In the “Light it Up” series, we’ve talked about what makes an intention. We also discovered the building blocks for successful intentions—the What, Why and How.
This week, we’ll get a jump on the new year with Skill #1—Start With a Clean Slate.
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Don’t leave your heart’s desire sitting on a shelf. Skill up like a Soul Boss so you can declare, “My year was lit!”
I once had an emergency repair in my bathroom that spiraled into a much bigger job. I had it all worked out in my head—the plumber would fix the bathtub faucet on my lunch hour, and I would be back at work in twenty minutes after writing a small check.
My dream turned into a nightmare when he suggested a complete overhaul. I questioned him repeatedly until he sighed and said, “All I can say is that I wouldn’t install new tile over a chipped tub.” Of course, he was right—there’s no use building something new on a compromised foundation. However, I could only get a new bathroom if I let go of my savings. In an instant, I said hello to a new bathtub and goodbye to my Broadway show wish list!
Intentions can be a lot like my emergency repair. If you’re new to setting intentions, you might think the most important part is daydreaming about what you’d like to receive. However, visioning is only part of the puzzle. Successful intentions happen by looking at the What as a two-sided coin—What you need to let go of is just as important as what you’d like to achieve.
So, let’s consider the past before flying into the future. It’s time to clean the slate of anything that will get in the way of the new you.
“Hey, Ali—you found me!” Olivia said as she reached to hug her best friend. “I’m so glad you were in the neighborhood. Come on in! But watch where you step. I’m still sorting things out.”
“Whoa—this is a fun obstacle course!”Ali joked as she found a path through the moving boxes. “It looks like you have a way to go, but you picked a beautiful neighborhood. This house is darling. What a find!”
“Yeah, you’re right, but it’s not coming together the way I hoped,” Olivia complained as they sat down. “I swore I was going to jump on that tidying bandwagon, but it’s a lot harder than it sounds.”
“I’m not following you. Don’t you just put stuff away?”
“That’s what I thought! But it’s more than breaking down boxes. I want to make this house a wonderful home. Nothing like the last time around!”
“Are you talking about your ex-husband? C’mon—don’t let the past haunt you,” Ali reassured her. “New neighborhood, new you!”
“That’s the point—I want things to be different. I keep saying I’m going to get this place together, but I don’t make headway. I flop on the couch thinking Why bother or I’ll think about that later. To tell you the truth, my indecision kind of scares me,” Olivia said as her eyes widened. “I had the same thoughts when I was married. Remember when we were so miserable? I thought moving out was the solution.”
“Everyone feels overwhelmed when they move—that’s natural,” Ali said softly. She glanced at her phone. “My next meeting isn’t until 3:00. I’m sure we can power through a box or two before then. Where should we start?”
Olivia’s story shows a secret about setting intentions: Great intentions may start with an “Aha” moment, but the equally important flip side is “Oh, no!” (or insert a more colorful phrase), where you realize what you must release.
Her “Aha” moment happened when she told herself, “I’m getting a new start in a different place, and I want to be different.” Having a tidy home is a good dream, but Olivia needs to support her dream with action. Her intention will short-circuit if her walk doesn’t match her talk.
The “oh, no” that will sabotage Olivia’s intention is the habit of stopping herself when she feels overwhelmed. Her challenge is to find a way to know when she’s reaching her limit. Then she can either redirect her energy or take a break before she feels burned-out and hopeless.
Olivia can build a new habit by using the skill of self-awareness. She can start addressing her “oh, no” with short reminders such as, “I don’t want to go down the road of old habits,” or “There’s a better way.”
Now that Olivia has a deeper understanding of the What, she can get the 360° view by designing a What-Why-How framework to keep herself on track. Olivia’s model could look like this:
What: A fresh attitude about household responsibilities.
Why: Whether I am alone or with friends and family, I want to have the happiest house on the block, filled with good vibes.
How: I will remember times I’ve felt swamped or exhausted by too much to do and reflect on how I could have managed those situations differently. Then I’ll use those insights and try different tactics whenever I feel myself slipping into old habits.
Everyone dreams that situations will automatically change once you set intentions. But getting results takes more than an elegantly worded goal—it also requires mindful clearing. Letting exhausted tactics creep into a new situation is like saying, “I want to slow myself down and make this as hard as possible.” And no one would consciously say that!
So, what can you update to support your dream? Here are some common “oh, no” problems that may have either short-circuited your intentions in the past or could block you in the future. Clean the slate of tactics such as:
In your heart, you know what needs to stay or go. Like any deep cleaning, you may get a little dirty in the process. Some things are heavier than expected as you drag them to the trash. However, admitting that something needs to change is more than having courage—it is astute. It is a demonstration of the Soul Boss® principle of using wisdom.
Light up your intention by saying an enthusiastic “Adios,” “Arrivederci,” and “Thank you so much” to anything that has run its course.
1. Use the skill of starting with a clean slate to release methods that didn’t work the first (or even second or third!) time around.
2. Only looking forward short-circuits an intention. Clearing out the old lights it up.
3. The Make it fast, Make it deep, Make it real challenge:
4. Intentions work when you start with a clean slate and don’t work when you build your dream on a foundation of bad habits, outworn ideas, and anything else that belongs to a time gone by.
Check out Light it Up—7 Skills for Setting Intentions that Work today at Amazon.