My book, Light it Up—7 Skills for Setting Intentions that Work, has a skill called “Commit to Your Must-Haves.” It shows that successful intentions require pruning away the kinda, sorta, maybe results that pop up as your dreams start to come to life. And that kind of pruning takes good judgment.
The skill of Committing to Your Must-Haves also applies to being authentic, the topic of the May series, Claim the Real You. When you think of your ideal tribe, who makes the cut?
And here’s an even bigger question: Do you know whether you’re in a relationship with someone who has your back or if you’re in the middle of a “good is good enough” situationship?
Making that call was the test for my friend Hunter. His big dream is to become a full-time stylist and fashion designer. Business was a little slow, so he was happy when a friend of a friend asked him to volunteer to help with costumes for a local play.
At first glance, Hunter thought he was acing his goals. He wanted the opportunity to design—check! He liked the people involved—check! And he had available time—check!
But then Hunter’s schedule started popping with serious prospects. Since paying clients were high on his “must have” list, he thought the friend would understand that he had to quickly wrap up his charity project. But surprise, surprise—the friend’s attitude soured and he froze Hunter out.
Hunter learned the hard way that he wasn’t in a relationship, where he could be honest with people who supported his true self. He was in a situationship—a transactional one that depended on a constant stream of freebies. His ideal scene was being booked months in advance by clients happy to pay his day rate—the exact opposite of what he was experiencing.
Here’s a quick exercise to help you personalize Hunter’s story: Imagine the people from your neighborhood, school, work, and in your community and then think of rooms at a cool club. Who is a casual friend who gets a ticket for the big room? Who should get a special pass so they can hang out in the VIP section? And who sees your worth and is in the circle of trust? They should get an all-access laminate so they can go wherever they want, whenever they want. Using that quick check-in will ensure your relationships outnumber your situationships.
Do you know what else that visualization gives you? The chance to strengthen your ability to make smart choices. Here are three ways to anchor what you’ve learned:
Your talents, perspective and wisdom are one of a kind. Don’t give yourself away. Claim your worth.