Mark Zuckerberg once famously said, “Move fast and break things. Unless you are breaking stuff, you are not moving fast enough.” Moving fast and breaking things sounds fun—until you have to deal with the aftermath, like a bunch of Congressional inquiries! With the latest round of testimony, it makes you wonder if Facebook wishes they hadn’t hit snooze when the trust alarm buzzed.
We’ve all had a version of Facebook’s trouble. Someone says something a little off, you hit snooze on your gut reaction, but think What just happened? And maybe you extend some grace and hit snooze a couple more times. By the time you’ve woken up, something is broken and there’s a huge mess to clean up.
In the October series, Make Your Yes/No Shortlist, we’re talking about how you can decide your yesses and nos. You can avoid a toxic mess if you answer your trust alarm instead of hitting the snooze button. That’s what FBI profiler Robin Dreeke does. He believes you can look for little clues about who should be part of your circle of trust. But the trick to avoiding a whole lot of heartache is to answer the trust buzzer the first time around.
Robin Dreeke, former head of the FBI’s Counterintelligence Behavioral Analysis Program and author of Sizing People Up, doesn’t believe in accidents. He thinks you can cultivate the ability to determine whether someone is worthy of your trust or not. He sums it up this way: “Behavior is, in effect, a smoking gun that’s always in plain sight.”
So, what distinguishes people who make the cut? It may not be what you think. A flashy title, huge bankroll, or a ton of charisma aren’t in his Top Three.
Dreeke says, “Trustworthy people are humble. They focus attention on others, listen, learn others’ motivations and concerns, and validate others’ feelings and experiences by showing they understand them. They refrain from judgment, which breeds distrust and fear. They are reasonable and fair. They contribute generously to relationships and seek positive outcomes.”
“If you approach other people this way, they’ll likely tell you the truth, trust you, and let you see them for who they are. When you encounter a generous, modest, nonjudgmental, even-keeled, rational person, you’ll recognize his or her trustworthiness.”
Along the way, we’ve all fallen for a charming hustle, narcissist, or bad apple. So, the next time you get a pit in your stomach and think Huh?!, listen up. Your trust alarm is sounding. It’s trying to alert you that qualities that are difference makers, like being humble, generous, and even-keeled, may be missing. And it’s important to hold up until those qualities appear, even if you feel pressured with what seems to be a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You can fine-tune your trust alarm by using the soft skill of discernment. Just as you intentionally choose your favorite wake-up ringtone, decide you will also be intentional throughout your day. Size up people, places, and opportunities before you jump in.
Here are three ways for you to answer your trust alarm:
Someone shouldn’t automatically make your shortlist, no matter how cool they are. Learn how to spot bad trends and move on before you’re blindsided by a lie or betrayal. Say yes to answering your trust alarm and no to snoozing critical insights from your instincts. You don’t want to be the thing that gets broken!