“Things are really hard right now.” That sentence may sound gloomy, but it makes me smile because I remember how I traded that phrase with one of my favorite managers. Sure, we were complaining a little bit. But when contracts piled up, and tempers ran short, it was also our way of saying, “I’m exhausted and I know you are too, but we’re in this together.”
In the February series, Four Partnership Builders, we’re talking about ways you can strengthen your partnerships. Having a strong partnership doesn’t mean you avoid every bump in the road. It means you’re brave enough to face vulnerabilities together. That’s the lesson singer/songwriter Rosanne Cash learned with her father, Johnny Cash.
Rosanne’s parents divorced when she was twelve, but Johnny Cash had left the house long before he finally quit the marriage. In the years that followed, Rosanne knew her father loved her. But somehow, he was always on his way to somewhere else.
Even connecting with him during brief visits was challenging. She remembers, “He was like many men of his generation, in that he didn’t talk about his feelings very much. Even though he was a great artist, in private moments, he didn’t open up about his feelings. He was a tough guy with a huge soul.”
As the two talked in his dressing room before his last Carnegie Hall performance in 1994, Johnny spontaneously asked Rosanne to join him onstage for his hit song, “I Still Miss Someone.” Initially, Rosanne was indifferent, and she declined. As Johnny turned to leave, Rosanne saw his back, like she had seen so often before. “Dad! I’ll do it,” she cried.
Years of tension and misunderstandings dissolved. When she recalls that night, Rosanne says wistfully, “It all got fixed. Just then, I got something from my dad that I’d been trying to get since I was about six years old.”
A lesson you can take away from the Cash family is that letting down your guard isn’t a weakness. Revealing your true self when tensions are running high is often the smartest decision you can make.
For instance, are you willing to open the lines of communication with a goodwill check-in text to the friend you miss? Is it time for a family meeting over pizza so you can reset the bickering habit that has become the norm with your kids? Or, do you need to say to your beloved, “This situation is hard, but I’m right beside you”?
Any long-term relationship will hit rough spots, and it’s human nature to push past uncomfortable moments as fast as you can. But the soft skill of empathy will make all the difference. Try these three ways:
Don’t let ancient history or a small misunderstanding be the boss of you. Instead of carrying the tension and anger that goes along with disagreements, give and receive grace freely.