Get Out of the Soup

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Has your social media feed been filled with videos of bad behavior? Me, too! Every time I see a crazy clip, I think, Man is that person in the soup! meaning they’re lost in a jumble of out of control feelings.

Blanche Deveraux on “The Golden Girls” once described the soup of feelings as the color of magenta, saying:

“You’re not quite blue because you’re not really sad

Although you’re jealous, you wouldn’t say you were green with envy

And every now and then you realize you’re kind of scared, but you’d hardly call yourself yellow.”

Harness and Redirect Emotions Before You Wind Up in the Soup!

Right now, you might feel like you’ve been in the soup, and that’s understandable—we’re in a major shift in history that is equal parts scary, exciting, and ambiguous. But the pandemic, protests, or world events aren’t a one and done, like taking a snow day where you pick up your regular routine the next day. Life is filled with uncertain situations—so, it’s worth learning how to manage your emotions before you wind up in the soup! That’s one way to take charge of your life for a new normal, the topic of the June series, No More Snow Days.

Everyone’s emotions run hot or cold depending on the issue, and you have a right to your feelings. But the trouble starts when feelings abruptly boil over, which is especially common when you’re under stress. For instance, think of the people who have suddenly become internet sensations when a clip went viral. I suspect they each wish they could get back the thirty seconds before they accidentally lost their temper. Imagine if they used that time to harness and redirect their emotions before instant karma and real-time consequences kicked in.

Here are suggestions for how you can harness and redirect common emotions:

1. When you’re feeling angry, something is out of order. Turn frustration into constructive, positive actions.
2. When you’re feeling fearful, your gut is telling you to slow down. Think twice before you make a mistake you’ll regret.
3. When you’re feeling sad, your sensitivity has kicked in. Look around—you might be able to connect with another kind soul.
4. When you’re feeling resentful, you may have waited too long to say something. That’s ok—next time, you’ll act on your internal wisdom earlier.
5. When you’re feeling apathetic, you might simply be overwhelmed. Find one cause to care about and fight the good fight.

Three Ways to Get Out of the Soup

Taking charge of your feelings before you lash out or break down isn’t about willpower—it’s about using the soft skills of discernment and imagination. Think of the last time you were in an intense discussion—feelings were probably just one factor in a much bigger picture. In a work situation, a great boss would encourage you to de-escalate, make smart choices about the true issues at hand, and then come up with a creative response. You can manage yourself in a similar way.

Here are three ways you can get out of the soup:

1. Make it fast by declaring, “When I feel emotions building, I cool down and take charge of myself. I take a deep breath, take a break, or take a walk.”
2. Make it deep by taking 30 minutes to consider when emotions have taken over and pulled you into the soup. The next time you start escalating, how can you redirect emotions into constructive action?
3. Make it real by redirecting one challenging situation this week.

As Warren Buffet famously said, “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.” Get hold of your feelings before they take hold of you.