Do you recall how your Mom, grandparent, or favorite aunt helped you develop good manners? Surely you remember the greatest hits before a big event:
* Stand up straight
* When you speak, look people in the eye
* End a conversation by thanking someone or saying it was nice to meet them
That advice isn’t limited to 12-year-olds just getting their social footing. You’re going to need it to succeed at the office, too. Companies like PriceWaterhouseCoopers, KPMG, and Deloitte are helping employees shore up their skills post-pandemic. The usual suspects are on the shortlist, like giving presentations and collaborating. But the surprising part is they are also focusing on etiquette.
Before you give the topic of etiquette the side-eye, consider advice from psychologist Dr. Vivian Zayas: “Individuals make impressions and judgments about people very quickly, very easily, and with very minimal information. And once those judgments are made, they tend to be hard to undo. They’re quite sticky.”
That quote shows why social skills matter as much as academic achievement and hard skills like designing or coding. As an old boss once told me, “Some lawyers are great at drafting, but you don’t want them out at dinner with clients.” Ouch!
So, in the October series, Three Essential Etiquette Tips for Modern Work, we’ll grow up the social skills you learned as a kid and refresh them so you can achieve at work and in life.
First, let’s see what can go wrong as you try building your brand.
You may see your group chat persona as fun, funny, and engaging, but here’s some bad news: Half the people on the thread aren’t reading your messages. A recent study found 42% of people feel keeping up with group messaging resembles a part-time job. So it’s easier to ignore the conversation.
A Twitter user told the story of her exasperated Dad, who wrote, “I can’t keep up with the pressure of always having to lol or like or heart everyone’s random thoughts, pics, and amusements. For all future texts: I love them, laugh at them, or like them unless it’s bad, then I dislike them. In perpetuity. I can’t live with this pressure. I’m out.”
Kimberly P.’s feedback was even more succinct. She said, “I leave them immediately as a rule. No explanation, no hair flip, just leave. Life is too short to read 35 other people’s emoji responses.”
Hopefully, you’re nodding and laughing along with these stories. But they’re not quite as funny if you put them in a work setting. Authentic communication is always positive. But there are two etiquette X factors that make or break how people view you: Timing and good judgment. Those people skills are powered by the How tactic of discernment.
Let’s make the breakdowns real with examples. Do these painful scenarios sound familiar?
* The person who corners the Team Lead at the elevator as they try to leave for the evening;
* Someone who interrupts another person’s lunch free time with an endless “While I’ve got you” conversation; or
* The person who keeps a Chat going long after the moment has passed.
Each situation tipped over because the need for attention eclipsed someone’s better judgment. Everyone needs validation. But the trick is to lean on your Spidey Sense to determine if you’re having the right conversation at the right time and place.
So, etiquette tip #1 is to avoid brandstanding. (That’s where someone grandstands just to push their brand.) Charging ahead when your heart whispers, “Not now,” is how your brand gets damaged. However, you can easily avoid being seen as someone forcing attention by following your instincts.
Here are three ways to practice impeccable etiquette:
Good judgment and good timing = Good etiquette. So, use people skills to maintain an unrivaled reputation.