I’ve noticed a silver lining to the COVID crisis at work: Our sensitivity is increasing, where we’re more understanding about the little things. We’re giving the parent juggling toddlers plenty of grace to return the email answer we need. We’re less likely to schedule back-to-back meetings five days a week, recognizing that people either have family obligations to tend to or that they’re just plain worn out by Friday afternoon. And we’re scheduling time to check in with our favorite people now that hallway conversations and kitchen run-ins are on hold.
In the July series, Communication, The Mr. Rogers Way, we’ve talked about how to use Fred Rogers’ friendly, common-sense style to be better communicators. When you think of Mr. Rogers, what’s one of the first qualities that leap to mind? The soft skill of empathy—an essential during the last few months. In one show, Mr. Rogers soaked his feet in a cool wading pool with Officer Clemmons, a black police officer. Their connection seemed radical at a time when segregated facilities were often the norm in the South. As they hung out, he sang, “There are many ways to say, ‘I love you’ / There are many ways to say ‘I care about you’…”
You may not be ready to break out the wading pool like Mr. Rogers at the office, but there are ways to anchor the lessons you’re learning about compassion. Let me tell you how my friend Leo changed from an emotional Lone Ranger to accepting kindness.
Leo is the personification of the smart, hard-charging professional. He can deep dive in one meeting after another, kick out email, and still crack jokes in the hall. That’s why I knew something was wrong when he wasn’t his upbeat self. It turned out someone had lashed out at him in a big room meeting for a problem that wasn’t his responsibility to solve. He became the target for someone else’s troubles.
But the next day, Leo’s mood rebounded, thanks to his husband. He told me, “I was all wrapped up in the details, and then my husband stopped me mid-sentence. He said, ‘Forget about that guy for a minute. What do you need?’ To tell you the truth, I hadn’t even thought of it that way. It didn’t change what happened, but suddenly, I felt at ease.” His husband’s expression of care was just what the usually self-sufficient Leo needed to hear.
At one time or another, we’re all faced with situations where we want to tell someone we care about their wellbeing. But have you found it tough to do, unsure if you’re going overboard or embarrassing them or yourself, especially in work settings? Here are five ways you can show concern:
* You don’t seem like yourself. Is there something I can do for you?
* Is there something you’d like to talk through? We can take it slow.
* There’s a lot happening right now—could you use some help?
* I care about you care about.
* Is something on your mind? I’m willing to listen!
You can also support yourself with three simple affirmations:
In this month’s series, we’ve learned how Fred Rogers’ style, in combination with soft skills, can help build a bridge between what might divide us. Here’s a recap, and if you hang out on Pinterest, be sure to pin each of the 5 Ways from my board, “Soul Boss Soft Skills Toolkit”:
* In “5 Ways to Say, “I’m Willing to Learn and Grow,” we learned that changing your mind and maintaining your dignity can co-exist.
* In “5 Ways to Say, “I Support You,” we learned how to empower yourself with clear, honest, and tactful responses;
* In “5 Ways to Say, “Let’s Pause,” we learned how slowing down can help manage what seems unmanageable; and
* In 5 Ways to Say, “I Care”, we learned that expressing compassion is just as important as having a perfect solution.
The next time you’re stumped for the right thing to say, remember and copy Fred Rogers’ style: Use precise language. Be honest. Think through your approach because it matters just as much as the words you use. And most of all, be yourself. Now go have a wonderful day in the neighborhood!