Have you ever felt like a truth needed to be told, but you were stumped about when, where or how to do it? So, you kept stuffing but until a bad day turned you into a volcano and you became Blurty McBlurt? Me, too!
In the May series, Genuine Power Do’s and Don’ts, we’re talking about techniques from my free bestseller, Genuine Power: 7 Techniques to Be Powerful in a Loud, Complicated World. One technique is to Use Power Tools with Care. Honesty can be a powerful tool, but just like a sharp hedge trimmer, you want to be careful when and where you use it! When you use it in the right circumstances, it can work wonders.
Let me tell you how a colleague discovered that speaking his truth was necessary and important. He just needed to speak it in safe company.
Lee didn’t plan to have a heart-to-heart with his boss in the office kitchen. He is friendly but a little reserved—the last person who lets true confessions slip. But after a tough weekend with his special needs daughter, he was close to the breaking point.
“My manager asked me a dangerous question: ‘How was your weekend?’,” Lee said, shaking his head. “That was enough for the floodgates to open. I guess the look on my face startled her because she whispered that we should take a walk. She shut the door of her office and we talked for 20 minutes. I didn’t mean to, but it all tumbled out—how my daughter had Autism Spectrum Disorder, that it was hard to predict what would happen on any given day, and how I was crunched with overtime closing the books for the quarter. One thing piled on top of the other, and I guess it was just too much.”
“How did you leave it?” I asked. “I mean—this is a long-term situation.”
“That was my thought, too. My boss has high standards—I thought she might tell me to stop making excuses. But it was the opposite,” Lee said, looking relieved. “Instead of making me feel like I needed to try harder or that I wasn’t doing enough, she applauded me. She kept saying, ‘I had no idea.’”
Lee’s story reminded me that the What of honesty is only part of the equation. When you approach someone and How much detail you disclose is just as important as What is being said.
You might hold things in because you’re concerned that using a personal story might be seen as attention seeking or insecurity. But when you speak your truth with sincerity, it leaves the listener with the impression of, “This information is important, and I trust you with it.” When you approach a conversation with that mindset, you’re using the qualities of genuine power—you’re calm, confident, and consistent.
The next time you need to take charge of the truth, use these Do’s and Don’ts:
Seeing how much you can hold in or push down isn’t a sign of genuine power. So, don’t let unspoken realities become the boss of you. Take charge of the truth, including when, how, and what you share.