I know a guy who has the knack with venture capitalists. So far, he’s had two start-ups funded, which he successfully sold. When he told me about his latest sale, I thought he might be sad about saying goodbye to one of his big ideas. But he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I saw an opportunity. I capitalized on it. Then I bounced. It’s all good!”
Our conversation got me thinking about the April topic, Four Steps to Making Wise Decisions. Knowing when to pull back or pull out altogether is a critical part of discernment. It’s easily done when the facts are obvious and negative, but most of the time, knowing when to bounce is much more ambiguous. Pride gets in the way, you second guess the time and energy you’ve invested, or you worry about other people’s opinions.
Let me tell you how a colleague got past all his fears and learned how he could make a trade-off to trade up.
I was thrilled when the promotions mail hit my in-box—Will got a better title, and he was managing a small team, something he had aspired to do. But within two years, there was trouble in paradise. Will’s title was the same, but his team was gone.
I approached the topic indirectly, thinking Will might have tender feelings. However, he was incredibly zen. He said, “My vision about managing was all wrong. I thought of a perfect world where I would help my team solve big problems and grow. But it turned out that managing that particular group was just like parenting my small kids—non-stop he said, she said. By the end of the day, I was exhausted and irritable.”
He shook his head and sighed, “I finally worked up the courage to tell my manager that I was better off as an individual contributor. My best thinking may have taken me into management, but staying miserable didn’t make sense—for me or anyone else.”
Here’s a surprising truth about discernment: Smart choices aren’t about getting your way every time. Sometimes the wise decision is to admit a mistake and set yourself free from what isn’t working. However, the way to bounce isn’t by ghosting—that just creates unfinished business. Instead, you must see the situation clearly, understand your role, then courageously and consciously decide it is no longer for you.
When you make a thoughtful, considerate choice, you’re trading off so you can trade up. Healthy examples of knowing when to bounce include:
* The high-paying job with the crazy manager giving you heartburn every Sunday night: Trade up to work you love.
* The partnership where you beg someone to pay attention to you: Trade up to happy solitude.
* The gorgeous car that’s straining your bank account every month: Trade up to financial freedom that won’t keep you up nights.
* The roommate who bickers with her boyfriend at all hours: Trade up to a peaceful home without the chaos.
Here are three ways you can practice the soft skill of discernment:
Wise decisions don’t need to make sense to everyone on the block—you’re the one living with the consequences. So, the next time someone questions your choice to step back or change course, simply say, “It made sense at the time,” or “I let go of clinging to what was comfortable,” or, “I knew when to bounce.”