In the August series, Reclaim Your Day, we’re talking about strategies to say no in a healthy way. Even during a pandemic, you may find your days packed to the brim. What do you need to do to ensure you’re not pulled in a million different directions? Be intentional.
“Be intentional” sounds easy enough, but it can be hard to effectuate in real life, especially when your boss or a colleague is pressuring you for a quick commitment! So, here’s your hack: Switch your default yes button to “off” and ask a few probing questions. You may not be able to say no to that commitment, but at least you’ll have a better understanding about saying yes requires. (And for more ideas about setting intentions with impact, check out my book, Light it Up—7 Skills for Setting Intentions that Work.)
Let’s meet Ed, who shows why good intentions are only a start.
My friend Kara is one of those “full meal deal” people—she’s incredibly smart and trusts her gut when it comes to choosing talent. She’s so capable that I was surprised to hear she was in choppy waters after only two months on the job as the Recruiting Lead for a major law firm.
“Ed is the Managing Partner who leads personnel decisions, and he’s driving me crazy!” she cried. “I send him resumes which he doesn’t review. He double-books his schedule and then cancels at the last minute. When he does show up, he’s late or distracted. I cozied up to his Admin so I could get the inside scoop. She laughed and told me, ‘Don’t take that personally—Ed has good intentions to stick with a schedule, but his default answer to any request is “yes.” Every day is an adventure!’”
Ed thought saying yes built positive relationships. Unfortunately, he was caught in a cycle of letting people down. He double-booked himself instead of delegating the small stuff. Since he never prepared, he bluffed his way through conversations. And because he said yes to whatever someone asked, he was always behind on his real priorities, like hiring the right candidates to support all that work!
Are you like Ed, where your commitment toggle is automatically set to “yes”? Start reclaiming your day by creating intentions. Think of them as guideposts—when sudden commitments occur, compare them to the priorities you’ve already set. Then, use the soft skill of discernment to decide whether to say an immediate yes, postpone for the moment, or decline.
If you feel awkward about giving an outright “no” to a mystery meeting, try these five open-ended questions to understand what’s on the other side of “yes”:
You can also support yourself with three affirmations:
You have meaningful contributions to make—so, don’t leave your day to a positive attitude and a wing and a prayer! Make sure the first yes you say is yes to respecting your time.