As chairman of Hearst Magazines, Cathie Black was no stranger to hard conversations. Shortly after she joined a charity board, she had an aha moment. She wasted no time proposing her Big Idea during the next meeting.
What happened? Crickets.
A friend also serving on the board quietly took her aside and gently asked whether Cathie had ever held a similar position.
The question caught Cathie off guard. She hadn’t served on a board, but after years of running companies, she knew how to make a pitch.
In her book, Basic Black: The Essential Guide for Getting Ahead at Work (and in Life), Cathie recalled her friend’s priceless takeaway: Never make a proposal without an advocate in the room.
In the September series, Don’t Miss the Assignment, we’re talking about how to use people skills to get the How right. Understanding people is always the real assignment at work.
The case study highlights a difficult truth: A bad idea said five different ways is still a bad idea. That’s why being persuasive only gets you so far.
Instead, what’s the awkward challenge at hand? Feedback. People are waiting to see how you handle real-time suggestions or if you miss the assignment and just keep pushing.
Cathie Black faced a similar crossroads. It turned out the charity had tried a version of Cathie’s Big Idea a few years earlier, and it failed.
That day, there was no point in doubling down. In its place, Cathie decided to take her friend up on the offer to learn what had gone wrong in the past so that she could strengthen her Big Idea.
She fine-tuned her pitch and also walked away with the support of a heavy-hitter board member.
Have you ever been in a situation like the case study? You walk into a room thinking you’ve aced the assignment, only for a conversation to fall apart suddenly?
Clunky, pointed comments are going to happen. (Hey—we all have the colleague who likes to give everyone else a note or take a potshot.) Or, like Cathie Black, others may try to freeze you out with the silent treatment.
When that happens, keep what you’re learning from the feedback front and center. But since separating someone’s delivery from data is easier said than done, here are a few pro tips. They’ll help you de-escalate and return to a neutral listening state.
For example:
* See soliciting comments and advice, then revising, as a natural and essential part of any creative process. (Who knows—that blunt, hard-to-hear comment about a blind spot may be saving you from a major mistake.)
* Magnify the project results; minimize someone’s personal style. Keep a big-picture perspective rather than letting someone’s cutting statement lower your self-esteem.
* And don’t forget to harness the support of diverse voices in the room.
These actions are marketable skills, and they’re much more constructive than slinging mud with someone who is overconfident, patronizing, or even authoritarian.
And let’s also address being on the opposite side of the table, where you’re attempting to give feedback to someone missing the assignment.
That’s an opportunity to put your collaboration skills to work. Create strength in numbers by drawing others into the conversation. It signals how you respect and value everyone’s contributions.
Try these green flag phrases:
Keep an open mind the next time feedback startles you. Doing so is a sign of sophisticated, wise thinking, not taking a pass on having agency. Don’t cheat yourself—or the team—out of a better idea.
