Have you had some cranky meetings lately? Me, too! I don’t know if it’s a bitter Winter, too much time indoors, or irritability about returning to the office, but it seems like I’m ending most days a little worse for the wear!
Getting back into close quarters is going to be challenging—no doubt! But you can get ahead of the curve by remembering advice for boaters, “Watch Your Wake”, meaning boat operators must observe specific rules and know how they affect others. No one likes to get drenched or capsized by the hotshot who thinks they own the lake!
Emotional wakes—the wreckage left behind by annoying interactions—happen all around us. They were described by Dr. Sigal Barsade, who studied the importance of understanding emotions, especially for business success. She stated, “For a long time, emotions were viewed as noise, a nuisance, something to be ignored. But one thing we now know after more than a quarter-century of research is that emotions are not noise—rather, they are data. They reveal not just how people feel, but also what they think and how they will behave.”
So, how are you going to counteract a cranky person (or two, or three) stirring up a big emotional wave? By using soft skills! We’ll discuss how to do that in the March series, Use Soft Skills to Watch Your Wake.
Let me tell you how a friend’s short temper sent him into deep water.
I ran into my neighbor Vik as he unloaded the car balancing a gorgeous bouquet and take-out. “Hey—Valentine’s Day has come and gone!” I joked.
He rolled his eyes. “I wish it was that simple. Shiva and I really got into it this morning. I should have known better—our baby has an ear infection, and we were both sleep-deprived. In the middle of my manager’s presentation, the baby started howling. I whipped around and glared at Shiva over my shoulder. As soon as I hung up, it was on!”
Vik stopped for a moment. “Suddenly, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror over our fireplace. My face and shoulders were tense. The words we used were harsh. And even listening was harsh—we just wanted to clap back and one-up the other one,” he said, shaking his head.
He shut the car trunk. “Thai food is her favorite. Wish me luck!”
Do you relate to Vik’s story? When you’re feeling reactive does your emotional engine rev, accidentally creating a wake that could cause a collision?
Here’s the trouble: You might think you’re bossing up by shutting down an uncomfortable moment, whether you’re in the middle of a tense work meeting or a discussion with your nearest and dearest. But as the case study showed, harsh replies rarely stand on their own—they usually set off a chain reaction and one you may regret.
The next time you feel an emotional tsunami coming on, use soft skills to watch your wake. First, break soft skills into a What and a How. In this case, the What is a competency employers love—self-management. “Self-management” is simply coping skills, where you manage your emotions, words, and body language. Then power that What with How tactics, like staying adaptable, confident, and discerning.
Here are three ways to practice:
The next time you come face-to-face with a hard conversation, choose to answer back instead of hitting back.