Are you starting to feel like the last man standing in the office? Have the parking lot and kitchen cleared out due to summer vacations? And is it all making you a little salty?
Well, congratulations—you’ve just taken what Executive Coach Melody Wilding calls a resentment audit. Wilding says, “It’s like being the consummate gold-star student in the group project in school who’s the only one carrying everybody else’s weight.”
But here’s a radical idea: What if you’re accidentally contributing to the problem? Sky-high aspirations are positive. However, unattainable ideals aren’t standards. Instead, they’re how high-minded principles start feeling like a prison.
Here’s the good news: You can replace perfectionism with the same people skills you use to solve other problems, such as shrewd judgment and compassionate understanding.
For instance, stop treating yourself like the angry coach screaming at their soccer team. The vibe you’re going for is the awesome mentor who steered you in the right direction and shared valuable insights. Tuning in to your inner wisdom is how to course correct before resentment takes over—that’s the lesson Simone Dinnerstein learned.
Classical pianist Simone Dinnerstein has a long list of accomplishments, including recording albums, performing solo, and appearing as a guest with numerous orchestras. So, you’ll probably be surprised to hear that she’s had a long-time battle with performance anxiety.
Playing music by memory is required for most musicians. However, classical music has an additional difficulty since pieces are typically much longer than those in pop music. Unfortunately, Simone’s concerns about committing her repertoire to memory became so intense that she started having panic attacks. Her normally supportive husband even floated the idea of quitting.
After much consideration, Simone decided to disrupt the old system. She made the move of bringing an iPad onstage as a backup, referring to the device as “enormously freeing and comforting.” Now she’s overcome the limiting idea that music is a crutch and changed what is socially acceptable.
Dinnerstein remarked, “Performance anxiety is something that we performers often find quite shameful. What I really hope will change is that we will become much more accepting of the fact that people have different learning styles and different needs, just as we’ve become more aware of that in the workplace.”
In the July series, Toggle Off/Toggle On with People Skills, we’re discussing how people skills can help address everyday pressures. So far, we’ve talked about toggling off managing every workstream alone and stepping away from trauma dumpers. The third item to toggle off is perfectionism.
There’s no doubt about it: The most successful people I know have high standards. But I’ve seen those same people become resentful by adopting impractical, self-imposed pressures. And let’s face it, life and work are already hectic and challenging enough without bringing extra heat!
Perfectionism squeezes all the fun out of life. So, re-examine the beliefs that undercut your self-confidence and replace them with new, more positive habits. Here are three ways to begin:
Working with intention to ease your mental load is a long-term response to a loud, complicated world, not settling for less. So, toggle off the shame and resentment brought on by perfectionism and toggle on to healthy self-esteem.