A colleague likes to share some words of wisdom with new team members: Make friends before you need them.
In the past, there was an idea that forming alliances was organic. But here’s what high-performing, in-demand people get: Solid networks don’t occur by accident. Instead, a network filled with go-to, make-it-happen-when-the-odds-are-against-you people occurs with day in, day out spade work.
Sending random LinkedIn invitations, liking someone’s social media post, or joining occasional meetings is only the start. Think of authentic relationships like an email account—you’ve got to log in occasionally to keep your credentials. You make friends before you need them by engaging on a regular basis—that’s how people are confident that messages, texts, and chats align with your IRL personality.
If you’re job hunting, Recruiters, Hiring Managers, and potential colleagues take it for granted that you’re walking in the door with an excellent Contacts list. But the unarticulated X factor is that everyone desires team members who know how to build trust—and that includes returning the favor by being the go-to person in someone else’s network. Suddenly, it’s clear why real connections and the social skills necessary to maintain them are both rare and vital.
Jenny Fernandez is someone who learned that results alone weren’t enough. On the one hand, she did stellar work and was busy and well-liked. But on the other hand, that work wasn’t getting the right visibility. That meant she didn’t receive the bumps she desired or deserved.
So, Jenny changed tactics. She switched from hoping her work would speak for itself to getting to know people on a deeper level. After significant milestones, she would pose a provocative question: “What are three words that you think describe me?”
Fernandez—now a leadership and start-up coach—reflected, “If you get those three words from three to five people, you’ll have a lot of data that is going to give you concrete information about what they think about you.”
In the May series, 4 Competencies to Ace Interviews, we’re talking about how you can showcase your people skills to find a new role or land a cool cross-group project. Like the case study, have you been relying on results alone? Have you had doubts about publicizing your accomplishments because it seems shallow, transactional, or tone deaf? Or does it seem like your career is stalling because you’re not in the room with next-level people? Then rethink your strategy using a foundation of people skills.
One of the great things about Jenny Fernandez’ advice is that it works on multiple levels. First, you’re getting to know people in a casual, personable way. Second, proactively seeking feedback from trusted colleagues helps identify superpowers others see and value. And third, that same feedback highlights potential weak spots. Landing a better role, getting promoted, or being selected for a prestigious v-team hinges on the wisdom and initiative to manage those weak spots.
So, start engaging co-workers 1:1 using people skills like clarity, honesty, and integrity. Staying true to those qualities will keep you out of the cringey, humble-brag lane. And here’s the silver lining: Your profile and street cred increase as others tell a positive reputational story for you.
Now, let’s make it real so you’re prepared for that Big Conversation. Here are five practical suggestions to describe your competency of making friends before you need them:
Tough clients and fast-turn projects happen on every job. However, a network of the right Contacts can turn a difficult moment from a roadblock into a win. So, see every meeting, call, and cafeteria run-in as an opportunity to make friends before you need them.