Ahhh, 2021—somehow, it hasn’t been the comeback year most of us hoped for. Like last year, you may have had to dig a little deeper and grow more than you planned. But the silver lining is that your instincts may be whispering insights about certain patterns.
Don’t wait until the end of the year to start weeding out what needs to go. Release anything faded or worn out now so you end 2021 with a clean slate. We’ll talk about five patterns to discard in the November series, Say So Long to Self-Sabotage (or you can make the series title more colorful if you’d like!).
First up, we’ll discuss how self-doubt can get in your way. Here’s an idea: Imagine dismantling the wall of self-doubt brick by brick and doing it from your heart rather than trying to pull yourself up by your bootstraps or fake positivity. Let me tell you how one woman did just that.
You may have heard about Tunde Oyeneyin, one of Peloton’s most popular instructors. Her classes are known for two things: crazy good playlists and crazy hard workouts. But those workouts aren’t meant to break her students. Instead, Tunde sees them as a vote of confidence, saying, “I will always push you because I know you can come up from wherever you are, even if you haven’t fully realized it yet.”
You might take one look at Tunde’s ever-present smile and think, She’s so upbeat and engaging—she’s got it made. But the opposite is true. Before finding success as a make-up artist, Tunde spent her school years being self-conscious about her weight. She was shoulder-tapped on social media to try out for Peleton, but failed the first audition. It took pushing herself through several rounds before she was chosen.
Now Tunde inspires others to rise higher through SPEAK—Surrender, Power, Empathy, Authenticity, and Knowledge. She encourages, “Confidence is a skill—it’s not a trait. If you can accept that, then number one, you don’t beat yourself up when it’s gone. And number two, if you don’t have it, you know that you can find it. That relates to moments on and off the bike.”
As you listen to Tunde Oyeneyin’s story, did you catch all the times self-doubt could have sabotaged her? For example, she could have let other people’s opinions about her body shape determine whether she could be a fitness instructor. She might have stopped the first time Peleton turned her down. And she could have kept her personal story quiet rather than founding SPEAK.
Where does self-doubt get in your way? Do you hold back insightful ideas because you worry about speaking up at the staff meeting? Are you hanging back, waiting for someone to ask you to lead an initiative at your kid’s school rather than putting your name forward? And do you miss small, daily wins because you feel uneasy about complimenting yourself on a job well done?
Now let me ask another question: Would you tell your best friend to do the same thing?
Say so long to self-doubt by using the soft skill of healthy self-esteem. If you’re worried about puffery or false swagger, reframe it as poise, dignity, or self-respect. Here are three ways to cultivate your confidence:
Other people’s support and encouragement are wonderful, but you’ll get stuck if you only feel all right when others validate you. After all, no one travels with a Greek chorus singing their praises! So, strengthen your confidence muscle every day and say so long to self-doubts!