I did a double-take when my friend told me about her start-up. Because it wasn’t any small business. It was a winery. Sounds glamorous, right?

Well, kind of. It’s just that the business is located in rustic Eastern Washington. That means she just traded the thriving metropolis of Seattle for a town of only 9,000 people. She’s having a blast following her dreams, but still adjusting to a place where Main Street shuts down at 10:00 most nights of the week.

So far, things couldn’t be better. Her company is on the fast track. Their wines are showing up in stores throughout the Pacific Northwest. They’ve even opened a sister restaurant in a larger, neighboring town.

Still, she only had one question when we sat down: “Where am I going to find a boyfriend?” She’s concerned that her new small town means small prospects.

Is she right to be worried?

Maybe. But the good news is that not having a boyfriend at the moment doesn’t mean she’s running short on love. In fact, limiting herself to romantic love is too limiting. It would be like trying to squeeze her happy go lucky outlook and big laugh into a little box. Finding someone special may take some time, but there’s no way she’ll lose out on being surrounded by loving people.

In the February series, Make Room for Love, we’ve seen how people have overcome challenging circumstances to make room for all kinds of love:

• In The List, we learned how any list of essential qualities needs to leave a little space for the unexpected. Mistakes are part of life, so we need to practice erring on the side of love.
• An unexpected encounter in Remember Me? made Nicole remember the qualities vital to her marriage.
• Cut the Craving showed the power of releasing toxic relationships. Releasing the mistakes of the past is just as important as searching for new love.

You may not have a picture-perfect relationship in your life right now, but that’s ok because real relationships aren’t limited to Valentine’s Day. They don’t stand still. They are imperfect-challenging and enlightening us.  Sometimes they strain under the stress of everyday life, then bounce back again. Here’s the way Gemeny Hernandez described it in an Instagram post dedicated to her girlfriend, Emily Estefan:

There is love in every corner here. And not the kind of love you might think I’m referring to. Not flowers, chocolates, and poor-rhyme-scheme love.

True love. Good love. Our love.

Love that permeates every piece of its surroundings. Love that chokes you, shakes you, scares you, illuminates you, heals you, awakens you. Love that pours so much of itself into you, you can’t help but become it. Love that is so loud, everything else is just background noise.

As we leave February, carry the Soul Boss principle of showing compassion with you. Remember Gemeny’s words and keep an open, willing heart. That’s how you experience true love. Good love.

“I can choose to not think about it. But I’ve got to…I’d rather not think about this stuff because it hurts.”

That’s a woman from New York City talking about her divorce. If the biggest month for romance isn’t turning out quite the way you thought, you might be feeling just like her. But that doesn’t mean you need to stuff your feelings or hide out until March. You can start your journey to healing by cutting the craving for what you once thought was so sweet.

Here’s what the woman told Humans of New York:

“I’m still having trouble even saying the word ‘divorce.’ I had always planned on only being married once. And now I’m not.

I’m getting older now, and I always wanted to be a Mom—but I’m not. And that’s really hard.

I’m clocking my progress by the moments I’m not crying. And as long as I don’t think about any of these things, I’m fine. My career is going great.

I can choose to not think about it. But I’ve got to. I’ve got to ask myself: ‘What happens if he never apologizes?’, ‘Will I be fine if he never makes amends?’ I’d rather not think about this stuff because it hurts. But I know it’s the only way to move on. I can either think through it now, or I can carry it with me forever.”

Trying to leapfrog past the pain is understandable. Yet old hurts and unfinished business can crop up when you least expect it. Worse yet, they can cloud your vision, making it impossible to see the love trying to make its way to you. And staying open-hearted in a difficult world is what the February series, Make Room for Love, is about.I had a friend in a similar situation. She had a devastating break-up after her boyfriend suddenly announced he didn’t want to be committed. When we got together six months later, she was hopeful about the future.

She told me, “After the shellshock, I started deleting my Facebook photos. I’ll admit it—I was pretty teary. But our vacation pictures reminded me how always he wanted to pick where we would go. I think he just liked to have the last word!” She smiled and said, “His halo got a little rusty when I kept thinking about his “me, first” mentality. I don’t know what’s next, but I’m finally free of all his priorities!”

Valentine’s Day may have triggered you into thinking about the one that got away. If you’re romanticizing about all the things you once had or waiting for an apology before you move on, like the woman in New York, try my friend’s technique. Reframe the relationship as something toxic to you, whether that’s sour gummy worms or watching a TV show or sports that bores you to tears. When you cut the craving, you’re available for all the love that’s here right now, right where you are. And accepting that love is how you heal.

Nicole had changed her mind a million times before she finally booked the flight to go to her 20^th high school reunion. That’s why I was surprised to see her glowing after the trip.

“It must have been a great party!” I said.

“You know what? It really was. In more ways than one,” she said, smiling.

“Seriously?”

“Oh, yeah,” Nicole agreed. “I never expected to run into Thom. We dated a little during our senior year, but I lost touch with him once we went to college. He came over to my table after dinner and that was that. We flirted, we couldn’t stop dancing, and talked and talked. It was…I can’t even describe it!” she said in a dreamy tone.

I was happy for Nicole. And concerned. Her marriage to Jeremy had been on auto-pilot for the last few years.

“What was Jeremy’s impression of Thom?” I asked cautiously.

“He didn’t meet him. Jeremy bailed at the last minute, so I went with my hometown friends.” She leaned towards me. “Did I mention Thom’s wife didn’t come, either?”

Are you thinking what I was? “Oh, Nicole. Run! You’re playing with fire, girl!”

Let’s face it: There’s no way her real life, snoring, weekend pajama wearing husband is going to compare to the ghost of Christmas past dressed in an Italian suit. Every time she compares the two, Jeremy will always come up short.

But let’s look at Nicole’s story from the angle of our February series about staying open, Make Room for Love. Love was knocking on the door of Nicole’s heart, just not how she expected. The spark she had with Thom reminded her of all the things she once loved about Jeremy. It was as if qualities like being light-hearted, listening, and laughing together were shaking her by the shoulders asking, “Hey! Remember me?!”

Did Nicole need those qualities? Yes. However, should she leave the life she had built with Jeremy? Not yet.

Giving her marriage one last chance means having a fair conversation, not provoking Jeremy into breaking up. Which discussion sounds like it comes from an open heart: “Hey, honey, I’m back from my trip and ready to tell you the 10 things wrong with our relationship!” or “Let’s find ways to have more fun together. It’s important to me that we’re close—not just on vacation or every once in a while. Week in and week out.”

Whether you’re single or coupled, listening to someone’s big plans for Valentine’s Day could be bittersweet. You might be feeling a little disappointed, just like Nicole. But don’t bury that feeling. Don’t let it make you feel depressed or less than. That’s Life whispering to you about what matters most.

This week, tune in to the message your instincts are sending, and use it as a catalyst. Start inviting those qualities in, whether they’re with your partner or friends, family and co-workers. And make sure you’re reciprocating.

Playfulness. Kindness. Being close. They’re all asking, “Hey—remember me?!”