Mr. Rogers once said, “Deep down, we know that what matters in this life is much more than winning for ourselves. What really matters is helping others win, too, even if it means slowing down and changing our course now and then.”
Of course, we want to help our friends and family be their best. But conversations can feel too hot to handle when the other person is defensive or venting! So, instead of slowing down, have you ever jumped into positivity and encouragement, hoping to dissolve the trouble?
The trick is to meet in the middle and find a way to be honest but diplomatic in the face of fiery emotions, just like Fred Rogers would do. That’s why we’re learning how to be better communicators in the July series, Communication, the Mr. Rogers Way.
Let’s see how a friend supported a power player in the magazine business, Cathie Black.
As the chairman of Hearst Magazines, Cathie Black was no stranger to hard conversations. Shortly after she joined a charity board, she had a brainstorm. She wasted no time proposing her Big Idea during the next meeting.
What happened? Crickets.
A friend also serving on the board quietly took her aside afterward. She gently asked if Cathie had ever held a similar position. The question caught Cathie off guard—she hadn’t served on a board, but after years of running companies, she knew how to make a pitch.
Her friend pressed on with priceless advice: Never make a proposal without an advocate in the room. It turned out that the charity had tried a version of Cathie’s Big Idea a few years before, which failed miserably. If Cathie had asked for feedback ahead of time, she could have strengthened her Big Idea with a few minor changes. Even better, she would have had a longtime board member backing her up.
Cathie Black’s story might make you think about your next pitch meeting. However, let’s change the focus to Cathie’s colleague because, at some point, you’ll also get caught in an awkward moment with an upset friend!
When we replay their tender discussion, it’s easy to see the common themes with Fred Rogers’ gentle, common-sense approach. For instance:
* She addressed the issue with instant feedback. Likewise, Mr. Rogers faced difficult topics and feelings—such as sadness when someone dies, or the unfairness of racism—head-on.
* Her message was clear, honest, and tactful—ways of using the soft skill of empathy.
* She supported Cathie with “what you could do instead” ideas.
Now, let’s put the concepts into practice. Rather than dismiss the other person’s concerns, here are five ways to provide meaningful, healthy support:
You can also support yourself with three simple affirmations:
When your colleagues, friends, and family want to tell the tale of their no-good day, think of Mr. Rogers and don’t back away from that discussion or rush them through what they’re feeling. Here’s your go-to reply: “Things didn’t go as planned? That’s ok—I support you.”