I used to work for a lawyer who had a simple rule of thumb when contract negotiations started going in circles. She would listen attentively as I elaborately described the backstory, and then give me a single piece of advice: “Don’t push it around. Push it forward.”
She wasn’t encouraging me to get sloppy with the fine points. She was reminding me to be selective with my time and energy. I needed to replace endless tit-for-tat conversations with finding and solving the key issues. That meant working through the parts that were really hard. Her guidance was always spot on—deals got done once we had a selective focus.
The dictionary defines selective as “choosy,” “discriminating,” or “careful.” Being selective doesn’t mean you cherry pick the good stuff and dump everything else. Instead, you choose wisely, a key Soul Boss principle. When you’re careful, your communications mean so much more. That’s what we’re talking about in the October series, Make it Count.
Beck is the king of productivity. He’s one of the busiest people I know, but also among the most efficient. He lives by the “talk more than you type” rule, only writing emails when they’re absolutely necessary. He’s also a pro at running the clock during meetings—he knows just when to say, “let’s book more time,” or “that’s enough for today.”
When I asked how he developed his stand-out habits, he laughed. Beck recalled, “I didn’t tell you about the mail spinner? My last manager kicked out 300 mails a day—it made her feel productive. She was like a super tweeter, showing up in my feed every 10 minutes! And she constantly double-booked herself. She ran from one meeting to the other but only caught half of any conversation. It became so obvious that quality was king. I decided that when I show up, my word counts.”
Beck’s poor experience with his manager taught him to be choosy. He learned that when and how you weigh in is just as important as what you say. That’s demonstrating the soft skill of discernment.
Discernment can mean acting like Beck, where you decide where to channel your attention. Other times, it means that you push a situation forward by opting-out of having the last word. Your communications stay a small disagreement instead of escalating to a power struggle.
So, how can we apply this lesson to a world where there are plenty of meetings to attend and emails to answer? Let’s be honest—life isn’t as simple as deciding you’ll selectively ignore your boss or spouse! Here are three ideas for you:
Don’t push something around this week—push it forward. Practice the art of being selective.