In an office reshuffle, I wound up sitting next to a colleague who gave me a masterclass in Zen. I’m a “fired up, ready to go” person, but her conduct showed me that every conversation isn’t worth that level of heat.
The fascinating part is that her clients weren’t the best of the best—they were real characters. They reminded me of the lyrics from “How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?” in The Sound of Music: A flibbertigibbet, a willow the wisp, a clown. They kept running game, however, she never let them gas her up.
In the February series, Relationship Threshold Questions, we’re discussing how to use soft skills to reshape and improve relationships. So far, we’ve talked about aligning connections with values and creating a trustworthy circle. I learned the third relationship threshold question from my colleague: “How do I manage stunts?”
Like my co-worker, you may be dealing with plenty of Stunt Queens or Kings at the office. But they also show up after hours, such as:
* The smug Homeowner’s Association President. Their favorite pastime is painting you as an idiot;
* The person at church who’s managed the Summer Program for years who shuts down any new ideas; or
* Your nice/nasty sister-in-law, who makes subtle put-downs to your face and uses the family group text to say even worse things behind your back.
Your first inclination might be to shut down. But if you walk away every time someone behaves badly, you’ll spend a lot of time alone.
Clapping back might be your next move. Slinging mud may feel good, but it’s worth remembering that everyone gets dirty mud wrestling.
That’s why the third option of honing go-to ways to handle stunts is the sweet spot. You can’t stop other people from throwing tantrums, but like my co-worker, you can keep your dignity and reputation intact.
The bottom line is that even life-changing opportunities can have knuckleheads riding shotgun. So, don’t let them ruin a good thing. And on that note, let’s talk Pam Bondi.
You don’t have to be interested in politics to learn a little something from Pam Bondi’s Congressional testimony. Jimmy Kimmel’s X mash-up is a greatest hits of toxicity. There’s gaslighting, condescension, ignoring, dodging questions, rudeness, and stubbornness. Bondi’s “burn book,” skewered in a hilarious SNL skit, also made an appearance.
However, the other side of the aisle didn’t fare much better. There was plenty of interrupting, ridiculous demands, microaggressions, yelling, and rage-baiting questions.
In the end, nothing was solved, and everyone wound up looking bad.
You’ve probably noticed how Stunt Queens and Kings love to get other people in their feelings. Then they can claim, “See what I’m dealing with?”
What I’ve learned as a professional negotiator is that the moment people start talking in circles isn’t the time for a deep dive. Instead, spot the behavior and then use marketable skills like emotional intelligence, real-time problem solving, and elite communication to handle it like a boss. When you sidestep emotional traps, you cement your standing as someone who understands people—even unreasonable ones!
So, here are some ways you might respond to Stunt Queen or King accusations to change the game in your favor:
* Overreacting: I’m not overreacting; I’m concerned. What’s Plan B if the situation doesn’t work out as you hope?
* Distracting: Let’s solve this subject before changing the topic.
* Cruelty: That comment sounded unkind. I’m willing to keep the conversation respectful—do you agree?
You can also customize this AI prompt, so you have responses that reflect your voice and style: “Act as a career coach. I am dealing with a gaslighting bully. Give me five decisive, professional responses so they will think twice about being rude to me.”
Tough situations will pop up in life, but you can still leave with a win. Take charge of relationships by using your best people skills to show up as credible, grown, and wise.