I was once part of a music group, and one of the most outgoing members plopped down next to me one night and said, “So—tell me about yourself.” With just minutes to go before rehearsal started, I got flustered. I don’t know what came out of my mouth, but it certainly wasn’t memorable!
Like me, have you ever found yourself in a similar awkward situation at a party or room full of people, where someone tries to push a deep, meaningful conversation out of the blue? And did you struggle to create the perfect balance of friendliness without bearing your life history to a stranger?
Here’s the thing: Face-to-face conversations are a fact of life. They’re even a must-have to get ahead at work. So, while sticking to texting may seem appealing, it’s not practical.
The alternative to avoiding people is to think of these chats as your highlight reel. Like Shannon Sharpe on Club ShayShay, bob and weave around questions that seem too personal, invasive, or risky to discuss. Instead, keep it light and spotlight your best, friendly self.
Let’s meet someone who discovered how little conversations can become big things.
Carol F. wrote about her charming kindergartener, a natural storyteller. She remembered, “I got a full run-down on lunch, snack-times, playtimes, activities, lessons, assemblies, bad/good/funny behavior, toilet trips, teachers, and his friends and classmates all peppered together with lots of questions about the meaning of life, trains, dinosaurs, and what he would eat for dinner.”
Like every parent, she started yearning for a little quiet time. She even joked with another mom about looking forward to the semi-silent teen years.
The woman gave Carol an understanding nod. However, as a mom of high schoolers, she suggested that Carol tune back in. Listening to the small stuff wasn’t simply being polite. Those downloads on the walk home were the safe space where her son could share what was on his mind.
Carol’s takeaway was, “Feeling heard is powerful—even to a young kid wittering about fluff. It makes them feel valued, emotionally connected, and secure.”
In the February series, Relationship Audit, we’re looking at ways you can use people skills in personal relationships. Little kids aren’t the only ones who need to recap their day—everyone does. The interesting thing is that you can take negative experiences—like nerve-wracking questions from my rehearsal buddy—and transform those experiences into something good. Boss up by using next-level communication skills to keep situations relaxed and cordial.
And remember to apply other soft skills, such as emotional intelligence and wise judgment. Check in with your instincts as others speak because words are only part of the story. Your gut will tell you whether to ask follow-up questions or let a tense moment slip away. What you may discover is that what connects us—the big wins as well as what makes us feel vulnerable—starts coming to light, and you’ll get that rich discussion you’re craving after all.
So, exchange the big question of “How was your day?” with one of these targeted icebreakers. And by the way, these ideas do double duty since you can use them at work to ease into conversations with new colleagues and clients:
Lucy Walsh summed up the need for connection in her book, Remember Me as Human. She wrote, “A Google search can tell us what people have achieved, but it can’t tell us who they are. For that, we have to talk. We have to share our stories—all the vivid, messy, living details.” Instead of trying to force a moment, create a micro-connection with a daily debrief.