“You can’t control others, but you can control yourself. So, I always tell people to slow themselves down.” That insight came from a television commentator who helps kids deal with bullies. You don’t have to be a middle schooler to use his advice about smart choices. It may seem counter-intuitive, but it doesn’t help to jump in and fight fire with fire. When emotions are running high, the wise decision is to step back and take charge of yourself.
Think of a simple situation—the last time you attended a staff meeting where the team lead had a chip on their shoulder. In no time, the whole room was probably edgy! However, you can avoid that fight by simply following the commentator’s advice: Skip the fruitless task of trying to make everyone and everything around you fall into line. Instead, slow down and consciously manage how you’re feeling.
Let me tell you about a man who turned a health crisis into an a-ha moment. He’s come to an important conclusion: His days will no longer be ruled by his mood.
Jonathan Frostick was having a normal Sunday, which meant time spent plowing through his in-box, prepping for the week. His chest tightened, and he had surges in his left arm and neck. He started to panic—not because he needed to call paramedics, but because he had a meeting with his manager the next day!
You guessed it—he was having a heart attack. Sitting alone in his hospital room in the aftermath, Jonathan upended his choices. Then he decided to walk his talk by punching out a quick post on LinkedIn.
Here’s his short list:
Jonathan is still deciding what’s next, but one thing is certain: The stressful, pushy feelings that made him run as fast as he can in every direction are a thing of the past. He’s determined to lead what he’s dubbed as “Life 2.0.”
You might think, I don’t have similar problems—I’m not in a health crisis or having panic attacks. That may be true now, however, inevitably you will have a moment when emotions take over. Let’s think through choices that can backfire when you’re accidentally ruled by your mood:
* When confusion kicks in, everything seems to have equal importance. You run yourself ragged rather than making key choices;
* When you’re angry, your words or delivery have a surprising harsh edge. You could end up doing relationship damage that you can’t walk back;
* When self-doubt takes over, every day you delay makes a relatively small decision bigger and more intense;
* When you feel resentful, you might nurse a chip on your shoulder from a situation that was over years ago; or
* When you’re overly enthusiastic, you could have a blind spot, seeing only what you want to see in a person or situation.
Make a conscious choice to take charge of your feelings while they’re easy to manage. Here are three ways to practice:
In the April series, Four Steps to Making Wise Decisions, we’ve talked about practical ways to use the soft skill of discernment. Start using all four qualities on the molehills in your life, and you’ll be ready when the mountain appears! Here’s a recap of each quality and how to use it:
Being discerning isn’t limited to knowing all the facts and figures—it also requires having the courage and self-confidence to act on your personal truth. So, take inspired action like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and take charge of your decisions.