Your Best Side

After the elections, I was startled to see a heated argument break out on social media between close friends. But one guy smoothed everything over a few days later with a short message. He wrote, “That wasn’t my best side.”

In The Art of Done, we’ve looked at releasing behaviors that hold us back. Letting go of what isn’t flattering seems obvious—until it’s something we care deeply about. Then, with our head spinning and heart racing, we dig in and do incredible, unintentional damage.

That’s what happened to my friend. In the rapid-fire exchange on Facebook, a couple of things were instantly clear: He and his friend were both smart, articulate and self-assured. They could find the weakness in the other person’s critical thinking. And neither one was afraid to clap back with a sharp reply.

Clenching Closes Your Heart

But saving their relationship didn’t happen with complicated, witty responses. They were basic—ones like, “Sorry,” and “No worries.” The moment they stopped trying to outsmart each other was the moment they each showed their best side.

Personalize their story for a moment. As you look back over the year, where have you let something negative—stubbornness, pride or a simple disagreement—divert you from your best side?

Clenching and holding on has a terrible side effect: It closes your heart. Now imagine me saying, “That anger, resentment, pain or irritation? Keep that going. Feed it. Nurture it.” You’d think that was crazy. And you know what? It is! It’s the opposite of the key Soul Boss principle of showing compassion.

What Would You Do Over Again?

So, as the year draws to a close, here’s your hack: Complete the sentence, “If I had it to do over again…” and then peacefully let that situation go. Releasing isn’t condoning bad behavior. Instead, it is finding a way to say, “I’m done carrying this hurt. I won’t do it one more day.”

Let’s recap the November series to see how each story replaced ineffective behaviors with new possibilities:

• We learned it was silly to assume responsibility for any and every problem in our path in “What Owns You.” We exchanged, “I got this!” for, “You got this!”
• We stopped seeing every release only as a loss in “Blessings Ignored.” Letting go makes room for new options and unexpected blessings.
• We stopped holding on to unspoken expectations in “The Unwritten Contract.” Positive relationships are built on lots and lots of communication, not hidden assumptions.

Letting go is filled with uncertainty—that’s why it’s harder than it looks. So, the next time you find yourself doubling down, show your best side and practice the art of done. Here are three ways:

• Make it fast by taking 30 seconds to declare, “I am willing to let go. I’m making room for the new.”
• Make it deep by reflecting on a time where being inflexible backfired on your mental, emotional or physical health.
• Make it real by saying, “Let’s start over,” at least once this week.

A beautiful future is waiting for you. Be done with anything that will get in the way.