Say No to Striving

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Author and social influencer Moorea Seal is having quite a year even though her life looks nothing like it did a year ago.

Moorea started 2020 as a single woman after a decade-long marriage. She owned a popular store on Seattle’s waterfront, which temporarily closed with the sudden arrival of the coronavirus. As the pandemic wore on, she began to rethink her strategy. She loved supporting local and global artists; however, the downside of running the business was sizable. She felt stressed trying to balance the weight of emotionally supporting her friends, mentees, staff, and community with the intense financial pressure to constantly expand.

Moorea Seal Finds Her Center

A lot has happened in just six months. Moorea decided to close the store for good. She’s written a new book in her popular 52 Lists series, 52 Lists for Bravery. And she’s learned to say no to all the striving she used to do, replacing it with simplicity. She wrote on Instagram, “I’m a new me. A healthier me. A happier me. A simpler me. Without living in fear, I have found my center. Without excess, I’ve found abundance. Without people-pleasing, I have found me. Without fulfilling other people’s expectations and stereotypes of who I am + who I must be, I dove into authenticity. Without shame, I have unabashedly allowed myself to be exactly what makes me happy.”

In the August series, Reclaim Your Day, we’re talking about easy self-care strategies to say no in a healthy way. Right now, we’re all being challenged to reconfigure our lives and our priorities. You may not do as much shedding as Moorea did, but her story highlights a powerful lesson about the difference between persevering and pressure-driven striving, which inevitably leads to anxiety, depression, and burnout. Once Moorea took a step back and re-evaluated, she realized saying no wasn’t selfish or a failure. It was a way to use the soft skill of healthy self-esteem to shift and change for the person she is becoming.

Adjust for the Healthier, Happier You

So, where do you need to start adjusting for the new you—the healthier, happier, simpler you? Like Moorea, is there something you thought you had to have six months ago that no longer makes sense? Is there a mindset that looked good from the outside that secretly threw you out of balance or made you miserable?

Here are five ways you can stop striving and exchange worn out priorities for the new you:

1. “This priority sounds good—it’s what other people expect me to achieve,” becomes, “I choose priorities that excite and inspire me. Achieving my goals will feel so good!”
2. “I have to handle any and every responsibility in my line of sight,” becomes, “I handle my responsibilities well.”
3. “I’ll be happy when I look a certain way,” becomes, “I want to feel healthy and strong—whole food and fun activities help me get there.”
4. “I’ll make that pitch when I find the perfect words,” becomes, “I always express my ideas with authenticity and integrity.”
5. “I’ll pursue that big dream someday,” becomes, “I pursue my dreams one step at a time, so I don’t overwhelm myself.”

You can also support yourself with three simple affirmations:

1. I consciously create my experiences.
2. My priorities reflect who I am today.
3. I am courageous, easily moving past old beliefs and habits.

Some priorities have their moment, but then they run their course. Stop striving and say no to stagnant ideas, activities, and behaviors. Start saying yes to the new you.