A friend is getting serious about his girlfriend, so you can imagine how nervous he was to travel to Texas to meet her family. Unfortunately, he didn’t get the rave reviews he was hoping for. He told me, “I was on my company manners, but the judging was endless. I got the silent side-eye at every meal.”
“Well, mother-in-law relationships can be tough,” I said, trying to console him.
“Mother-in-law? I was talking about my girlfriend’s brother, who’s home from college!”
Ahh, my friend was on the receiving end of the controversial Gen Z stare. There are lot of versions going around. So, just to level set, I’m talking about the prolonged gaze—the one where you’re unsure if the person has registered what you’re saying.
Some people argue that The Stare is an act of agency, with a spectrum ranging from protecting emotional overload to refusing to engage in annoying conversations. But here’s what the funny TikToks forget to mention: You may think you’re dishing out a shutdown, but that shutdown could come with a harsh tax.
For instance, here are emotional intelligence misfires at work you may have noticed:
* People might think someone can’t keep pace, giving rise to a “doesn’t fit in” narrative;
* People see a lack of response as disrespectful or belittling someone else’s input; and
* People are overlooked for critical client interactions. Leaders may think someone is great at drafting deals in the backroom, but they’re frozen out of client dinners or A-list social events.
However, if you utilize people skills like managing your emotions and applying your lived experience, you have a new communication tool for your toolkit. So, here are three instances where that tool will be effective, regardless of the generation you’re in.
Use The Stare when:
Social pressure to be polite at work isn’t new. So, toggle off hasty choices and toggle on to knowing when and where to use The Stare.
In the July series, Toggle Off/Toggle On with People Skills, we’ve discussed how people skills can help you say no to everyday pressures and yes to better choices. The toggle exercise can sound flip, but it’s a fast way to stack rank your investments. So, imagine a dashboard. Where are you ready to invest more deeply and push the slider up? And where do you want to toggle off altogether?
Here’s a recap of what we’ve learned, plus the relevant soft skills:
The midpoint of the year is the perfect time for a refresh. So, act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and use people competencies to take charge of your choices.