In last week’s preview, we rebooted the definition of an intention. Now we’ll take a deeper dive into the three elements necessary for any successful intention—the What, Why and How.
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There are two schools of thinking on the What—either keep it open-ended so life can surprise you or be incredibly detailed. The answer is to find the sweet spot between these extremes.
I lived through a hard What when I joined a community service project. The project description about beautifying a retirement home seemed clear-cut—”General yard clean-up.” When we got to the site, the project leader enthusiastically directed small groups indifferent directions. “Blue team—go weed! Red team—cut tree branches!”
We thought we were doing a terrific job until we heard tenants shouting, “Hey! What are you doing in my garden?!” and “Wait—don’t cut that branch!” The project came to a screeching halt as we tried to appease surprised and irritated residents.
The project leader had the best of intentions when she envisioned a productive day with busy volunteers and happy people. But she was so busy jumping into her version of the What that she didn’t check in with the residents. She forgot to ask what was important to them, resulting in a huge gap between her vision and their version. In the end, our day was a painful failure for both sides.
Intentions that are too vague can be just like my disastrous service project. Goals like, “I want to be happy,” are so broad that it’s hard to know if you ever get there. However, you can change haze to clarity by describing your ideal outcome. Once you have the basics sketched out, try this expert-level challenge: Boil your What to down to a single sentence.
For instance, if happiness depends on making a million dollars, own that What. Revise your intention from, “I want to be happy,” to, “I want to have at least one million dollars in my 401(k) for retirement—that would make me happy.”
Taking the single sentence approach automatically solves the problem on the opposite side of the spectrum—the idea that you can’t get started until you write a long, meticulous list of What qualities. Seeing your future in technicolor fuels intentions. However, being too detailed puts a stranglehold on how the intention can unfold. Would you turn down a wonderful romantic relationship, gorgeous apartment, or killer job because it only has 85 out of your top 100 attributes? Let’s hope not.
Keep your What to the essentials, then leave a little room for some magic!
The Why is much more than, “Because I want to be happy,” or “I just want this.” Uncovering a heartfelt motivation for pursuing a goal aligns the What with your most personal priorities and values.
For example, you might think you set aside part of your paycheck because one day you’ll have to pay for college. Saving might seem like a necessary task, but when you go beyond the numbers, your purpose is to give your kids the option to attend the colleges of their choice.
Knowing your Why will keep you going when you encounter delays and setbacks. Saving for college can be hard when surprise expenses occur. However, it’s easy to stay on track when you realize you’re not trying to reach an arbitrary financial goal. The real Why behind your financial plan is love.
A word of caution: Your intention will short-circuit if your Why is a version of, “Because <someone else> told me so.” Wanting to please your boss or spouse is understandable, but it doesn’t make a powerful Why. You can resolve that problem by shifting the Why to something that matters to you.
For example, it’s hard to get excited about an arbitrary sales goal assigned by your boss. It’s easier to keep working toward your quota if your Why is, “I sell a quality service, with integrity.”
Likewise, it’s tempting to hit the couch after dinner. But you’ll follow through on your intention to help around the house when your Why is, “Pitching in is one way I build trust with my partner.”
Once you know the What and Why you can settle on the How. A solid How is about pouring energy into activities that make an impact. The secret sauce is choosing a few practical actions to get going, and then seeing where life takes you. Essentially, you’re saying, “Yes, I’m ready to _____.”
Here are a few illustrations:
The How is your red flag factor. Kicking off big goals is always fun. But intentions need much more than designing a vision board and calling it good. They require perseverance, which isn’t nearly as sexy as a launch party!
Rethink your intention if you can’t see yourself performing the How steps along the way. And do more than plan the action steps—envision enjoying every stage instead of trying to rush to the end.
By this point, you may be sold on setting intentions. However, you could also find yourself thinking, I’m already overloaded—who’s got the time? I can’t constantly police my thoughts and words and set up a framework for everything I do!
Those concerns are fair. So, here’s a bold proposal: Don’t worry about it.
Think of intentions as a mindful checkpoint rather than a straitjacket. They are a way to be in an aware, present, nimble state rather than sleepwalking through the day. They act as your North Star whenever you feel pulled in a million different directions or find yourself confronted by someone else’s chaos.
Ultimately, setting intentions is about more than getting—it’s about sustainability. Sustainability beats speed everytime. Rushing to the finish line won’t mean much if your results quickly go up in smoke. The endgame is to go beyond a one-and-done scenario, so your intentions bloom this year, next year, and five years down the road.
As you set out on your personal hero’s journey, ask yourself the million-dollar question—“What skills do I need to be ready for my intentions to come true?”
Next week, we’ll take a look at Skill #1 and how you can use it to get a jump on your 2019 goals.
Download your copy of Light it Up—7 Skills for Setting Intentions that Work at Amazon today.