February is considered the month for love, but did you remember to take stock of the relationship with the person in the mirror? Here’s why it’s important: Your inner world is just as critical as the outer one. That’s because you’re with yourself all the time.
However, self-confidence can feel tricky to navigate. So, let’s set a baseline in a quick game of This, Not That.
It’s easy to goof on the ideas in the Not That column. However, they’ve happened to the best of us. Who hasn’t waffled between questioning their self-worth and over-indexing to keep up appearances?
But you can turn around these behaviors by applying the same people skills you use for others. By comparison, you wouldn’t comment to a new employee, “You might be all right someday. But until then, I’ve got my eye on you.” Likewise, you wouldn’t over-idealize them, thinking they were perfect. In the words of Logan Roy from Succession, acting either way wouldn’t make you a serious person.
Instead, you would use people skills and techniques, such as practicing compassion and using wise judgment to keep a kind but realistic view. So, give yourself the benefit of these same skills. Skip the rose-colored glasses and start digging the authentic, day-to-day, real-world you.
Let’s meet someone who exchanged perfectionism for perseverance and became an Emmy winner.
Niecy Nash-Betts’ career has had plenty of twists and turns—from a reality organizing show to sitcoms. That’s why it was so surprising when she landed a dramatic role as Jeffrey Dahmer’s neighbor in “Dahmer—Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story.”
Niecy’s Emmy speech for the Dahmer role started with standard thanks. She recognized her spouse, who picked her up when she felt gutted after long shooting days. She used her platform to pay tribute to unheard black and brown women such as Sandra Bland and Breona Taylor. But then she pivoted.
She stated it was her job to speak truth to power, and the truth was that she deserved recognition for years of hard work. She laughed, “I want to say to myself in front of all you beautiful people, ‘Go on girl with your bad self. You did that!'”
In the February series, Serious Skills for Serious Relationships, we’re discussing how you can use people skills to sidestep relationship errors. A common misbelief is that self-confidence is dependent on having big wins. But the problem with that mindset is that big wins are usually few and far between. That’s why behaviors like Main Character Syndrome or imposter syndrome take root. They’re simply coping mechanisms masking discomfort, insecurity, or hurt.
So, release self-imposed put-downs and the belief that happiness needs to wait until the day you get everything right —those behaviors are just stressing you out and getting in your way. Instead, begin recognizing incremental progress. Everyday encouragement is a serious skill that will yield serious results. Here are five declarations to start:
Like the case study, you are undoubtedly using grit and determination to write the next chapter of your professional life. So, give yourself a pat on the back when you count to 10 instead of popping off at someone. Acknowledge how you supported your mental health after a long day by working out or meditating to calm your mind. And then step back, say, “You did that!” and clap for your bad self! Go right ahead—I’ll wait.
Do you want to improve your people skills? Become a pro in no time with my new book at Amazone, Soft Skills Basics in a Flash.