Tech executive Dametra Johnson-Marletti built her reputation on being a no-nonsense leader of high-performing teams. But along the way, she began to rethink the all-gas, no-brakes approach.
On a podcast with Karol Figueroa of HiK Trainings, Dametra reflected, “You gotta be yourself. That being said, I have learned over the years to be more effective in who I am. People will say, ‘This is who I am, and you can take it or leave it.’ Well, you know what? A lot of companies are gonna leave it today because there’s 10,000 people behind you who will do your job in a different, more effective way.”
“I am direct. I am straightforward, I believe hashing things out makes for a better outcome. I don’t shy away from conflict. I protect my people. All of those things? That’s who I am. But I can turn dials down or up just to get the amount of effectiveness that I want to have.”
In the November series, Pass the Masterclass, we’re discussing how soft skills can help you change common mistakes into empowering wisdom. Dametra’s insights about effectiveness are the opposite of shows like “Succession.” People who punch down and throw out gotchas may be entertaining online. However, winning at all costs is a here-today, gone-tomorrow strategy in the real world.
In its place, people who succeed have passed the masterclass in de-escalating. For example, they take the lead but know when to go to the mat or pull back. They apply hacks to save steps during sticky situations. And they keep to the high road, staying productive when tempers and deadlines are short. That’s because they understand that a colleague who turns trash can fires into a 3-alarm blaze is never in high demand.
I thought of Dametra’s advice as I watched a video duet. A TikToker filmed a staff meeting and gave a quick nope when her manager asked her to turn on the camera.
Then the TikToker states that on-screen time was mentioned during onboarding as sometimes optional. The manager concurs but says this particular get-together is a time when everyone should be on camera. Another no.
After an awkward silence, the TikToker says she taped and transcribed the orientation and is willing to forward the transcript to HR “so they’re aligned.”
Thud.
In fairness, the TikToker may have thought she exuded self-confidence, but did you catch all the chances to de-escalate?
For instance, she was so busy making her point that she didn’t realize she accidentally broadcast ideas such as:
* My tone and delivery are questionable
* I may not be a cultural fit
* And although I’m not comfortable turning on my camera, I am comfortable breaking my company NDA by posting this video to TikTok. (OK—that last one’s my lens as a legal professional.)
Instead, imagine if she had turned down the heat using the soft skill of adaptability. Being flexible doesn’t mean foregoing your principles. Instead, you’re adjusting as the discussion unfolds, a tactic successful negotiators do day in and day out.
So, here are three easy ways to stay flexible and one AI prompt to customize:
Misunderstandings will happen, but you get to decide if they’re today’s annoyance or something more serious. Let’s put it this way: Do you think Beyonce got to where she is by fighting every pointless fight that crossed her path?
Make this the year you pass the masterclass on de-escalating and level up to consistently effective choices.