A Project Manager I know has a smart go-to phrase when meetings start to get a little tense: Conflict delays the process.
When she drops that hint, she’s reminding everyone that although passion is important, it can be a trap. A sure-fire way to delay progress is to take the small step—not a big leap—from passionate to stubborn. Go down the rabbit hole insisting that your viewpoint is the only way to go. And the louder, the better!
But here’s the trouble with spitting out whatever is top of mind: Fueling conflicts may accidentally damage essential relationships and your professional standing.
Let me tell you how I watched a developer put the warning about conflict delaying the process to work. She cooled down an intense, irritating situation before power struggles made the conversation boil over.
I once worked for an attorney who was a pro at relationship management. But even with strong alliances, there was no easy way to spin the difficult breaking news about a new regulation: The engineers would have to update the product and do it quickly.
As he passed along the advice, the Team Lead heaved a long sigh and rolled her eyes. The next person jumped in and began to argue. I held my breath, waiting for the last developer to chime in. After all, she would have to implement the change.
She sat quietly, taking in the information. We expected the worst, but she shrugged her shoulders and said, “So much for leaving early this Friday! But it’s just work. I’ll put the fix in the queue.”
In the November series, So Long to Self-Sabotage, we’re talking about weeding out behaviors that might get in our way. Have you ever had a meeting like we did with the developers, where a nasty surprise suddenly throws off your To-Do list? A bad day is one thing, but news that will derail your whole week could make you feel justified in saying the first thing that comes to mind!
However, that exchange taught me an important lesson: Own your approach to situations rather than accidentally letting a situation own you. Allowing your emotions to get the best of you, where you become condescending or belligerent, can quickly backfire. It’s possible you’ll give others a story to tell, and not a good one. And no one wants to be That Guy!
Instead, you can avoid self-sabotaging mistakes by using a combination of soft skills to own your approach. Be like the third developer who made a smart choice to be adaptable and creative, and responded in a focused, coherent way. The next time you feel like you’re getting into a heated conflict, which will only delay the process, cool down your racing mind with thoughts like:
* This isn’t what I wanted to hear, but I have the poise to handle it.
* This request is one more thing to do, but I keep it in perspective.
* I’m going to keep it moving—I’m a pro.
Here are three ways to say so long to avoidable conflicts:
Adverse circumstances will to happen, but you can cultivate the ability to take surprises in stride. Say so long to avoidable conflicts by owning your approach.