Decline the Invitation

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The official kick-off to the holiday season is here: Thanksgiving! If you’re feeling anxious about what’s ahead, you’re not alone. Even Prince Harry is skipping Christmas with the Queen this year!

Maybe you’re facing scenarios like this:

• You’re searching for the right words to say to your mother-in-law. You’re just waiting for the moment she looks at your beautiful, specially ordered dessert, rolls her eyes, and cracks how she used to make everything from scratch.
• You’re unsure how to tell your co-worker that flying across the country at the busiest time of the year will stress your nerves and your budget to the breaking point.
• You’re nervous your Uncle will put you on the spot, wondering aloud when you’ll expand your family.

Here’s an idea: Decline the invitations to those awkward moments using everything you’ve learned about wisdom in the November series, Hack Your Day. I’m not suggesting that you skip the big day—just be shrewd and skip another year where you get dragged into draining circular conversations.

Is This Conversation Worth Having?

As a professional negotiator, the soft skill of discernment has helped me understand if a conversation is worth having. Here’s what I mean: Does everyone have value and dignity? Yes! But does every topic need a deep dive? Nope!

For instance, when your mind is spinning thinking, Why I oughta… that tough conversation will take longer because the connection to your internal wisdom has been cut off. By contrast, it’s possible to hack your day by listening politely, then moving on without a long discussion. Adopt an outlook of, “In the past, that comment would have upset me. But I know you’re just doing that thing you do. So, I’m declining the invitation to fight a pointless fight. No, thanks!”

Take the Discernment Challenge

Whenever you feel pushed or pulled by others during the holidays, get back to center using these three ideas:

• Make it fast by taking 30 seconds to take a deep breath and declare, “I reclaim my peace of mind and my personal power.”
• Make it deep by scheduling 30 minutes for your favorite activity. Offset a stressful day by planning for something which either relaxes or energizes you—your pick!
• Make it real by keeping your 30-minute slot sacred. Let others know that you have an important appointment!

Soulful Moments Can Happen Everywhere You Go

Soulful moments can happen everywhere you go when you draw on the qualities of wisdom—combine knowledge and experience with awareness about the situation, then take real-time action based on your insights. Here’s a recap of four ways being wise can help you hack hard days:

1. Foster a New Kind of Creativity: Use insight to see that your frustrating roadblock is a chance to step into a new kind of creativity. Replace what you thought was your best idea with your next idea.
2. Decide to Decide: Say yes to what you can do with authenticity and integrity and no to everything else. Listen to your instincts and give that problem an end date!
3. Disrupt Bad Habits: Handle small details like a boss and have the awareness to disrupt slip-ups before they snowball into a big problem. You do know what to do!
4. Decline the Invitation: Instead of doubling down on snappy behaviors that have never worked in the past, have the acumen to decline the invitation to the fight no one will win.

Bring wisdom from the ethers into reality by finding your personal style icon. Whose cool do you want to emulate—Beyonce and Jay-Z? Ruth Bader Ginsburg? Or Rey in “Star Wars?” Add yourself to that listby acting like a creative, wise CEO—a Soul Boss.