From Overwhelmed to Empowered: Use People Skills to Manage Trauma Dumping

Recently I saw a video about office disagreements, and the narrator recommended having side meetings with each participant. I thought, Good grief—roaming from person to person, replaying the incident? That’s not going to do your reputation any favors!

Have you known someone who loves to share, share again, and overshare? Yes—you’re in the company of a Trauma Dumper. That’s the nickname making the rounds for people who communicate too much at the wrong time and with the wrong people.

It’s easy to goof on Trauma Dumpers, but the truth is that navigating emotional intelligence can be tricky. In the past, people hid their feelings because they didn’t want to seem weak. However, that approach is about as reliable as a jack-in-the-box toy in the hands of a toddler. With one too many cranks, big emotions explode.

Then, expressing vulnerability came into vogue, but this idea can also go south. “Let’s talk” can be the last thing you want to hear from the Lead who loves captive audiences or a new co-worker wanting to fill you in on last night’s fight with their partner.

People skills—like well-timed choices and pulling wisdom from your lived experience—can arm you with the right tactics to manage emotions. Without these competencies, you’re bounced around by everyone’s mood.

In the July series, Toggle Off/Toggle On with People Skills, we’re discussing how people skills can help address everyday pressures. So, toggle on to having authenticity and integrity, where you know what to say and when to say it. But flooding others with awkward details or becoming someone’s dumping ground? Toggle off.

Raise Emotional Intelligence to an Art Form

The TikTok from briellebelly123 is a classic example of accidental trauma dumping. If you didn’t see it, Brielle had aspired to work in New York City. What she hadn’t aspired to do was commute an hour or more each day after sitting at a desk from 9 to 5.

The more she realized work/life balance was a stretch, the more upset she became. And that’s when the tears started.

It didn’t take long for the video to go viral. Many people could relate to feeling overwhelmed, but the prevailing sentiment was that Brielle was either entitled, unrealistic, or a snowflake.

Within two months, her startup laid her off, claiming that they didn’t have the bandwidth to train her or expand her job portfolio.

3 Ways to Handle TMI

Let’s rethink the case study for a moment. Imagine Brielle as your kid sister, favorite cousin, or goddaughter. If she called close to tears, the last thing you would tell her is to post on social media. Because even if she deleted the upload later, you never know who might see it—that includes co-workers or her manager. Damage done, forever.

However, you can skip this mistake by checking in with your instincts before you unload. Your gut will let you know if you’re with the right person for that message. Here are three ways to practice:

1. Toggle on to finding your people: If you’re unsure whether someone is safe company who will tell you the truth, ask yourself a simple question: “Is this person for me?” Keep it moving if the answer is no.
2. Toggle off hanging with trauma dumpers: Compassionate, empathetic listening is admirable. But you shouldn’t have to clock extra hours because someone wants you to ride shotgun on every up and down of their day. Reclaim time with go-to responses like, “Let’s catch up later because I’m on deadline with this project.”
3. Toggle on to helpful resources: If a few rough days have become a pattern, consider referring your co-worker elsewhere. Encouraging someone to seek help from a qualified counselor isn’t being unkind or disrespectful. Instead, it’s being aware of your limits and expertise.

Every feeling has its place—just not in every conversation! So, keep your pristine reputation intact by letting the Trauma Dumping Struggle Bus pass you by. Toggle off oversharing and toggle on to heartfelt connections.