A friend used to work with an attorney who was high on smarts but low on organization. He had the courage of his convictions but sometimes could be a little loose with the facts. She joked, “He was frequently wrong, but never in doubt!”
Have you ever known someone that was frequently wrong, but never in doubt? They might have felt like they would either be weak or perceived as weak if they didn’t have the perfect response. So, they developed a habit of drumming up instant answers for any problem in their path and called it courage.
But here’s a surprising truth: Sometimes, being willing to keep an open mind is the most courageous action you can take. That’s one thing I’ve learned from 2020: Have a perspective, but be willing to pivot and change your mind in crazy times!
Let me tell you how a colleague discovered that the soft skill of discernment is an essential component of courage.
I liked Luke from the first time we met on a cross-company project. He was a Doer with a capital D—whipsmart intelligent, strategic, and personable. He could pinpoint the smallest problem and instantly figure out an elegant solution. So, I was surprised when he said it had taken him years to understand that his answer wasn’t always the right one.
His intentions were always sound—he wanted to be a bold, heroic manager. Yet there were moments his self-assuredness backfired. The way out would seem so obvious that he would jump in and talk over someone while they were thinking out loud. Or, he would try to help his staff after a 1:1 by calling another executive. That quick call caused trouble on two fronts: His report felt like he undermined their authority, and they feared highlighting problems, worried he would suddenly intercede.
Luke said, “It took a fair amount of trial and error before I understood that my staff didn’t see me as helpful—they saw me as a steamroller, clenching to my way of doing things. I felt terrible! I had to do what was unthinkable in my mind: Step back, even when I felt like I had the perfect answer.”
A funny thing happened when Luke detached—his world got bigger, not smaller. His schedule eased up because he didn’t own every project from start to finish. And his team began seeking out his insights, knowing he wouldn’t undercut their efforts.
There’s a great line in “Wake Me Up” by Aloe Blacc that goes, “I tried carrying the weight of the world / But I only had two hands.” Like Luke, have you misconstrued courage as carrying the weight of the world, even though you only have two hands? It’s time to dismantle that belief.
In the November series, Make Courage Personal, we’re talking about how you can combine the lessons you’ve learned this year with soft skills to create a new definition of courage that is lasting and made just for you. Luke learned that never being in doubt didn’t make him a good manager. Instead, he was courageous when he made a smart choice in the moment about what was needed most. The best solution wasn’t a single thing—it was a mix of smart ideas, listening, and being supportive.
Are you brave enough to widen your perspective? Get a jumpstart by sketching out answers to the sentence “I courageously change my perspective from ____”. For instance:
* I courageously change my perspective from knowing to learning.
* I courageously change my perspective from talking to listening.
* I courageously change my perspective from fixing to lending support.
Skip pushing the perfect answer and focus simply on making the right choice—it will make you someone’s hero!