I was having lunch with a colleague, who waved enthusiastically to a woman passing by. “Do you know my new Business Manager?” she asked.
She jumped in as soon as I said no. “You’re missing out! We worked together on a cross-group project, and when I had an opening, I couldn’t hire her fast enough. She has a knack for talking to the people who matter most and discovering common pain points. I love her creative, thinking on your feet style. And when we’re under the gun and conversations get heated, she’s calm and grounded. She’s such an asset!”
As we talked, it occurred to me how she was talking about emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence (also known as your emotional quotient or EQ) is a key soft skill, but it can seem tricky. It’s the age-old conflict: We want to be surrounded by people with a high EQ, but it’s hard to say what EQ is!
But here’s how to solve that problem: Break down emotional intelligence into a few key descriptors that feel right to you and start living those qualities. That’s how you strengthen your soft skills expertise and build your brand. In May, we’ll talk about practical ways to use EQ in the series Reboot Your Brand with Emotional Intelligence.
For instance, take a second look at the narrative about the Business Manager. Can you pick out EQ phrases? How about:
* Finding common pain points with the right people (combining critical thinking with deep listening)
* Creatively thinking on her feet (agility)
* Calm and grounded when conversations get heated (wisdom under pressure)
As you can see, opportunities to use emotional intelligence are everywhere. The trick is to spot them and make them so synonymous with your behavior that they become your brand.
Let me tell you about a situation where EQ was missing.
I was excited to hear how Rebecca was settling in managing her new team. Sixty days in, I thought she would be off to a fast start.
“They’re a great group, but quarter close was rough,” she sighed. “Some sales numbers needed escalation, and the executive meeting quickly went sideways.”
“But you’re so great with data,” I said.
“Oh, we had the right information, but the tone was off,” Rebecca complained. “The Finance Manager has a blunt ‘just the facts’ kind of style, which was a complete mismatch with the COO, who wanted the backstory.”
She shook her head. “I wish I had done some digging about the personalities beforehand. The Finance Manager is a bright guy with a good career ahead of him, but for now, it’s damage done.”
Have you ever known someone like the Finance Manager, who thinks boldness and bossing up means dominating the room with data or opinions? I’ve known people like that and made the mistake of being that person! But knowing how to drop the mic doesn’t make you the voice everyone wants to hear. If it were that easy, everyone would do it!
No one tells you about the hidden tax to that mic drop, like the after-meeting whispers where you’re tagged as insensitive or inelegant. Dr. Vivian Zayas explained why EQ is critical by saying, “Individuals make impressions and judgments about people very quickly, very easily, and with very minimal information. And once those judgments are made, they tend to be hard to undo. They’re quite sticky.”
You can address those concerns by putting the soft skill of EQ into play. Here are three ways to start:
Sharpen your emotional intelligence from a one-size-fits-all style to a palette with many colors. Think through your approach, timing, and street cred, and become the voice people want to hear.