Three Ways to Practice Positive Attention Recap

Calling actress Rita Moreno a boss is an understatement. If you’ve watched the documentary, “Rita Moreno: Just a Girl Who Decided to Go for It,” you know about her incredible 60-year career spanning the golden era of Hollywood to the recent remake of the movie that brought her an Oscar, “West Side Story.”

But behind the scenes, things haven’t always been so rosy, with extreme romantic highs and lows, including her volatile partnership with Marlon Brando. Now 90, Rita shrugs off concerns about living alone. She smiled and said, “It’s ok—I like who I live with.”

Do You Like Who is Running Your Day, Your Career, and Managing Your Identity?

February is often considered the month of love, but relationships aren’t limited to romance, friends, or family. You’re also in a relationship with things, like your calendar, work, and self-image. So, ask yourself a version of Rita Moreno’s statement: Do you like the person you’re living with? The person running your day, your career, and managing your identity?

In the past, you may have thought you had to push or criticize yourself to get ahead. When things didn’t pan out as expected, you could have detached. However, that’s a misuse of your natural creative energy.

If you’re thinking there has to be something in the middle of those two extremes, you’re right, and the answer is soft skills. You can use soft skills to shift from forcing or ghosting to wise decisions, and that’s what we’ve discussed in the February series, Three Ways to Practice Positive Attention.

How Soft Skills Can Help You Shift Negative Self-Talk

Here’s a snapshot of what we’ve learned about giving your calendar, work, and self-image positive attention and soft skills examples to make them run:

1. Take a Mindful Approach Toward Your Day: Does it feel like the meeting bell is the boss of you? Busy days are inevitable, but you can stay in the flow by using empathy and discernment. When you say yes, be present, connect with others, and then schedule downtime if you need to. Declare, “I schedule commitments with respect for my mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing—it’s essential for a healthy life.”

2. Decide to Chase Interesting Work: Switch the mindset that the only way to be successful is driving yourself or laser focusing on a specific job title or salary. Instead, turn to creative thinking to stay open to unconventional opportunities. Declare, “I build a rewarding career by courageously forging a path which is perfect for me.”

3. Take Charge of Your Identity: Rebuild your self-confidence when slip-ups happen with smart choices, empathy, and healthy self-esteem. Rather than replaying mistakes, take accountability and move forward with new wisdom. Shift shame with the idea of, “Mistakes happen, but I am not my mistakes. I am confident, accountable, and at peace.”

It’s time to abandon the tired notion that the only effective motivation is the negative kind. If breaking that habit seems impossible, remember past managers. You don’t have to turn into the person who constantly pushed you to do more, no matter how much you already had going on. Or the person who would nit-pick rather than encouraging you to do better next time.

Be someone you like to live with by using soft skills to intentionally change your choices. When you do that, you’re acting like the creative, wise CEO of your life—a Soul Boss. Give all your relationships positive attention.