Change a Feedback Fail to a Soft Skill Guardrail

Have you ever had a feedback fail? That recently happened to a colleague. He wanted to commiserate with his wife, but things didn’t go as planned. After a 20-minute blow-by-blow recap, his wife had a 1-sentence response: “Well, you do act that way.” So, it turned out he had two tough reviews: One at work and one at home!

Let’s face it: Bad feedback is uncomfortable. But there’s value in taking a second look, even if you must step back and squint out of one eye. The maturity to take that second look is part of healthy self-esteem. Jack Canfield put it this way: “Feeling capable is knowing that I can produce a result. It’s knowing I can handle anything that life hands me.”

Let me tell you about a Twitter thread that blew up, and how you can take whatever feedback life hands you and use it as inspiration to shape your self-esteem.

Wild Feedback Goes Viral

Content Design consultant Amy Hupe had a simple idea: Tweet the wildest feedback she had ever received in the style of an introduction. “Hi, I’m Amy. I’m too ambitious” quickly went viral.

Here are some of my favorite replies:

1. Dr. Kate Wright: “Hi, I’m Kate and I need “taking down a peg or two.” (School report, age 11, newly deafened after meningitis, teacher decided not hearing meant I wasn’t listening, so I was arrogant)
2. Milly riffed and tweeted, “Job rejection reasons I’ve been given in the last year: too creative, too experienced, too nice. None of these seem like bad things to me.”
3. And my favorite was Jim Ross: “I’m Jim, and I write English very well, especially for someone from Scotland.”

And what’s my intro, you ask? “Hi, I’m Michelle. I meet deadlines and do the things I say I will do.”

How Soft Skills Can Change a Fail into a Guardrail

Hopefully you’re bubbling over with laughter instead of boiling with anger. When you read one bananas quote after another from incredibly accomplished people, you realize how feedback can be like a margarita: Best enjoyed with a grain or two of salt!

In the July series, From Fail to Guardrail, we’re discussing how you can put soft skills to work to avoid mistakes others have made. We’ve all met the brilliant jerk who dismisses feedback wholesale: Big fail. The alternative is to curate what makes sense, kind of like managing your camera roll.

When you organize hundreds of pictures, you decide what to keep using some insight and wisdom. Notice that I didn’t say keeping only what you like. Back-up photos of your passport or tax documents are as critical as your best angle on the beach during the fun vacation.

Likewise, it’s vital to cultivate the ability to accept all feedback, but then make a smart choice about what stays or goes. That’s what I did with the wild feedback I received. I decided traits like meeting deadlines and following through on what I promised to do were worth keeping. But I also course-corrected steamrolling my way to the finish line of my To Do list.

Develop healthy self-esteem by using soft skill How tactics like compassion, agility, and discernment. Here are three ways to change a feedback fail into a guardrail:

1. Ask yourself The Big Question, “Is this feedback the whole truth or someone else’s truth?” Be kind to yourself about what needs to shift.
2. Swap taking everything at face value for listening for actionable points.
3. Support your ongoing personal development by declaring, “I claim authority over my life. I know what is true for me.”

Over a long career, you’ll have plenty of turning points and feedback—good and bad. You get to define what comments (off-handed or not) mean to you and for you. So, don’t let a defining moment be the only moment. Handle what life throws your way by setting up a personal self-esteem guardrail.