Do you want to hear some shocking news about your work life? You’ve probably been misled. That’s because you have the impression that the only way to boss up is to act like people you’ve seen on reality shows or scripted television. When you hear the phrase “boss up,” the next words that come to mind might be “demanding,” “snappy,” “manipulative,” or “intimidating.”
The surprise is that hardly anyone sets out to become The Brilliant Jerk. The plain truth is that they’re stuck. Stuck in subconscious emotions, frustrations, and pride. Or stuck after watching the bad habits of others and thinking the quickest way to the top is to cut corners and take integrity shortcuts. It’s no wonder why you may have talked yourself out of their version of bossing up.
A new you in the new year needs new rules (because simply ignoring old ways of working isn’t much of a solution). So, in the January series, Straight Talk about Soft Skills, we’ll confront three common misconceptions about soft skills, also known as work skills or people skills. You’ll discover how to overcome these myths and create a sustainable, scalable way of working that benefits you from day one to day 365.
First, let’s talk through the illusion that bossing up requires intimidation and aggression. Let me tell you how developing people skills helped me rewrite my story with work.
I remember the day my new manager asked for a heart-to-heart after six months of working together.
The conversation started on a high note. He said, “Michelle, the great thing about you is that you get things done. If you have ten tasks, I can always count on you to follow through and complete them by 5 pm on Friday. Getting things done is an awesome competency—and not everyone has it. So, good for you.”
But then he shifted in his chair and looked away. “On the other hand, the downside is that if you have ten tasks to do before the weekend, you won’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of getting them done.”
My disappointment was visible as I tried to keep it together. He concluded, “Here’s what I want you to think about: You don’t want other people to feel run over in your quest to finish your To-do list.”
Suddenly, the challenge was clear: Find a way to keep my award-winning GSD trait but lighten the How.
At that point in my career as a Legal Specialist, I thought I was ticking every soft skill checkbox: I was a productive, problem-solving, communicating, negotiating machine. Mission accomplished!
However, the “machine” part was the Achilles heel pointed out by my manager. Once I set my mind on a goal, I put blinders on, blocking out everything that got in the way of reaching the finish line. My straight-line thinking of “see it + get after it = finish it” meant I acted like the line from Hamilton: “All brains but no polish.”
Did I get a lot done? Absolutely—A for effort. But I needed to develop people skills to get a passing grade for my How.
So, here’s the straight talk: Bossing up isn’t built on demands and ultimatums. Instead, make your work life work by counterbalancing your hard skills (like design, accounting, or coding) with people skills.
Is your inner skeptic asking WIIFM? The upside is quantifiable: Envision showing up every day as trustworthy, courageous, honest, ethical, and generous. You arrive as the best version of yourself—someone who knows how to accomplish goals and finish projects with more carrot and less stick. And you are the person whose sleek, sophisticated thinking wins the argument as well as the crowd.
Start using soft skills immediately by taking two minutes to brainstorm how to describe your expertise. The sentence starters below will get you going:
Make 2024 the year you swap force and frustration for bossing up with style and soul.
Have you heard about soft skills but think, “I’ll know it when I see it?” And are you pressed for time? No worries—Straight talk about soft skills and how to get things done at work is finally here. Check out my new book, Soft Skills Basics in a Flash.