3 Ways to Use Healthy Self-Esteem

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In the July series, Soft Skills Basic Training, we’re discussing five different soft skills—adaptability, creativity, discernment, and healthy self-esteem. Healthy self-esteem sounds good, but does it stump you because you’re worried about coming across as egotistical or arrogant?

Let’s set a new baseline. Say yes to qualities like:

• Self-awareness, where you know how you’re affecting others;
• Self-confidence, where you are sure of your talents and skills; and
• Self-respect, where you take actions that honor yourself.

The “no” column is easy. Walk away from all the bad behaviors you see on social media and reality TV, like a fake humble brag, being selfish, or having a “What’s in it for me?” mindset. Those qualities won’t get you far in relationships!

Are You Making Self-Honoring Decisions?

My friend Jack had a situation where his adult daughter put his ability to honor himself to the test. Jack had the good fortune to provide a comfortable life for his family. So, when his daughter decided to jump into the real estate market, she thought he would be happy to underwrite the down payment for her first house.

He told me, “I was so torn. After a lot of thought, I told her, ‘I love you. I support you. And I want you to be happy. But I’ve crunched the numbers, and it’s tough for me to come up with that kind of cash. Also, a gift of that size would throw off my retirement plans. If you’re set on buying this house, you’ll need to make other arrangements.”

3 Takeaways

Jack’s hard discussion with his daughter shows how soft skills can work together. He was empathetic to her request. He used a creative, flexible approach to determine if he could accommodate her. But then he made the wise decision to tell her the truth about his financial situation. That kind of communication was honest and self-honoring. What wouldn’t have been self-honoring was getting into debt he couldn’t afford.

Instead of falling into egoism, which is a mask for fear, use healthy self-esteem to:

• Create your list of must-haves for every relationship;
• Determine if you’re surrounded by your tribe or if it’s time to move on; and
• Decide if a situation aligns with your values.

5 Soft Skills Recap

Now that we’ve gone through all five soft skills, you can see how they can help you stay ahead of problems that used to be the boss of you. When you use soft skills, you are agile enough to draw on one skill (or maybe even all five!) to get out of sticky situations. Let’s recap how soft skills help you solve hard problems:

1. Adaptability dissolves a fixed mindset.
2. Creativity brings imagination and flair to what seems unsolvable.
3. Discernment ensures you’re making the right decision at the right time.
4. Empathy keeps you kind and compassionate. You can say, “I get that,” even when you disagree.
5. Healthy self-esteem blends confidence with staying humble.

Whenever someone quizzes you about your best soft skill, act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and say, “One? Let me tell you about my top five!”