It’s February—the month of love! That means it’s time to talk about relationships. Do you know a surprising place to learn how to partner? A negotiating room! If you’re a fan of TV shows like “Billions,” or “Shark Tank,” you might think that closing a deal is about manipulating other people to get your way. But I can tell you as a deal maker that those programs are high fiction!
The best partnerships aren’t about pushy ultimatums and slamming doors. Instead, they incorporate all the elements of soft skills:
When you read the soft skills list above, you could be talking about the qualities of a long-term marriage. So, we’ll learn how to take these soft skills and strengthen your partnerships—from home to school or work and back again—in the series, Four Partnership Builders.
With four divorces, you could say actress Diahann Carroll had plenty of practice with partnerships. She made an intentional choice to take a respite following her last separation. She said, “I had not lived alone. Quite frankly, I didn’t know how to do that. But I did think it was time for me to stop and try to answer these questions for myself.”
Carroll’s time out made her realize how imbalanced her marriages had been, primarily because she left her happiness up to others. She could always point to the other person’s action or inaction to explain why she was upset or disappointed. That insight led to an important conclusion: “Nobody can make you extremely happy but you! I was an old lady before I understood that.”
True partnerships are built when each person works in their strength, and those strengths complement each other. Unhealthy partnerships occur when one or both sides ask a version of, “How can you make me happy?”
Like Diahann Carroll, you may feel like your happiness is always out of reach because it’s in someone else’s hands. Alternately, you might be on the receiving end of that inequity, where someone has assigned their well-being to you. In an instant, it’s clear why transactional relationships flounder—they’re so heavy with unrealistic expectations that they are unstable from the start!
So, begin February with a quick relationship inventory using the soft skill of healthy self-esteem. Which partnerships encourage you to bring your best self, where you feel confident, strong, and valued? Conversely, which relationships make you feel uneasy or unsure? Have you let your personal power slip by waiting for your true love or your new manager at work to make you happy? Then call back your power as the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss—by staying responsible for your happiness, even if you’re partnered.
Here are three ways to practice this technique:
The old way of relating is to put happiness on hold until the greatest partner in the world shows up as the forever answer to your problems. But thank heavens—it’s a new era. Start building equal, empowered partnerships.