I texted a friend who was crazy excited about her first day on the job. My smile dropped when I saw her response: “Spilled coffee on my favorite blouse in the first 15 minutes. Smelled like Starbucks for the rest of the day. Signing off!”
Hey, bad days happen to the best of us. However, if you’ve had a string of bad days with difficult people this year or even during the last decade, it’s time to take a hard look. You can use soft skills to make thoughtful decisions about what’s next. You may even wind up looking at some relationships and saying, “That’s a wrap!”, the title of the December series.
A woman profiled by Humans of New York described how she uses her judgment to understand the distinction between a few bad days and a pattern of negativity. Here’s what she said:
“There’s too much negative energy out there. Slouched shoulders. Puppy eyes. Excessive exhales. Too many people with fixable problems that they don’t want to fix.
For some reason, people love to identify themselves by their problems. They just don’t know who they are without some major issue. They love to say, ‘I can’t.’ Or: ‘If I was this, then I could be that.’ Or ‘I’ll always be this way because of XYZ.’ But that kind of thinking never ends. You’ll always have another box you can check.
You can always qualify for victimhood. There’s always a reason to opt-out of self-responsibility. Because God forbid the problem is you. It’s toxic thinking. I can’t be around it. It’s too draining.
I’m trying to grow. I’m trying to be great. I’m trying to be thankful for all that I have. So, when I feel negative energy, I’m looking for an exit strategy. I’m not going to give up on you right away. I’m going to speak my truth. But if you have no interest in helping yourself, I’m out.”
When you hear the story above, are you already visualizing people where
most conversations consist of you listening to their long list of issues? Where
you leave feeling drained and discouraged because every idea you suggest is met
with pushback?
Then let me ask you this: Are you sure you want to take that dynamic
into next year?
If you’re ready to bust out of the “but, but, but…” rut, tune
into your instincts—they’re probably telling you that you’ve done all you can
do for the moment. Stepping back and letting others fix their fixable problems
may initially feel uncomfortable, but in the long run, it’s the smart choice
for everyone. You can set your sights on your priorities while the other person
finds solutions that are right for them at the right time.
It’s impossible to have unlimited success when you’re surrounded by
limited thinking. So, say, “That’s a wrap!” to negativity and get moving with
these three ideas:
You probably don’t need one more conversation, an additional long exhale or another disaster story to know what’s up. Before the end of the year, act on what you know.