgment. Those abilities are marketable skills—that’s why you want to make practicing them part of your expertise.
Let’s meet someone who overcame serious opposition to his authentic expression. By putting some mad skills into play, he wound up opening the door to his future.
Zander Moricz had plenty to say. In fact, he had been noodling on a high school commencement speech since he was a freshman. There was just one problem: Plenty of people didn’t want him sharing what was on his mind.
The negative feedback he received was more than a generational clash—school educators threatened to cut his mic. That’s because his speech about being a gay teen also included protesting the Florida Parental Rights in Education Act, which was coined the “Don’t say gay” law.
Zander immediately pivoted, rewriting his address. He kept the concepts but substituted LGBTQ references with the euphemism of what it was like to live with curly hair. It was a clever move, but his meaning and experiences remained clear.
Now Zander runs the Social Equity and Education Alliance, teaching young people how to engage in political activism. By elevating his voice, what could have been a moment is now a movement.
You may not be in a dire situation where censorship is threatened, but let’s face it—everyone has something they’re fired up about. But instead of running straight at emotionally charged, complicated problems, try a surgical approach. That’s a tactic negotiators use all the time to close tough deals. (And the advice to tread carefully goes double when you’re dealing with a co-worker who doesn’t know when to quit.)
The surgical approach is kind of like remodeling a house. The last thing you do is have a contractor tear the whole house to pieces. Instead, you start small in the bathroom. Then you take a break before switching out the light fixtures in the living room. And when you’ve established a good working relationship and trust with your contractor, you jump into the big job of overhauling the kitchen while the rest of the house stays intact.
Likewise, take sensitive conversations one step at a time with people skills. Keep your heartfelt emotions but be discerning about how and when you communicate your concerns. Here are three ways to start:
No one likes to be called out or torn down, even when things are out of order. So, shift from loudly airing grievances to compelling others to care about what you care about. Be a leader by elevating your voice.