Adam Grant posted a poignant tweet, “During the loneliest week of my life, I made a list of the people who mattered most to me. Then I wrote them each a note about what I appreciated most about them. Voicing the unspoken can remind us we’re not alone—and strengthen our connections.”
Adam’s tweet is a good reminder that our old bag of tricks—chasing money and external validation while we push and shove our way through the world—won’t work for the new normal. What will work is changing your focus from booking the next killer vacation or plowing through your in-box to forging heartfelt partnerships.
Let’s talk about Technique #3, “Fix the Foundation,” from my free bestseller, Genuine Power—7 Techniques to Be Powerful in a Loud, Complicated World. You’ll meet Asra, who’s taking a hard look at her long habit of playing the superhero.
“I wanted to tell my manager, ‘You’re welcome!’ and then slam the door in his face!” Asra said.
Tim instantly regretted asking his wife about her day.
“Jerry knew his accounting business was failing when he hired me. I uncovered all the shortcuts his family had been making. Then, I not only got them in shape, but I made sure everyone got through tax season in one piece,” she said, pacing. “Today he tells me that no one likes working with me. What was I supposed to do? Let them turn in bad tax returns or go into bankruptcy? He’s got me coming and going!”
Tim quietly made dinner as Asra ranted. “Sweetheart, you have so much to offer. You’re smart and talented,” Tim reassured her as they sat down. “No wonder Jerry hired you to tackle the issues he couldn’t. That’s one of the things I love most about you—your courage. You’re never afraid to be honest about what’s happening. Have you considered that’s part of the problem?”
“I followed you until the last part,” Asra said, finally lowering her voice. “How can being honest be a problem?”
“Not your honesty, your courage. You’re never afraid to take on challenges anyone else would give up on,” Tim replied. “But do you realize this is the third job in a row you’ve had where you’re doing everything?”
“That’s what bugs me,” Asra said, fighting back. “Why does this keep happening? I’m the champion here, not the villain!” She did a double-take. “Wait. Are you saying you don’t want me to be successful?”
“Of course not,” Tim said, reaching for her hand. “I’m just saying that you need to find a place where there are lots of people just like you. A team where you’re not the only one stepping up.”
“Remember our conversation the night before you took this job? Jerry made excuses about how he couldn’t say anything because he worked with family. He set you up to be the bad guy. Face it—this company was a fixer-upper from the start.”
To the outside world, it seemed like Asra was on her way up with better titles and more pay. So, it was easy to overlook the trap of chasing larger-than-life stunts to feel powerful. The pressure to climb the ladder was so intense that she lashed out when others wouldn’t follow the imaginary script in her mind.
In the May series, Power Up!, we’re talking about ways to reignite your personal power, and one way is to redefine your version of success—that’s the opportunity Asra has. When you think back a few months, were you caught in a similar dog-eat-dog cycle? Now you have a chance to act like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—and start balancing internal qualities like integrity and authenticity with external achievements. Think of it like this: Ticking every item off your agenda during a Zoom call may feel incredible, but it doesn’t mean much if you’ve also ticked off everyone in the room!
Let’s be clear: Competency and results are requirements for success. But you’re on a shaky foundation if your self-worth is only based on having flashy luxuries or doing crazy hard stuff. The antidote is to use the soft skill of discernment and apply your insights about what matters most.
Here are three ways you can fix the foundation:
The “What”—whatever we accomplish, whatever our title, whatever we own—is always temporary. But your personal power is always present—it doesn’t come and go with your achievements. Build the depth of your character and you’ll build true success.
To download your free copy of Genuine Power, visit your favorite bookseller. Ditch the tired, obsolete version of destructive power and live a Soul Boss life, where you stay the boss of you. Go from tripped up to powered up!