There was a tweet about Shakespeare when the news about self-imposed quarantines broke. Supposedly, he used the time he was quarantined for the plague to write “King Lear.” So, no pressure!
That piece of history is funny, but it’s also worth pondering for the coronavirus or any crisis you might face. When you find yourself in unexpected circumstances, time seems to shift, too. But instead of counting the days, let’s make the days count by deciding what the “after this” stage will look like.
You’re already under enough stress, so skip the extreme makeover. Simply focus on one or two things you’d like to switch up or perhaps stop doing altogether once the quarantine ends. We’ll talk about four qualities for you to consider in the series Coming Out Better.
My friend Lucy has been close with her neighbors ever since they arrived seven years ago. You can imagine how surprised I was to hear that they were caught in a major throwdown—on Facebook, no less. It turns out there are varying degrees of interpretation about what “sheltering in place” means, which is especially tricky when you have rambunctious kids who want to play outside.
Lucy complained, “We have different points of view—I get it. But did she have to post her opinions on Facebook for the rest of the neighborhood to see? I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. She’s always been moody.”
When you listen to Lucy’s story, are you already taking sides? Me, too! Is her neighbor justified in starting a social media feud? No. Is she over-reacting? Maybe. And is the neighbor causing relationship damage she may not be able to repair? Sadly, that could be the case.
But let’s look at this situation from a different lens. If you zoom out to get the landscape view, you begin to see how fearful the woman is. How one sensational headline after another has her anchored in a state of fight-or-flight—that’s why she’s probably trying to validate her perspective with one post after another. And how she’s worried that she might not be able to protect her family.
The more we talked, the more we changed our minds. Yes, Lucy’s neighbor is making questionable choices, but ultimately, we could only see them with empathy.
The challenging days we’re facing are the perfect time to strengthen your compassion muscle. Even the most stable people you know are feeling stressed about the uncertainty. So, magnify that one thousand times for people who are often on an emotional roller coaster or seem to have their head in the clouds. Here are three ways to practice the soft skill of empathy:
Going through a crisis has a funny upside: It gives you x-ray vision. In the future, you won’t get confused when someone withdraws in a huff or acts out. Instead, you’ll say, “That’s a clue that there’s more going on behind the scenes—now is the time for extra understanding.” Don’t put that insight on a shelf, waiting for the next disaster—use it every day. Decide that you’re coming out of the crisis more compassionate, insightful, and wise than you have ever been.