A friend of mine personifies leadership. The people who work for her love her practical, no nonsense approach and habitually seek her advice before making big decisions.
Her interactions are meaningful and memorable, the topic for the October series about communications, Make it Count. Why does she put so much time and effort in? It’s simple—she likes to say, “You’re not a leader if no one is following you.”
Her wise words came back to me during a meeting with Trevor. His smarts are dazzling. In an instant, he can find the weak spot in any argument. He’s so adept that you could say that using his laser focus is his weapon of choice. That’s why the rest of the team has started to call him, “‘Hey! You missed a spot!’ guy.” The trouble is, they don’t mean it as a compliment.
It’s good to be the smartest guy in the room—but it’s not the whole story. To get other people to follow you, you must connect self-awareness with your powerful intellect.
The Harvard Business Review addressed the role of awareness in communications in the article, “What Great Listeners Actually Do.” They discovered, “Good listeners may challenge assumptions and disagree, but the person being listened to feels the listener is trying to help, not wanting to win the argument. As a good listener, it’s your job to provide suggestions so others can solve the problem rather than jumping in to do everything for them.”
Everyone falls into being pushy when they are short on time or frustrated. Trevor compounds that mistake with a false belief that deep listening is the same as condoning a bad idea. That’s why he feels compelled to jump in whenever he sees a flaw.
Steamrolling may feel good, but it automatically undermines communications. The TV show, “Last Man Standing,” captures this idea beautifully in their closing card which reads, “In our country, not communicating seems to be the weapon of choice right now. We unfriend, unlike, and unfollow instead of trying to understand each other.”
You can challenge assumptions and disagree. But to make communications count, you must find ways to convey that disliking concepts that need more work is very different than disliking the presenter.
It’s easy—when people feel seen and heard they want to hear your advice. Acknowledging and respecting others, not winning every argument, is how you become a leader.
So, see if you can develop a new weapon of choice—understanding your audience. Here’s how you can do it:
Do you want to make your opinions count? Before you unfriend, unlike or unfollow, listen.