In a recent dating clip, a woman wavered on the infamous stay-or-go decision. Her boyfriend wasn’t a terrible guy—she just wanted him to have that extra something, something. But the craziest part was that the woman couldn’t describe what was missing.
Have you ever had a similar business relationship? The kind that started off well, but now you’re getting a little snappy, dreading interactions, and beginning to wonder if it’s time to cut the cord?
In the June series, Constructive Collaboration Do’s and Don’ts, we’re discussing how to overcome partnership blocks using soft skills.
I’m the first person to tell you to create and stick to your principles. However, the trouble is that interpreting “high standards” can be a slippery slope. What I’ve learned from negotiating deals is that conflict is inevitable if someone’s version of “high standards” is getting what they want, whenever they want it.
So, since summer vacations are upon us, apply your trip mindset to partnerships. Accept that flawless is impossible, love the 80% that goes well, and turn to your best people skills for the rest. Staying flexible and clear-headed may be your saving grace.
If you love the ‘90s, your playlists have songs like “Sowing the Seeds of Love” and “Shout” by Tears for Fears. For better or worse, their track “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” wound up being slightly true to life.
Roland Orzabel and Curt Smith broke into the music business as determined, independent people. But what made them successful started causing friction, with too much time together in the studio and on the road. Ongoing arguments about the questionable business dealings of their manager, Paul King, added to the load.
Orzabel’s instincts about Paul King’s side hustles were on point. Ultimately, King was sentenced for defrauding investors. But by then, the power struggles were so exhausting that Curt and Roland decided to call it quits.
After not speaking for nine years, the duo had a quick business-related call. That short interaction turned into a series of talks. Now they live within a mile of each other and released the apt title of “Everyone Loves a Happy Ending.”
When people talk about collaborating, it’s easy to complain about the gaps. That’s what happened with Tears for Fears—their struggles eclipsed what worked.
But before you call the whole thing off, try the classic negotiation tactic of mapping your must-haves vs. the nice-to-haves. For instance, did you catch Roland Orzabel’s non-negotiables of integrity and trustworthiness? He fired a manager who lacked his necessary 80%.
What’s interesting is that Tears for Fears has given up the idea that collaborating = being in lockstep. Now they either negotiate the missing 20% or have a new appreciation for their differences. When asked, Roland admitted that Curt brings balance, smoothing out his perfectionist tendencies. Likewise, Curt admires Roland’s natural self-confidence.
As in the case study, you may have a partnership where your principles align, but you’re still not seeing eye to eye. If your alliance is worth saving, use soft skills to de-escalate irritations. Because let’s face it, transforming a clapback into a constructive conversation can be half the battle!
For instance, here are easy ways to pivot if you’re working with someone who:
* Has a fixed mindset: Show authentic curiosity and engage others by saying, “Can we backtrack? I’d like to get everyone’s input about <topic>.”
* Is a data geek when you’re not: Leverage their expertise by requesting, “When you look at the data, what story does it tell?”
* Has a million creative ideas: Help stay on track with, “We could go in a lot of directions, but we have limited time. What’s first?”
* Is tired and tempers are short: show compassion by saying, “I appreciate everyone’s dedication. Should we keep going or meet later?”
And your AI prompt is: Help me brainstorm ways to keep argumentative conversations constructive.
No one can offer 100% 100% of the time. However, there’s a lot of ground before goodbye. So, don’t expect perfection and do get your 80/20 split right.