I have a thoughtful, soft-spoken friend who always amazes me with colorful stories from her days at a rough-and-tumble Big Law firm. After I complained about a tough deal, she laughed, “You’ve got to get a thicker skin! Do you know how many crazy insults were thrown my way on Wall Street?”
It’s tough to hear, but true: Hard people aren’t personal to you—they’re standard issue in life. Combative and argumentative people show up at every job, every place you live, every road you drive, and every vacation you take. That’s why it’s worth honing your people skills.
There’s a myth that soft skills make you weak. Instead, they’re a concrete way to stay the strong, confident you. You’re at the mercy of others when emotions and triggers become the boss of you. But you’re back in charge—not a doormat—when you understand how to make shrewd choices and get creative in what, when, and how you communicate.
In the February series, Relationship Audit, we’ve talked about how to use people skills in personal relationships such as friends, community groups, and passion projects. There’s one last relationship to audit: The one you have with yourself. And there’s something to be said for having the self-confidence to have your own back—that’s what happened to Alexis Ohanian.
If you didn’t see the battle on X, Jason Whitlock called Alexis a simp and a beta after Serena Williams appeared at the Super Bowl halftime show. Ohanian skipped past the merits of Serena’s appearance and took aim at Jason’s bullying, which was displayed in technicolor once he started name-calling.
In part, Alexis replied, “Criticism only fuels your victim complex, reinforcing the comforting delusion that there’s some grand conspiracy against you and your “brave ideas”—when, in reality, you’ve just got terrible takes. It’s a cycle: outrage, backlash, self-pity, repeat.”
He cautioned, “This is a lonely road. There’s still time to rewrite the ending—by working on yourself first. You’ll find that if you wake up every morning trying to be a little better, a little more curious, you won’t have time for irrational hating—you’ll be too busy winning.”
Like the case study, are you facing a situation where you’re being challenged and even insulted? Turn to your people skill superpowers to start winning. When you are poised and empowered, it’s possible to rewrite how that story ends.
Here are five ways to begin:
Sometimes, saving your reputation means remembering who you are, no matter what gets thrown your way. Brush off slights by developing a thick skin. That’s how you stay your best self instead of becoming someone you can’t even recognize. (And a playlist with throwback favorites like “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child or “Fighter” by Christina Aguilera on repeat doesn’t hurt either.)
At the beginning of this series, we discussed having the poise and ability to handle anyone life sends your way. Here’s what we’ve learned:
Auditing relationships is as simple as elevating what’s working and letting go of what is played out. People skills give you the practical path to accomplish that fine-tuning. So, keep your relationships humming by acting like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss. Remember that good humaning is back in style.