I was rewatching “The Princess Bride,” and there’s a moment where Andre the Giant is sent to defeat the approaching hero. His boss Vizzini tells him, “Fezzik, finish him. Finish him, your way!”
He responds, “Oh good, myyyy way. What is my way?”
Vizzini replies, “Pick up one of those rocks, and get behind a boulder. In a few minutes, the Man in Black will come running around the bend. The minute his head is in view, hit it with the rock!”
Fezzik shakes his head and says, “My way’s not very sportsman-like.”
Have you ever felt as confused as Fezzik wondering, “What is my way?!” That’s understandable. Growing up, you were conditioned to look to your family, teachers, and coaches, and they assured you they knew what was best. So, it stands to reason that deflecting decisions to others is a hard habit to break. But here’s the tension: If you never break that habit, you’ll spend a lifetime saying, “Whatever,” or coasting along on auto-pilot.
No one is born knowing how to make decisions that are right for them—that’s a skill you learn over time and it requires honing your self-confidence. Let me tell you how a famous entertainer’s life took a turn for the better when she stepped into her personal power.
Singer and actress Diahann Carroll knew she had big decisions to make after her fourth marriage ended. She noted, “I had not lived alone. Quite frankly, I didn’t know how to do that. But I did think it was time for me to stop and try to answer these questions for myself.”
As she reflected on worn-out patterns, Carroll became aware of all the times she gave her power away twice over. First, she deferred decision making, then pointed to the other person’s action or inaction to explain her upset or disappointment. That insight led to a life-changing conclusion: “Nobody can make you extremely happy but you! I was an old lady before I understood that.”
In the April series, Four Steps to Making Wise Decisions, we’re talking about how to use the soft skill of discernment. Discernment can feel tricky because everyone has moments of waffling or indecision. But if your go-to habit is to text ten people before you make any choice, you’re letting your personal power slip.
Reclaim your personal power by turning down the voices of all the experts—and that can be well-meaning people like your best friend, parents, mentor, partner or a financial advisor—and dialing up what your heart is saying. Think of the last time you felt uncertain and ended up following someone else’s idea about the way your life should be. As you look back, do you wish you could have stamped that choice with your personal style?
Here are three ways you can make power personal:
Wise choices are about more than the result—they’re about how you feel as you make them. And when you don’t feel confident, it’s tough to make any decision, let alone a wise one! So, make power personal and start making wise decisions your way—from your strong, competent, and resilient self.